Tigon Ranch: Chapter 1

by kingofeli

Published November 5, 2016

E - Everyone

In Tigon Ranch

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Plot: During a time when big cats are being domesticated for common use, four people rejected from society travel to a place called Tigon Ranch, a sanctuary for misfit big cats and people. Along with the Ranch owner’s daughter, they must band together to protect the Ranch from a group of extremists who believe all big cats must be wild, no matter what the cost may be. Along the way, they will discover more about themselves and the cats they have been tasked to care for than they ever expected.

Chapter 1

Elena

Elena visibly winced as the old creaky bus screeched to a stop. That noise would never be pleasant or usual, no matter how many times Elena heard it. From the outside looking in, she could see what appeared to be four dark shapes moving towards the exit, stopping to say goodbye to the bus driver before getting off. Their steps, heavy and nervous, rang out loud and clear through the open air. Before she knew it, there were four people standing in front of her, all blinking and looking around like confused cubs. Elena thought it funny.

She was alone right now, without her mother and feeling like this idea was getting worse and worse by the minute. Elena’s mother, Autumn, had run off to take care of one of the elderly cats and had left her with instructions to “take care of the new arrivals.” Autumn would be back, but not in time to meet the newcomers coming off of the bus. So, the job was left to Elena, who couldn’t be happier to do it, of course.

With a single nod of her head, Elena sized them up. She had learned their names from her mother, and could guess at who was who based on their profiles and their images they had attached to them. She took a deep breath, and readied herself for what was about to come. She would be doing this for the good of the cats, she told herself. There was no other way. She had to at least see if they had what it took to take care of big cats.

Even though big cats had become about as common a pet as your average horse, they were still large, dangerous, and sometimes unpredictable animals. Not just anyone could handle them, and Elena did not have much faith in her mother when it came to choosing the right people. They had recently had to kick out several "volunteers" who had no idea what they were doing. Autumn had learned from that experience, and had put together a whole training regiment for these newbies to go through. Even so, Elena did not think it would end up well.

"So, you're the new recruits my mom hired, huh?" Elena asked, crossing her arms as she stood in front of them. Her legs were spread out slightly, heels digging into the reddish-orange dirt. The bus had gone by now, leaving some of that same dirt hanging in the air. One of the new recruits standing before her -- a black boy with short, afro-like hair -- sneezed and covered his nose and mouth with one hand. Elena decided to address him first. "You're De'von, right?"

"Y-yes ma'am," the other boy stuttered. He couldn't have been that much younger than her, so Elena didn't quite understand why he was calling her ma'am, but decided to go with it. At least he showed some respect.

"You're too jumpy," Elena said bluntly. "The cats will tear you up. They'll pick up on that and you can say goodbye to your hands."

A visible shudder ran through De'von. One of the men standing next to him shuffled his feet, and Elena focused on him next.

"What's your name?" She asked him strongly.

"Joseph," he replied, just as strongly. Elena blinked slowly. She had remembered reading this man's file. He was an ex-con, had only just recently gotten out of prison, and was on parole. Elena had tried to get her mother not to hire him, but she had gone along with it, as Autumn was prone to do. She believed everyone could change if given the chance, and Joseph was no exception to that. Still, Elena had her doubts, and had no problems with voicing them.

"I'm warning you, if you try to do anything funny with the cats you're out of here," Elena said, a clear warning in her voice. "I've read your files, don't think I haven't. My main worry here is the cats, not you."

"I, uh, won't let you down," Joseph replied, clearly a bit put off at Elena's brash words. She moved on to the woman standing next to him, who was slightly hunched over, one of her hands gripping the strap of a backpack slung over her shoulder.

"And you, you're the one who doesn't talk, right?" Elena asked. The woman shrugged, then lifted up her hands to start signing.

Elena was far from fluent in sign language, but she was able to get the gist of it. I don't talk to people, the woman said. My name is Angelina.

"Angelina, right," Elena murmured, then clicked her tongue. "If you can't talk, you'll never make it. The people won't respect you and the cats won't respect you either. It's a lose-lose situation."

