Well its happening for her again….
Another night of crying and hiding in the bathroom. She just wants to give up.The thoughts of not breathing, not thinking, not talking run through her head every day and night. She tries to get help but all she does is get pushed back down. She gave that up though; she gave up trying to get help because when she does, she gets trapped. To the point where she can’t get back up and she can’t have that happen because sooner or later she’s going to get pushed down and trapped down and not want to get up. No, no that can’t happen; that isn’t ever going to happen because once she doesn’t get back up, she won’t be breathing anymore. She’s got to wake up; she’s got to start living before it gets too late.
She wakes up every morning scared and heart racing from the monsters. Their starting to get to her in her sleep. Starting to give her nightmares that are so bad that she hurts herself in her sleep now. She wakes up kicking, hitting, not breathing, and crying. She’s scared to take showers because she’s terrified that she will find marks on her body from scratches in her sleep. She’s gotten to the point where she’s terrified to sleep. She doesn’t want to close her eyes; she doesn’t want to dream anymore because she all turned into nightmares. She has gotten so used to the nightmares that she doesn’t even realize that most of them came into the real world, once she starts hurting and crying she gets scared again. I mean who wouldn’t? The thought of being broken apart and hurt and pushed down so many times that you never want to keep going would scare a lot of people, except the ones who have given up. They didn’t feel loved. They didn’t feel wanted. They feel alone. Just like she does, she isn’t alone though. She needs someone to help her, to wake her up from her nightmares and show her the good side to life.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hi there,
It was incredibly realistic.
I really loved the way you presented how a person suffering from depression really feels, what he or she has to go through, what he or she feels everyday and everynight, their loneliness, through this amazing piece of essay. That loneliness is the worst feeling. You can be lonely even when you're not alone, when you're amid people who don't understand what you are going through.
The essay reflects how horrific it is when you are can't even trust yourself, when you are afraid of yourself and how you would want to keep yourself accompanied by someone who understand all these feelings, who will not want to judge you, who will just always be there to listen to you.
I don't know if you ever suffered from depression or if you are suffering, I'm guessing that's what drove you to write this, I don't know, I'm just guessing! Either way, take care
Well, keep writing! We can write about literally anything around us, anything happening to us, anything realistic, we don't need anything specific to write about all the time. Let yourself be your own inspiration! Don't let any type of doubt come anywhere near you.
Best regards,
-MeherazulAzim
Thank you!
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your review. I enjoyed it very much.
Hello @kamsgirl3715,
I confess myself speechless: reading this took my breath away. You articulate pain with this monologue in a way that was irresistible to me. This is an unusual form; I would not call it an essay or an article, but maybe free verse poetry?
Onto the review!
"Well its happening for her again…."
I would cut this, personally, and get straight to "Another night of..." It is far more dramatic, and intriguing to me.
"She gave that up though; she gave up trying to get help because when she does, she gets trapped."
This spoke to me, as someone who as struggled on and off with depression. There is that feeling that, with allowing people in or accepting help, you are only digging yourself further down in the darkness. Great articulation.
" To the point where she can’t get back up and she can’t have that happen because sooner or later she’s going to get pushed down and trapped down and not want to get up. No, no that can’t happen; that isn’t ever going to happen because once she doesn’t get back up, she won’t be breathing anymore. She’s got to wake up; she’s got to start living before it gets too late."
I liked the idea you present here, that it is easy to get sucked into depression, but you can't lose the fight, because you don't get another chance. My only gentle suggestion is that you prune a bit: it is an impactful message, but it gets masked slightly when you repeat yourself, or over-do the run on sentences.
"Their starting to get to her in her sleep."
I think you might mean "They're"? As in they-are?
"She’s scared to take showers because she’s terrified that she will find marks on her body from scratches in her sleep. She’s gotten to the point where she’s terrified to sleep. She doesn’t want to close her eyes; she doesn’t want to dream anymore because she all turned into nightmares. She has gotten so used to the nightmares that she doesn’t even realize that most of them came into the real world, once she starts hurting and crying she gets scared again. I mean who wouldn’t?"
That 'afraid to shower' piece was strong. I loved it, but when you describe that she is afraid to sleep, after just stating that she scratches herself in her sleep, I got a little lost. I would omit the 'afraid to sleep' part entirely if I were revising this. Your idea that she harms herself subconsciously is so much more impactful and tragic to me.
" The thought of being broken apart and hurt and pushed down so many times that you never want to keep going would scare a lot of people, except the ones who have given up."
This was truth. So good.
I really enjoyed reading this, kamsgirl. You've got outstanding talent with a pen. You're ability to translate that fear and pain was tremendous.
I hope you continue to write often, and I look forward to seeing more of your work here on YWS! If I can help with anything, or if you have any questions, feel free to drop me a PM.
Excellent work!
-mav
Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com
Thank you! You know; I enjoyed your review. I'm glad you understood different part and knew the meaning to it all. Thank you for pointing out my typo's that i didn't even realize when i was writing.