Published February 2, 2011
She stands alone.
Even though
she knows it isn't
the brightest idea,
she stands alone.
And watches her friends
and family all look
down on her...
on her grave.
She feels nothing
but can see that they do.
She wishes,
just wishes,
she could take away
those feelings from them.
She feels a sudden
stab in her heart
and realizes what
she's done.
Her family and friends
turn and start to
walk away.
She tries to run
after them,
but Death is there
to stop her.
She stands trapped
in a seemingly endless
dream, watching her
loved ones walk away.
She watches her
years slow down
and quit.
She lets her
head fall and then
watches a tear fall down
onto the soft ground.
She looks up into Deaths
eyes and nods.
She walked away
knowing, just knowing
only one shed.
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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
Thanks guys, for reviewing.
I am thinking, and this is just my opinion, that you could maybe make the title more clear? The title is "Only One Shed", and I was thinking of something similar to a tool shed...That includes the last line of the poem (which was really good, by the way! I loved it!) and I was thinking you should maybe put something similar to "Only one tear shed"...and maybe make it more clear why it's so significant why one tear means more than say two.
Hi Katie May!
I think this might be really cool if we knew that she was dead from the onset. I mean, that would add the whole SHOCK factor and really pull us into your poem. Plus, it might be really cool if she actually fought death to see her family for the last time, realizing that it was the last time. It would really make this poem super emotional and let us connect with the character and her horror. Plus, I always liked a strong female character.
Right now? I don't know, I feel as if there are a lot of poems that deal with people just standing alone, staring. So if you could spice this up, that would be wonderful.
This piece was a bit confusing. I disagree with some of the words and the visuals that I got; for example:
I thought that was confusing then on this line
you repeat the first line, which is unneeded. On this line
I think look should be looking and then on the next line
I think on should be at
and on this line I think you just need to reword that majorly (no offense).
I liked this poem overall. I thought the last line was very confusing. Just reword it and it'll be a bit easier to understand. Keep writing