Then, Elena's eyes settled on the girl at the end of the line. She was standing in sort of a half-slouch, with one of her legs propping her up and the other one bent at the knee. Her hips slanted, and her shoulders were dropped in a nonthreatening posture. Her eyes were covered by a pair of sunglasses, and she was wearing a black leather jacket, the zipper shining like it was new. Maybe it was. She wore long jeans that ended at her ankles, and dirty white tennis shoes with the laces double knotted.

She certainly was something.

Elena cleared her throat, and said "You should lose the leather -- Rose, was it? -- the cats will eat it. It's animal hide and they don't know the difference, nor do they care."

"If you insist," the girl -- Rose -- said, unzipping her zipper and shrugging off the jacket. She was only wearing a low-cut tank top underneath, white, and her arms were well-muscled and toned. Elena felt her face heat up a bit, but attributed it to the June heat.

Just as Elena had finished up her criticisms, the unmistakable sound of a golf cart driving up to the spot where they all stood. A pale-skinned, red-haired woman who appeared to be in her forties was driving the golf cart, strings of her curly red hair flying away from her face as she drove up. Elena sighed heavily as her mother approached. Now the fun was going to start.

"Hi everyone, sorry I'm late!" Autumn called breathlessly as she approached, getting off of the golf cart a few feet away and jogging the rest of the way up to them. "I had to take care of some cats! Is this everyone?"

"Everyone whose files you saved," Elena replied, obviously getting a bit bored. She rolled her eyes as De'von sneezed again, covering his mouth and turning away from everyone else as he did. "Mom, I really don't think --"

Autumn cut her daughter off with a flick of the wrist. "Don't worry about Elena, she's just a bit tense," she said to all of the other people gathered. Elena bristled at her mother's dismissal, but didn't say anything, keeping her jaw shut tight. A muscle in her jaw twinged and twitched as she did. "I hope you're all ready, because today's gonna be a big day!"

All of the newbies nodded in an almost synchronized way. "Alright, I'm sure you all know why you're here, but in case anyone forgot, I'm going to go ahead and go over what you got in your starter packet. Did anyone bring their starter packets with them?"

Angelina nodded, and dug into her backpack, bringing out a thick packet of paper that had been mailed to all of the applicants when they applied. I brought mine, she signed with some difficulty, due to her holding the paper in one hand.

"Good, good! I'll just be briefly going over it, so if you didn't bring it that's fine," Autumn explained. "Okay, so, basically, you all are here to help me and my daughter run the Ranch! It started out as a little backyard organization, but we've grown pretty quickly over the years. We currently have some staff and volunteers, but not enough to keep this place running. That's where you guys come in. We're gonna be training you as official cat handlers. Each one of you will be assigned to one cat for six weeks. You'll be judged on how well you take care of the cats and how the cats behave while they're in your care. At the end of the six weeks, if we decide you've passed, you get to stay with us! If we've decided that you didn't pass, you'll be going back home."

De'von raised a hand, his arm trembling as he did. Autumn nodded over at him, and he cleared his throat. "Um -- what decides whether we, um, pass or fail?"

Autumn smiled. "Well, it all depends on your cat! If your cat is happy and healthy at the end, you passed! If we think there is something else wrong with your cat, or you didn't do very well with your cat, you unfortunately fail. Seem simple enough?" De'von nodded, and Autumn's smile grew wider. "Good! Does anyone else have any questions?"

The other newbies shook their heads, and Autumn clapped her hands. "Great, let's get a move on then! The golf cart should be big enough for all six of us, so let's pile on!"

Everyone awkwardly walked over to the golf cart and piled on, like Autumn had said. Everything seemed to be a little out of place, and Elena couldn't help but feel odd. She had done her best to dissuade her mother from doing this, but all of her efforts had truly been in vain. There was nothing she could do now, it seemed. Her mother was content with her decision, and that meant Elena had failed. She would just have to accept that these newcomers were going to intrude on her well-marked territory, and get used to it.

That didn't mean she had to like it, of course. Oh no, there would be no liking this situation. She would make sure her mother knew just how upset she was with this as they drove away from the pick-up spot and towards the actual Ranch.

