When you think during the day,
you dream about what you see.
When you wake up in the wee hours of morning,
you cannot remember your dream.
I think about the things, bad things that go wrong.
But I refuse to dream about them, so I tell them 'so long.'
When you daydream,
it's only your thoughts that keep you awake.
Therefore I try my best not to think that much,
to keep the bad dreams away.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, there!
Wow. This was a nice poem, for starters. Very short and sweet; cuts right to the point, which is nice. I like your style of poetry here. Just a few nitpicks, though: I don't like how you have 'so long' in there, it just doesn't fit. Also, "wee hours" just doesn't fit the rest of the language you are using here.
Nice job.
xMizz
Teehee, this is a bit of a tongue twister!
Anyway, my one main comment is that the second to last stanza seems out of place... I would actually make it the third stanza! It seems a little awkward where it's at right now. Also, I don't really like the emphasis on the words "so long" because the quotes make it pop out and it just looks awkward! But those are minor things, really.
Nice tongue twister!
Your poem was great. If you really want my advise, the only thing I could say is that it sounded more like a quote than a poem. OK!
See ya around!
Hi,
This is really lovely. It flows nicely and the pattern works well. I loved;
"I think about the things, bad things that go wrong.
But I refuse to dream about them, so I tell them 'so long.'
When you daydream,
it's only your thoughts that keep you awake."
I'd change "wee hours" and "so long" as they don't fit in with the sort of language you use here. Try for something more natural and simple.
Hope this helps,
Jas
I liked this, pretty short and sweet and to the point. I found it quiet relatable and liked the way it flowed.