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I Wanted To Say

by kickasswriter

Published August 17, 2009

I Wanted To Say
by Tiffany Alvord


It's a beautiful day

My cellphone just rang

I pick it up to find that it's you

And your calling to say



I love you and I want you to know

When I'm with you I never want to go

When I'm with you I love you more each day

And that is all, I wanted to say



You make me smile

We talk for a while

I think to myself and I know how you feel

Cause I feel the same way

So I say, I say



I love you and I want you to know

When I'm with you I never want to go

When I'm with you I love you more each day

And that is all, I wanted to say



Ladada da

La da da

La da da

Da da



There's been something on my mind, oh ooh

I've been searching so long for something

I couldn't find

And there is something that I, need to confess

This is that I love you more than you could guess

So I say, say ah eh



I love you and I want you to know

When I'm with you I never want to go

When I'm with you I love you more each day

And that is all, I wanted to say



I love you and I want you to know

When I'm with you I never want to go

When I'm with you I love you more each day

And that is all, I wanted to say

Say, say,

That is all I wanted to say



I know, the song is great, thank you for reading.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Meshugenah
Comment
Meshugenah commented Comment · Aug 17, 2009

**locked**

The lyrics forum is for posting your own work, not anyone else's, as much as we may enjoy their work! If anything, this should go in your blog.

Bek

User avatar
Elinor
Review
Elinor wrote a review Review · Aug 17, 2009

kickasswriter wrote:I Wanted To Say
by Tiffany Alvord


Hun, first I would like to start of the with the fact that you put your first and last name in this post. It's internet saftey - you won't believe how little information you can give for someone to track you down. I'd advise edition it out.


kickasswriter wrote:It's a beautiful day


Why is it beautiful? I'm assuming you mean weatherwise, so I think you should be a little more
specific - i.e "Spring Flowers Bloom outside, and a gentle breeze swirls the air". "It's a beautiful day," Is a little generic and flat.

kickasswriter wrote:My cellphone just rang


Again, flat. You could really have some emotion in here as long as you show, and don't tell, which is what you are kind of having a problem with. i.e. "The loud, distinticive ringtone tells me it's you"

kickasswriter wrote:I pick it up to find that it's you


If you follow my advnice from the previous line 'i pick it up' is just fine'

kickasswriter wrote:And your calling to say


you're calling to say

kickasswriter wrote:I love you and I want you to know

When I'm with you I never want to go

When I'm with you I love you more each day

And that is all, I wanted to say


Okay, for the last line you should delete your comma, and add commas after "i love you" and the two "im with you"'s

Okay, I read through the last bit of your song. It's pretty good, but It does read like a genric love song. Flow of language Is very important, and It needs some more orignality. Other than that, good luck in the future. If It's what your planning to do I wish you best of luck in the music buisness :-)



The highlighted children are not mine.
— AresFig