"I still don't think this is a good idea," Elena said over the sound of the engine of the gold cart. "I was talking to these people and it's clear they have no idea what they're doing. This is a lot of trouble we're going through. Besides, who says they'll even stay? They might get scared off and decide to leave."

"Everything will be fine," Autumn chided. "You're such a worrywart, Elena. Sometimes I think you should have been the mom instead of me." She laughed at that, but Elena felt that she was right. Maybe she should have been the mother. If Elena was in charge of this operation, there was no way she would've brought four untrained and inexperienced people to the Ranch.

Maybe it was better that Autumn was in charge.

They drove all the way up to the gates of the ranch, where Autumn stopped the vehicle and beckoned for the others to come out. They followed her up to the gates, where Autumn stopped and turned around to face them, putting her hands on her hips. Elena stood beside her, crossing her arms again and staring up at the sky, shielding her eyes from the sun as she searched for shapes in the clouds above.

"Alright everybody, this is where you'll be working," Autumn explained, motioning with her arm and spreading it out to encompass the entirety of the front gates. "Tigon Ranch! Established in 2000, we've been up and running for 16 years. Our setup is pretty simple, big cats who roar on one side, and smaller big cats unable to roar on the other." She motioned to the right side of the gates first, and then to the left side as she spoke. "Now we get to assign you guys to the cats you'll be taking care of! You'll also be meeting the heads of each section. We have a lion, tiger, leopard, and cheetah section, and then we have them split up by size after that," Autumn explained. "We'll start with the youngest first. Who would that be?"

"De'von," Elena answered before anyone else could. "I checked the files. De'von is the youngest, followed by Rose, then Angelina, then Joseph."

"Okay," Autumn said, obviously a bit irritated at her daughter's boldness. "De'von, we'll start with you then, kiddo. What's your favorite type of big cat?"

"U-um," the boy stuttered, his hands clasping together as he messed with his thumbs. "M-my favorite are probably, um, t-tigers... they're so beautiful and majestic."

Elena snorted. Autumn ignored her and smiled at him. "Alright, we'll check out the tigers first! We have more tigers than anything else, so you'll probably be in luck."

It made sense. Ever since people first started getting big cats as pets, tigers had been the most popular by far. It only made sense that they would be the most populous at the ranch. Autumn led the small group through the gates and to the right, where there were already enclosures in sight.

Each cat in the ranch had a huge enclosure, fit for an animal of their size. In the wild they would roam miles each day, and while they couldn't give them that, they would certainly give them something as close to that as possible. All of the cats had climbs, hides, and enough toys to last them a lifetime. The people at the Ranch wanted their cats to be as happy and healthy as they could be, and the four newcomers looked on in awe as they approached the first few enclosures.

"These are our tigers," Autumn started to say, again motioning outwards with her arm. "All in all, we have thirty tigers here at the ranch. Several of them already have handlers they've bonded to, so they'll be out of the question." Turning around so her back was towards the group, she walked up to the first enclosure and put one hand on the fence separating them from the tiger inside. "This guy in here is named Leon. He's kind of a shy guy."

"Shy is putting it mildly, he hates everyone," Elena said, watching as the white tiger inside ducked into a huge round structure in the middle of the enclosure. "Mom, let's just leave Leon alone. Nobody here could handle him."

"W-well... I could at least try to meet him?" De'von suggested, walking up to Autumn and Elena.

Autumn smiled and nodded as De'von walked up to them. She stepped back so that he could approach the fence gate, and Elena shot her a look of disbelief. "You're really going to let him do that?" She whispered.

"Of course I am," Autumn replied, still smiling. "If he wants to try to get through to Leon, let him try. There's nothing wrong with it. If he can get Leon to open up, it'll be a miracle, but we'll all be happy right?"

Autumn shot Elena a look in return, challenging her to say something. Elena didn't meet the challenge, keeping her mouth shut as her jaw muscle twitched again. She was obviously unhappy with what was going on, but she wasn't going to say anything. If this newbie wanted to try to get the attention of an old and ornery tiger, he could be her guest.

She watched passively as De'von approached the fence, putting one hand on it and clicking his tongue. "U-um, hi there -- Leon?" He turned back to face Autumn, as he was unsure if he was getting the right name. Autumn nodded in response, and he turned back to the fence.

