As I sit in my room at age 17 on the night of your birthday I began thinking about so much. There's so much I remember. So many little personal traditions. I lay down and smile so big...then the smile slowly starts to fade and I start to tear up. I start saying over and over "Why?", "Why her?", "Why MY mom?". I just want to scream and throw things. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. "It's just a dream." I say. "This is all just a dream that I will wake up from soon."...but it's not just a dream.
I start panicking. I start thinking...who am I gonna be hugging, give a kiss on the cheek, wait for one back, then cover up and say goodnight and I love you? Who am I gonna just drive around with and laugh and enjoy the weather? How am I gonna carry on without her?..."God," I whisper "you can't take her."
I start thinking again...Who's gonna see me walk across the stage to see me graduate then say "I'm proud of you baby girl!" Who's gonna give me away and walk me down the aisle when i get married?
I start smiling again. I even laugh a little at the happy, funny memories that run through my head. I remember this photo I saw on Facebook once, it said "If some stranger came up to you and asked you to describe me, what would you tell them?"
I got to thinking that if my mom shared it, It would never end. She's the sun to my shine, without her I would be in the dark. Cold, alone, with a broken heart, and lost.
I can't take the thought that one morning I won't be able to get up and make her favorite coffee that she loves, or watching our favorite show "Ellen" in the afternoon.
I start to get sleepy so I get up, walk into where she sleeps and kiss her on the cheek and say I love you. I whisper "Please don't go, please don't leave me. I still need you. Don't make me yell at your funeral "PLEASE WAKE UP MOMMY! PLEASE DON'T GO!"....I fall asleep next to her and whisper once more "I love you mommy, please don't go."
Next day I wake up......I'm 20 years old....I lay here and start crying, knowing that when I saw her, it was just in a dream.....
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
I kept having goosebumps as I read it... I.. I really don't know what to say.. I'm speechless..
Thank you, I think. I hope that is a good thing
Hi, Kam!
Well, I read that the story is based on your true experience. Your mother is sick.
Kam, it's always heartwarming to read stories based on real life experience, specially the ones like this. I think, these stories don't deserve any review. They are the best the way they are written. The mistakes in them become right for their strong existence in real life.
This is the first time I am reading a story like this. And I am not going to tell you where you made mistakes or which part of it I didn't like. Cus I loved every bit of it.
A message to you. Be strong. It doesn't matter how hard we try, we always have to lose to death. It is inevitable. But, writing is always your best friend. Whatever you feel, just write them down. Your experiences, either they are sad or funny, are your biggest influences in your life and your writing. So, use these pains and tears to write something extraordinary and give your mom a new life through your writing.
I am eagerly waiting to read more of your works.
Thank you so much for your review. Your is probably my favorite one. I almost teared up a lil.
aww this is good! Sorry about this
Thanks and it's okay.
Hello there, gonna review this for you quickly.
Firstly: the story is very sad, and successfully made me empathize with the narrator. Not sure if this was fiction-based, or true? But either way, you did a wonderful job portraying an emotional situation.
The only thing I have to nit pick about, is the grammar. In several instances, there aren't capitalized words, where there should be.
Other than that, the story is very well written, on an emotional level. I rarely feel emotion for characters, but this narration made me feel a bit saddened. So, good job! Keep writing, and I hope to read more works from you eventually!
No problem, and the story is based on you, or? I'm glad you used this story for your poem, though. I've learned poetry is a wonderful way to release your emotions in a productive way, and to "vent". You have a lot of poetential, as well! I'm very sorry, about the circumstances, though.
Yes it's based on me. I'm the 17 year old with a dying mother. I actually read this to my mom and she started crying. The next day she asked if that's what I really do in my bedroom and I said yes, sometimes. But it's okay. No need to be sorry.
OK, I'm not sure if this is a true story(Because of the desc. and "Ellen"). This did really good at giving me a sad feeling. There are a few mistakes, however:
"why?, "why her?", "why MY mom?".
First, capitalize "Why?" and you forgot to put another " in the first "Why?". So it should be:
"Why?" I cried "Why her...why MY mom?!".
2nd:
it said "If some stranger came up to you and asked you to describe me, what would you tell them?"
I got to thinking that if my mom shared it, I would never end.
"I would never end" makes no sense.
3rd:
As I sit in my room at age 17-
What you're saying is "Sitting at my room at age 17" which sounds a bit confusing.
It was pretty good, though!
ok one the 3rd part. I put what I meant. I would never put "sitting at my room at 17". That's stupid sounding. I know what I put.
Oh.
yeah lol