(All brakets by LittleSister)
Night after night, day after day, the thoughts. Thoughts saying "You're fat. You're ugly." The constant teasing. Everyone says they're all fake and in my head, but are they? They seem so real, even some bold enough to say them verbally. Mother, oh mother of mine, why did you have to say those things? Even after 5 years they still stick. Your views have only changed now that I'm losing by starving. Why now? Why not when I lost so much, but now as I only lose little that you notice? That you care? Family and friends, why must you think its all vanishing. I'm working to lose this, day after day of no nutrition that it starts to go. Old teasers and those who put me down, what do you think of me now? Yes, I've changed but I'm still the fat ugly girl you made fun of. I changed due to all of you. All those backhand remarks you didn't even think mattered? They did. They forced my walls up. Now even the ones who took them down say them too. "I'm too fat." They all say. I use to love myself and now? A broken mess whose feelings seem to disintergrate with every comment. Why must everyone not care until its gone. My scarred up wrists, legs, thighs, and side, do you see them too? The pain that caused them? When you say it's all in my head do you care to think why they're there? They don't just appear. Why do you think that now that I seem fine that all the anxiety is gone? Why do you think I'm never depressed anymore? These things don't just vanish. They come and they stay. My body's scars look like a self-inflicted present. My sides scars a beauty to see. The best gift? Those stretch marks showing where I used to be fat. Now I still am not, but does it even matter? Life is just some sick twisted game(I agree), why does it even matter what we do here? All these scars will go, just as my life(no suicide missy). So why wait until were old enough to do things deemed fun(what do you mean by this)? They do them, why not join them? How much fun they claim they have, but they're
still as much as a mess as me. They say its fine to try these things.Should I join them or should I not? They've given the options so the choice I make is all my own. Why deny? I can be controlled anyways, my own opinion nullified when tiredness stikes. Used before, and will be again. Why not just go with them in the first place? It will all be fine. Life goes on no matter what I do. So why sit around and wait? I can just play now. But her. Her(who is her). The one who causes me so much grief. She says we are fine, yet her actions say different. Once best friends now seem like enemies. I care for her more than I do myself yet she doesnt notice, doesnt care. She only wants to grow up too fast, but she's tried to make me. She doesnt want me since I said no. Now as I think about it more why didnt I say yes? Her comments about my weight, yet she wont let me starve. How hypocritial she is, cuts to the point she passes out, yet wont even let me make a scratch. Starves herself for weeks on end, yet wont let me skip one meal. Why me? Why did this all have to change? Have to meet her. Others can be good, they help me along, yet her. Her. Pulls me down, makes me want to starve, makes me want to cut(YOU NEED BETTER FRIENDS NOW.). Then she tells me the exact opposite of her actions. She says she needs me and that she loves me as much as two friends can love each other, but she makes me feel just as I am. Worthless(YOU ARE NOT). Why must I be stuck around her? All my friends love her, yet they say they hate her behind her back? If they say the things they say about her behind her back yet still say they love her and are best friends what must they say about me? All the thoughts of what they say, they destroy me. No matter how much any of them says they dont hate me and they dont talk behind my back it still feels like it. Why must they hate me? No matter what they say they say does it even matter? It doesnt matter what they say, its what they think. They think terrible things,
its just our generation. So why do I keep myself around them? I love them all so much. They all mean the world to me, yet I dont think (well, I know) they don't feel the same. Why must this game be so cruel? Should it all just end(no suicide)? Just it all be gone(no suicide)? What if this life isnt even real, just a projection of our innermost thoughts(HOLY JESUS> EXSTISTENTIAL CRISIS)? What if I deserve all this hate, all this self-loathing(NO YOU DO NOT). If so many people have given it to me does that mean I deserve it(OF COURSE NOT)? I am what I think 1 1/2 weeks clean and I'm not gonna break it, but Im just saying if the opportuinity presented itself, such as a car coming straight towards me, I would let it(YOU BETTER NOT). I think so many people in this world would. This society forces everyone to grow up too quick, we cant handle it(I agree). All this stress, it's broken us all(pretty much. the conditions in school are more restrictive than prison and tha tis a fact). Its honestly up to us to change it, but can we?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, yo, kat13254 and LittleSister! Strange here on this fantastic day and I have a review for you guys!
Okay, this is actually going to be a fairly short review. It's not because I'm diving low just to get points, oh no, it's because this is a hard work to review. Actually, this is the hardest work this year to review. Not in a good way, sadly. I'll go over that in a little bit. It's not my lack of brain capacity why, it's just because there is too much going on. Let's dive in, shall we?
First of all, there's too much in these paragraphs. Usually paragraphs are about five through seven sentences each, yet this didn't feel like it. It felt like a way to over simulate the person's brain. "Listen to this! Listen to that! Listen to aHGHFGEGDFSDBUFBFH" is what I honestly got out of it. It is an easy thing to fix, don't worry, but it feels like there was a bit too much jumping around.
Secondly, the brackets are not needed. If you already have us going on a dog chase to get an understanding, no need to add brackets. Too much for the eyes. It sounds like the MC is just a jumbled mess. Voices in their head, whatever. It doesn't help the story at all. It needs to be lenient towards the readers taste, in a sense.
Last but not least, I didn't feel that much towards the MC. It's not because I'm a cold hearted jerk, though that could be true depending on how you interpret my actions, it's because there wasn't anything that's heart jerking. I felt a thinly veiled sense of emotion. All I saw were words. If you want to make an impact on a reader, try to add more presence, more emotion. Make it feel like the MC is actually suffering. If not, I find no point. This story, like all, have potential, and I know you guys can capitalize on that.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
This was more of a vent about my own feelings with the brackets being Little trying to contradict my ideas to make me feel better, so I admit myself the paragraphs are messy. Like I said this was just mainly a way to get my feelings out in a way that won't be harmful to myself (Like I said in the story I'm 1 1/2-2 weeks clean)
This is an honest piece and it broke my heart a little. You have presented intense feelings and emotions. It also feels personal as you have projected your own internal struggle. I liked how you contrasted your thoughts with @LittleSister's. It sort of balances itself out. It's depressing, but many people can relate to it. The questions you have asked are deep; they forces us to think.
I'm aware it's a freewrite, a way for you to vent, so I guess I shouldn't tell you to focus on the technical aspects as much. However, I'd strongly recommend you to break down the paragraphs. They look cramped and are difficult to read.
I don't know if you have put up a trigger warning. If you haven't, I'd advise you to do so.
I hope you learn to rediscover yourself and love yourself just as you are.
Wish you all the best for the future.
Last of all, keep writing!
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/
Don't just watch one. It's kind of randomised so check out a bunch. I believe the origin is LGBT support but it's also meant for anyone who feels bullied, alone, or is just having a tough time, especially in high school & junior high.
Eh it's better now, those thoughts have just been lingering for the past month.
Well any time you think of it, it's a pretty uplifting site!
Thanks! ^_^
I honestly know there are SO many grammar mistakes (thanks to me) but yeah. You are my friend and I am so glad you got all this out. Hope you feel better.
clubs/1911/wall
Join this ^^