The white tiger's head was poking out of his hide, and his ears twitched at De'von's words. Slowly, Leon emerged from the circular structure, shaking his head and grumbling a bit as he came out. Elena was a bit surprised that Leon was bothering to come out, but that wasn't necessarily unusual. He had greeted people before, only to turn tail and run back to his hide when they had gotten too close. Elena didn't expect this to be any different.

Leon stood stock still in front of his hide at first, standing there and blinking slowly. Elena didn't expect him to get any closer. He didn't usually come any closer than a few yards when people came up to greet him, and this didn't seem to be any different.

That was, of course, until De'von called his name once more, and this time Leon appeared to perk up, his round ears twitching and moving to the top of his skull. He tilted his head, and slowly started to approach the fence, paws thudding quietly against the ground. Slowly, he came within the usual range of a few yards and stopped, sniffing the air cautiously. | De'von simply stayed quiet, watching and waiting as the tiger made his leisurely approach.

And then, something strange happened. Leon passed over his usual spot of where he usually stood and started walking closer and closer towards the fence, until he was barely a few inches away from the fence. De'von's fingers curled into the fence, and Leon stretched out his neck, licking at De'von's fingers.

Elena was so stunned she could barely breathe. This newcomer, whom Leon had never met, had somehow gotten him to walk up to the fence and lick his fingers? Leon had never gotten that close with anyone before, not even Elena, who had worked with him for months to get him to even come a few yards away from the fence. This had to be some kind of a fluke for this to be happening.

Autumn, on the other hand, appeared elated. "Do you like him?" She asked De'von.

The boy stood up from his crouched position, which sent Leon running back to his hide. De'von looked a little crestfallen, but he nodded, smiling weakly over at Autumn. "Y-yeah, yeah, I do l-like him. I thought he liked me, but I g-guess I scared him a little bit."

"Don't worry about it, you'll have plenty of time to get to know him," Autumn smiled, reaching out and giving De'von a pat on the back. He visibly flinched at the touch, and so Autumn drew her hand back, apparently deciding not to touch the boy any more. "So it's decided, you want to work with Leon?"

"Yes," De'von said, strongly for the first time. He nodded along with his words. "Yeah, I-I'm willing to do that."

"Great!" Autumn pulled a small pad of paper out from her pocket along with a pen and scribbled something down in it that Elena didn't catch. "Alright, let's move on now! I think you said Rose was next?"

"Yeah," Rose muttered, a hint of boredom in her voice. "I'd like to look at the lions." That was all she said on the matter, and Elena couldn't help looking at Rose's well-muscled frame again. She would certainly have no trouble controlling her cat.

"Alright, to the lions we go then! They're right next door to the tigers, and we have twenty of them. We keep them in pairs of two, one male and one female to keep them entertained during the day, but you'll only be handling one at a time. Some of the lions we keep single, because they don't want to play nice with others," Autumn explained as they walked. Slowly, the scenery changed from the mostly jungle-like setups of the tiger enclosures to the more open setups of the lion enclosures.

There were a few cats that seemed to catch Rose's eye, but she didn't stay interested in any of them for very long. She would walk up to the fence, put her hand on it, and then walk away with disinterest after a few seconds. The lions did their own thing, mostly ignoring the newcomers walking up to them and ogling them. The lions were used to people coming up to look at them and bother them. It was nothing new, so they all went about their business as Rose checked them out critically.

Eventually, she came to a stop at one enclosure, and Autumn talked about the cat inside. "This one is named Savannah. We keep her separate from the other lions most of the day so she can do her physical therapy, but she gets a few hours with the other lions to keep her stimulated." Upon closer inspection, they could all see why she needed physical therapy: Savannah had only three legs.

Rose perked up at this, not appearing to be surprised at all. Though the others looked at each other curiously, Rose seemed much more interested in the cat than they did. She immediately walked up to the gate next to Autumn and looked at her.

"Can I try to get her attention?" She asked. Her voice was filled with a new energy that she hadn't bothered to put into her voice only moments ago. Elena was interested at Rose's sudden excitement, and Autumn nodded and stepped aside to allow Rose to get closer to the fence.

