"Daddy!"
A red-haired girl leaped into her father's arms. Princess Doom laughed as her father goofily stared at her. He spun her around and around, letting her breath in the fresh smell of home.
"How was your trip, Doomsy, dear?"
"Mama is still angry!" the girl giggled.
"Well, her name isn't Anger for nothing" he laughed along with her.
The two walked down the clean, hard street and into a brilliant castle. It's majestic black was certainly a grand view. Escherion, the butler, opened the door for them, nodding to his King Skull. The king nodded back and led his daughter back home. As they strolled through their grand living room, Doom breathed in all the colors - black, red, and green. She giggled as one of her DoomPuppies poked it's head out of a cabinet. Doom kneeled down and embraced all of them as they rushed into her arms. She then picked her favorite one out and hugged him.
"I missed you, Death!" she sighed.
Her father chuckled as one of the DoomPuppies licked his feet. He ran his hand through his brown hair. He helped his daughter up, and they continued through the man rooms that made up the castle.
Eventually, they settled down at the dining room, a splendid place to eat. The room was filled with pictures and paintings of the grandest foods in the world. The wall was a grand red, trimmed with gold, and so was the carpet, except it was an elegant black. Skull seated himself, and the duo began to feast on the food.
"Daddy?" Doom spoke up.
"Yes, Doom, my dear?" Skull smiled, hungrily stuffing his mouth with turkey.
Doom set down her spoon and nervously told him of her wish, "Mother Anger says there's a place... a place where it's wonderfully green and shines like ..... like a sun. She... She says children live there. And... And Mother Anger said it's the only place where she truly loves. Daddy, do you know of this place?"
Her father practically choked on his turkey, and hurridly called a waiter to bring him a trash bin.
"No, Doomsday, I don't. And I wish you never ask of me this ever again" he said, harshly.
"Y-yes, Father" Doom said quietly.
The king and his daughter finished their grand meal, and each went to their room. The DoomPuppies followed Doom to her room, yipping excitedly.
Her bedroom was indeed quite dreary. And Doom didn't like it at all, not one bit. Paintings she had made were askew, and admist the pictures of her family, there was one her Mother so often spoke of. Doom flung herself onto the bed and pulled out the golden-framed painting from the pile and dusted it off. She sighed at the green valleys and the lonely brown hut which stood alone. Doom softly touched the creases and strokes of paint. It was the only thing her mother loved talking about: "And there is a warm, solid brown hut, where life comes through the very chimney"
Doom set the painting down, careful not to damage it's color, or it's elegant frame. She climbed out of her black bed and sat on her black chair. It was always right next to the window. She loved looking out the window. It gave her something to think about.
Oh, how she wished she could just look down upon green valleys and a love hut every single day. She wished she could sit in the hut, and feel the warmth inside it. She wished she didn't have to live such a dreary life. She wished she wasn't so weird... so much like a freak.
"One day," Doom whispered to herself, excitement building up. "One day, I'm going to go there. One day, I'm finally going to be.... yes, normal"
And with those words, Doom took her first long deep breath of excitement.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okay...so...this was a nice piece of writing...but I don't believe it is quite suited to the job that its meant to be doing....as something like a first chapter this would be great, but as a prologue I feel like its not doing what a prologue is meant to be doing.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well, this is a very interesting start right here...we've got ourselves some protagonists that appear to be named after negative emotions and there's just "Doom" which is definitely not your typical name...and they also seem very much aware of what these words which is a pretty intriguing detail right here.
Well...we have ourselves a proper theme of general death and doom a far as the whole place goes and that creates a strange contras with this innocent returning home vibes that this situation itself has here...and well...it makes for a really interesting mix right here.
Well...that has to be one of the first times that statement was said ironically at the start of a story...unless of course it was a story featuring Death with a capital D as an actual character...the fact that we've got what is essentially this puppy called death is a really intriguing and somehow quite funny idea here.
Okay...not going to lie, compared to Anger and Doom, Skull doesn't quite seem to measure up all that well...it seems a bit more of a normalish name if you can call "skull" a normal name than the other two...it might just be me on this one.
Well...that doesn't sound like a question that Skull appreciated right there...it almost makes this whole situation seem a little faked here...as if its all only sweet on the outside but there's a lot more underneath...the reaction by the father here certainly suggests that, what with the fact they were talking of a place that sounded like some sort of paradise situation.
Ahh...I don't think I'm really going to stop laughing at the name DoomPuppies though...that's definitely a one of a kind creature there.
Hmm...well that hints at the possibility that something is off with her mother there...aand well, this just adds to the overall mystery we have with this piece. This is I assume the main point for this prologue here...because at least for me this is the part that makes me most want to continue tor read here.
OKay...not too bad of an ending....a promise for more like that seems like a pretty neat little sentiment and it certainly gives you sort of something to look forward to as a reader and that's usually quite nice.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this seems like a lovely premise that could lead to a pretty cool story...the one issue I had here is that this just doesn't read like a prologue usually would, this just sounds like the first chapter to a story here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there, Stella here!
comma after nothing. Review your dialogue punctuation
its. And majestic black what?
its again
full stop.
Okay, so you seemed to have fun with the names in this, I like that they're so unusual, but try not to make such a big deal out of them. Like the comment about Anger always being "angry", it seems forced and you look like you're congratulating yourself on your cleverness- I'm sure you're not, but that's how it seems! Let the names permeate the writing more naturally.
I tend to personally nearly always have an issue with prologues, because I can't see their point. This is one of those. You need to ask yourself: is this really pertinent to the story? Can its themes not be worked in elsewhere? As a piece of writing, it's quite good, but it doesn't have any revelations that couldn't be dealt with later on- and might be more effective if you did so!
Overall it was a nice little piece, I like the ideas in here!
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x