from the exterior
my house seems
like all the others on the block
completely and utterly ordinary
but once you step inside
you'll watch the problems
begin to arise
the oak floorboards
look nice and shiny
but once stepped on
they disintegrate and crumble
underneath your demanding feet
the crisp white paint on the walls
appears strong and bright
but once looked at for too long
they slip off the walls
and hide in between
the cracks of the rotten floorboards
the lights flicker on and off
their bright beams of sunshine
can only last for so long
before they run out
of fight to go on
the cozy furniture
is comfortable and warm
but crushes underneath
the slightest bit
of too much weight
but the real problem
lies underneath the weak furniture
and unstable floors
the problem lies within
the very foundation of the house
the foundation of my house
is diseased and rotted through
made to hate the oak floorboards
for being too shiny,
to loathe how
the white paint
is just far too white
for anybody to like
the foundation of my house is made to
hate that the lights aren't always on
and prefers that they shut off permanently
the cozy furniture is useless
and seems to always need
constant repairs that will only
be broken once more
when that crushing weight arrives
the foundation of my house
will always be corroded
no matter how hard
I try to cover it up
with fresh paint
and shiny new floors
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This poem reminds me a lot of my own house. People look at it, think it's suburban, think it's normal. I call it a house because it isn't a home, certainly. Notably, you used the same word. You didn't say home. You said house. It's colder, more neutral. It isn't a home, which conjures the idea of comfy and warm and safe- it's simply a place you go. Somewhere you return to.
It's not just being literal, talking about a bad household. It's talking about covering up, about mental illness, about needing help but being too afraid to ask.
Hi! It's hop! I'm sorry that my review is going to be short. I don't think I can do an all-out review right now and I just wanted to truly apologize for that. I'm just struggling and reviewing is the only way I can take my mind off of it.
While I was reading this, I started to no longer corelate this as a house and more of the narrator talking about themselves. I don't know if this was your intent, but that's how I precepted it. It's like they were saying how they look perfect on the outside but just a little bit of pressure can make them go tumbling down. It genuinely reminds me of someone attempting to mask. The way you described masking was incredible and creative. You made the reader connect the dots without straight up telling them.
Also, I really like the imagery used in the poem. You constantly used descriptive words without making it sound like you were trying so hard to include as many as possible.
Again, I'm sorry this was so short. Thanks for reading my review and I hope that this gets more views because this is a truly amazing poem. I hope you do well. Take care <33
Happy Writing! Happy November! Stay Amazing!
Love,
Hop
Thank you so much! That's exactly what I was trying to go for with this poem and I've been trying to work on using more imagery instead being so direct in my poetry