Crouching down and putting her hands on her knees, Rose smiled at the lion, who was sitting behind a clump of bushes. "Hey there Savannah. You're broken like me, huh? Maybe we can be friends then?" She held out her hand palm-up towards the fence, and slowly Savannah got to her three remaining feet. Her left front leg was missing, and she hobbled awkwardly over to the fence, nose twitching as she sniffed the air.

Savannah gave a few interested grunts as she sniffed at Rose's hand, and then rubbed her head against the fence, a low groan-like noise coming from her chest. Rose smiled, and Autumn did as well. Elena wasn't very surprised. Savannah was a loving cat, and was happy to give affection to most people she met within only a few minutes of meeting them. Most people avoided Savannah due to her disability, but Rose seemed to take to her quickly. Perhaps Rose was different from most people. Not that Elena was surprised by that.

After spending a few more moments getting to know Savannah through the fence, the group moved away from the lions. Angelina was next to choose her cat, and she signed to Autumn that she would like to see the cheetahs. Autumn took them in that direction, crossing the distance between the lion section and the cheetah section.

"Now, we don't have very many cheetahs here, and the ones we do have tend to be very shy," Autumn told her. "Well... except for one of our cheetahs, but she's a bit of an oddity. I'm not sure if you'd be able to handle her, but we can take a look at her if you want?" Angelina nodded in response, then lifted her hands to sign.

I like creatures that are different. Please let me see her.

Autumn nodded, then led them towards the back of the cheetah section where a lone cheetah was seen in the last enclosure, taking a nap on a rock. There was something odd about this cheetah, however. Her back legs were equipped in a small, lightweight wheelchair of sorts. Her legs were cradled in the chair, so they didn't fully touch the ground. Upon noticing there were people paying attention to her, the cheetah picked herself up from the rock she had been sunning herself on and walked down the slope, wheelchair squeaking behind her as she chirped in greeting. She walked right up to the fence and rubbed herself against it, chirping and purring as Autumn walked up to scratch her cheek.

"This girl is one of my favorites," Autumn said, smiling as the cheetah rubbed herself against her fingers.

"What happened to her legs?" De'von asked, looking right at the wheelchair attached to the cat.

Autumn sighed sadly as she thought of the story. "She was owned by a very cruel man who used to beat her with a baseball bat. Our vet thinks that one day he hit her so hard that he broke her back. It paralyzed her from the waist down, effectively." The people gathered all gave gasps in various levels of volume. "It's sad, but she's a hardy little thing. Our vet contacted some lovely people who built this custom-made wheelchair for her. Now she runs and plays like a normal cat. You could hardly tell she's different."

I want her, Angelina signed, smiling widely at the cat. What is her name?

"Her name is Kira," Autumn replied, continuing to scratch the cat through the bars. "She's a lovely little thing. She is a bit of a handful though -- are you sure you want to take her on?"

I am sure, Angelina replied, nodding as she signed. I like her.

Autumn spoke a bit more to Angelina about the possible difficulties of taking care of a cat in a wheelchair, before they moved on to the last person: Joseph.

"I'm not really sure what I want," Joseph explained, looking at the cats as they passed them. They were walking into the leopard area now, and Joseph looked around curiously as they did. "I guess I'll just take whatever or whoever stands out to me."

Autumn nodded, and then stopped at one of the enclosures. "This old girl might be good for you. Her name is Bagheera, you can probably guess where she got her name from." Sitting on one of the platforms in the enclosure was a beautiful black leopard, her wide golden eyes piercing through Joseph's own eyes and standing out like golden beams of light against her fur. "She's got a pretty solid temperament, not too jumpy or excitable. She is one of our older cats, so she's been through a lot." Autumn walked up to the fence and clicked her tongue, but Bagheera stayed where she was, rolling over onto her back and staring at the humans.

"She seems laid back," Joseph commented, walking up to the fence. "Like she's got a lot to tell. I like her."

"I don't think she'll be much trouble for you," Autumn smiled.

