Running

Hi again, buddy! Okay, before I start I should say that this wasn't to my liking. The review to follow will be critical and less about how you could improve this poem and more about how you might write a better one next time. With that said, a few line by line comments...

"Running?
Why am I running?"
I answered,
blood running. <<< Okay so you're rhyming running with running which doesn't work to be honest, you've got too much repetition and your lines really need more imagery and more substance. I wouldn't suggest keeping any of this first stanza to be honest as none of it intrigued me or attracted my attention.

"I run because
What they did." <<< This is a fragment! You need an 'of' after because.

"They are the scientists,
That tried to take my
Heart away." <<<Scientists I like. I wasn't expecting that but the 'take my heart away' sentiment is too over-used. Maybe you could play with some medical imagery like disection?

Hmmm. The second half of this poem wasn't to my liking at all. It's not original enough and there isn't any real emotion, you can't feel the fear or the hate. This is just lines spilled out without anything behind them. What you need to do is build some atmosphere. This can be done through imagery, through an effective variation of sentences, clever changes in flow. The first step is to choose your words more carefully, choose ones that sound dark or sinister. For example, the word 'plucked' is stronger than 'took'. This is because "p" is a plosive, a loud sound made at the front of your lips and it combines beautifully with the "luh" which is made right in the middle of the mouth.

As I said earlier, I don't think you should try this one again, just put it aside as an experience and move on to the next. Think about using some imagery, think about writing from a new perspective and most of all, don't use 'heart', 'blood' or 'love'. That's a challenge, okay? Write a poem without those words.

Good luck!

Heather xxx

This is okay but lacking in emotion. We are told what happened to your character but we don't get to sympathise with her. She's just words on paper (or on a screen). Make us feel for her! Make us sad for her and want the best for her. The reader should be able to get attatched to the characters even if they cannot identify with them. That's something you can work on in future.

"Running?
Why am I running?"
I answered,
blood running.

"I run because
What they did." - shouldn't it be.. because OF what they did.

"Who's they?"
the little boy asked.

"They are the scientists,
That tried to take my
Heart away."

"They are my boyfriend's
Friends who hated me
For loving him."

"They are my family,
That told me to
Never fall in love."

"They are the people
that rejected me,
Ever since I was born."

"Why?"
The little boy asked again.

I broke down,
My blood still running,
And replied,"

They hate me,
They hate love,
They hated my
Boyfriend,
Justin Trove."

"Why should I run?
Because they hate me."

And off I ran, - in the line above you ask.. Why should I run cause they hate me.. but then you say, and Off I ran.. I feel like something it missing in between...
Heart running,
Hair running,
Blood running,
And suddenly,
The little boy running.

I liked it even though it was slightly repetitive. I'm pretty sure that you were trying to make it repetitve but I think you went a little overboard. Other then that I really liked it and there's not much to change. The ending was a perfect ending, it seemed to close the poem perfectly. Good job!

This isn't bad. I like the truthful emotion of it, although it was a bit ranty, you know? But I like the overall poem. Maybe to make it more interesting you could use some word variation. I realize that the redundance of this is what makes it so catchy and everything, but reading the word running over and over again isn't appealing. Maybe say sprinting or dashing or a similar synonym. Good poem. Keep it up.