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Recovering

by justine94


I am a recovering addict.

Every time I stumble, my first thought is a prayer for forgiveness...the second is "Tomorrow I'll start fresh." The third contemplation is whether or not to tell anyone that I landed hard. After all, they are always waiting to catch me before I hit the ground. I simply refused their arm this time.

The day afterwards is always the hardest. I have found ways to block the images out of my mind, but now my world is dominated by the fear of giving myself away...of being found out. Coming to college was terrifying; my greatest worry was whether or not I could remain stable on the Rock. Accountability is definitely available, and I made it through about two and a half months without stepping into the hot lava that is my downfall. Then came the day that I chose to dip a toe into the scorching liquid. I crossed a line.

Six months have gone by since I began my freshman year. Six months of learning to love myself, discovering that I am an extrovert, and building trusting friendships that go beyond anything I could have imagined before. Six months, and still I am a recovering addict. Nothing has changed there. Not that I am surprised. These things take time.

I am a recovering addict.


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60 Reviews


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Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:40 pm
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HorriBliss wrote a review...



Great piece, does it come from personal experience?

It's far too short for me to scrutinise it in detail but the voice of the narrator comes across clean - no B.S., just straight to the point, y'know? I like the bluntness of her (I imagined it being a girl, I could be entirely wrong, of course), she doesn't beat around bush or make excuses, it's refreshing to see.

I like the inference that she's discovering that she's an extrovert meaning that she never knew that she was before - she lived isolated from the world, somewhat, existing in her own bubble, afraid to burst out.

The cyclic structure was also a neat way to tie it up, despite being a bit of a downer, but I suppose everything does take time and I hope she does recover :)

If you've any questions/comments about this review or any additional things you want me to comment on regarding this piece, just let me know!




justine94 says...


Thanks HorriBliss. Yes, it is actually my own experience, right down to the last period.

I chose not to make it very long because it fit the type of addiction--short-lived, and abrupt ending every time. I don't tend to make excuses or beat around the bush in real life, and it typically translates into my writing.

I never thought about it that way before. Now that you mention it, I was isolated. College brought the extrovert out of me...I think it was screaming to be released until then.

Really appreciate your comments!



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Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:23 pm
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FermentingFruit wrote a review...



Wow, this is really good. And really deep. This came from the heart, and it's really touching.

You had some really good language, like when you said, "Then came the day that I chose to dip a toe into the scorching liquid." That's really strong. You made an excellent job of having your voice, and this was very good. I loved how you used the same sentence to start and end this piece, very good. I really liked this, it was really deep, and really great.

Fruit




justine94 says...


Thank you so much!

I used the wording that comes to mind when I imagine the aching agony that comes after picking myself back up again. There were so many thoughts running through my head...the challenge was to summarize them.




I feel like if I was the mafia I’d leave a voicemail.
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