Elena crossed her arms again. "You'd better not hurt her," she growled. "Bagheera is very trusting. If you take advantage of her -- "

"I'm sure he won't," Autumn cut her daughter off sharply. "Joseph seems like a nice man. I'm sure he'll have no trouble with Bagheera at all."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Elena grumbled under her breath.

They moved on, and finally Autumn took them towards the back of the facility, where there were a few separate buildings standing away from the rest of the enclosures. They looked like little cabins, and Autumn started to explain what they were.

"This is where you'll be staying for the duration of your stay," Autumn said. "Everything is totally furnished with what you'll need. Elena will be staying with you as well, to help you get the hang of everything."

"What?" Elena blurted out, whipping around to face her mother. "You didn't tell me about that! You want me to stay with a bunch of strangers?!"

"You're going to be fine," Autumn told her. "This'll be for your own good, after all. You don't have any friends, you haven't gone out since your father died. This will be good for you."

"Mom --" Elena tried to say, but she was cut off again.

"I won't hear any more about it, you're staying here," Autumn said strongly. Then she turned back to the rest of the people gathered. "There's one more thing I'd like to give you all."

Reaching into the satchel on her side, she pulled out five journals. The journals were beautifully made, obviously hand-made as well. Each one was bound with a leather cover, and the pages inside were lined, but had the look of aged paper. The edges, rather than being straight, were jagged to give it a more rustic look. Each cover had a different color, and Autumn allowed each participant to pick out what color journal they wanted.

When Elena picked out her journal, she scowled at her mother, who ignored her. "These journals are for tracking down your feelings, your progress, and all in all, whatever you'd like to write down in them," Autumn explained. "This is totally voluntary, so you don't have to write down anything if you don't want to. I won't be disappointed or upset, so don't worry about that." She gave a little laugh. "Now you guys can go inside the cabin and pick out your rooms! If you need me, there's a telephone in the living room with a list of numbers next to it. My number is listed at the top, so you can call me. Even if it seems like a silly question, please don't hesitate to ask."

Autumn broke off from the group at that point, and Elena trudged up the stairs to the cabin, opening the door with more force than what was needed and stalking into the living room. She knew the setup of the cabins well enough; when they were built, she and her mother had overseen the building of them, and Elena had taken a few looks at the blueprints when they were getting put together. She had also done some exploring of the cabins once they were actually built, just in case they needed to use them. As the other members of the group explored the cabin, Elena collapsed onto the couch, giving a heavy sigh and setting the journal on the coffee table next to the couch.

"Hey, looks like there's only four rooms." Elena recognized the speaking voice as Rose, and she propped herself up to look over the side of the couch to where Rose was standing. She smiled and put one hand on the edge of the couch. "So where are you gonna sleep? Everyone's already picked out their rooms."

"Why do you care," Elena grumbled, swinging her legs over the side of the couch so that she could sit up. She ran a brown-skinned hand through her curly reddish-brown hair, hazel eyes flickering over to Rose as she spoke. She felt inadequate, somehow, sitting so close to her. Rose was tall, dark-skinned with dark brown eyes and frizzy black hair. She looked like a model, in a way. Definitely not a mainstream model, though. She was broad-shouldered and had a wide chest that was mostly flat. She had a bigger Adam's apple than most women, too.

It didn't stop Elena's face from heating up again when Rose asked, "Maybe we could share a room?"

"I'd rather sleep on the couch," Elena mumbled before she could stop herself. "Sorry but, you're a stranger. It'd be awkward. Besides, the couch pulls out."

"Nah, you're fine," Rose laughed, waving a hand in response. "Have fun sleeping on the couch. What was your name again?"

"Elena," Elena replied, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "Elena Gaiman."

"Nice to meet you, Elena," Rose said, winking at her as she started to turn around. "Let's get to know each other better."

"Sure," Elena mumbled again as Rose left the room. Turning back to the journal on the coffee table, she opened up the journal, taking a pencil from the bowl on the coffee table and starting to write in it.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Featherstone
Review
Featherstone wrote a review Review · Nov 27, 2016

Hello, Feather here to review!

I love this story. It is so unique, and the CATS. I love the cats. The people are different, interesting. I definitely want more. I didn't catch any grammatical or spelling errors. You didn't info dump, and it was very easy to keep track of.

There isn't anything I'd really change.

Keep on writing, because you're awesome at it!

-Featherstone9086

User avatar
Megrim
Review
Megrim wrote a review Review · Nov 13, 2016

Hi there! Finally here to review as requested. I'm surprised you haven't gotten any reviews yet. My only guess is because it's on the longer side. The writing seemed good to me!

Overall I think this is a fun premise, but forget about that for a minute. Stories are about characters, and you've NAILED it here. This is obviously a character-driven piece. Very early on I was thinking to myself what a diverse cast you have here, with the ex-con and the mute character and the shy boy and leather-wearing Rose. Already you're hinting that each one has a backstory and a unique personality, and I think we're going to see them really come out and shine as the story progresses. I'm especially interested in the dynamic between everyone.

I noticed Rose got a disproportionate amount of attention, especially when everyone was first being introduced. On the one hand, I don't mind, because that makes it clear she's the most important, but on the other hand, I would love to see all the characters equally come to life--and maybe have a bit of a surprise who Elena warms up to. I get the impression there could be some Elena/Rose romance. I also felt like you were hinting Rose is trans. So all around, lots of diversity in this cast, which I love!

There were a number of things that impressed me about how you handled this chapter. You could have easily fallen prey to a big infodump, or "character soup," but instead, you introduced everything gradually and made it clear who was who. Despite having 6 named characters, which is a ton for a first chapter, I actually found it easy to keep track and felt like everyone was memorable. I also thought you nicely handled the explanations of why they were there, and info about the sanctuary. On the small scale I think you could tighten up the prose and cut down on exposition in dialogue even more, but you're well on the right track. There was plenty of showing and not too much telling.

One tiny note that I made while reading was that De'von's stuttering gets to be a bit of a nuisance to read because there's so much of it (you always have to be careful with any kind of dialects for this reason). I recommend cutting down on it, so it's still present, but not rampant. Like salt--enough for flavour, but not so much that it overwhelms the dish. A little bit will go a long way, and I think you'll find one stutter every few lines of dialogue will be more than enough.

I will admit I found a fair amount of things predictable. For instance, the 4 types of cats and 4 new people--each gets one, naturally. I'm calling it right now that the ex-con will turn out to be a big sweetheart, and Rosa is trans and will develop a relationship with Elena, but those both remain to be seen. I do think it's fairly obvious that Elena is being harsh and judgmental, and will grow to understand everyone better over the course of the novel. Another moment that seemed telegraphed a mile away was De'von charming Leon. One small change I would like to see is rather than having so much dialogue about it--which I found a bit unsubtle--I would have him just walk straight up to the fence and stick his hand out or whatever, without asking permission, and Leon warms up to him, and everyone is caught off guard and shocked.

Two larger things I think you could improve:

1. There's not a very strong sense of setting for most of the piece. In particular, I had a hard time in the beginning. Is this a dry, dusty, midwest ranch sort of place? What's the weather, the season, the feel of the air? How big is the place? When she stands waiting for the bus, is it an unpaved road, surrounded by grass and splintery wooden fences, or well-trimmed paved road with stone columns lining the path to a gorgeous courtyard, or what? There's a lot of room to give us a stronger sense of atmosphere.

2. Elena appears intentionally written to be unlikable to start. I can see a great arc for her--she starts off abrasive and judgmental, and learns the error of her ways as she gets to know these people and how much depth there is beneath the surface. I love this idea for an arc, and have totally recommended it to people in the past. The downside is that we're stuck with an unsympathetic protagonist who doesn't have a whole heap of redeeming qualities. My suggestion for how to get around this: show her being really good at something. Namely, cats! What I'd do if I writing this? I'd have her greet them WITH her cat, big and powerful and beautiful, and totally, absolutely under control. Maybe on a leash/harness or maybe just obedient because it respects her. But I'd show off how awesome she is at this, so the reader has a reason to respect her, too. This lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THUaAYjWI-0 brainstorms a lot of ways to make characters sympathetic.

Overall this is a great story and can't wait to see more! Cheers and happy writing.



If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke