Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I was absolutely crazy about her since I first met her. That day at the spelling bee when I won, even though it was written all over her face that she hated me, she still tried to congratulate me. Ever since that day, I’ve loved messing with her. She turns this beautiful slight shade of red when I do. But some days she gets on my nerves so bad it makes me want to pull her by her hair and just…
Let me stop. I can’t go down that rabbit hole again.
When my parents signed me up for that spelling bee, I didn’t feel anything really. They saw that I was effortlessly smart and wanted me to be in more activities. They never cared too much though, since they had been happy for anything higher than a D.
And when I won, I still felt nothing. But then Ariyana came up to me.
She had a strained smile on her face, congratulating me on the win. The way she looked at me, you could absolutely tell this was killing her to do. It made me crack a grin. I walked away, not thinking I would ever see her again.
Next thing I knew, a few months later without a word to me about it. My parents transferred me to a gifted school so I could hone my mind. Not a “Hey son, do you wanna go to a school to better accommodate your growing brain?” Nope, one day in the middle of the year, they told me. As I was walking into this foreign school.
I saw her, sitting outside of a classroom. Notebook in her lap and a pencil in her mouth. When she noticed me, she looked up.
Looking at me with the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen when she realized who I was.
I knew we were going to have a fun time from that day on, or at least I knew I was, especially when I found out we had an almost identical schedule. In classes, I always got the highest grades on anything and everything really—projects, assignments, homework, anything. Then she got a better grade on a test than me. Her condescending and cocky smirk made me never want to come in second to her again. Just to show her who she was messing with.
I started to tutor others as a side job. It made me a nice sum of money, and it felt kind of nice to see kids actually understand a topic or something new after I explained it to them.
What made it the best thing in the world was when I got asked to tutor Ariyana by Ms. Brooks.
She came up to me as she was about to head into the school for a PTA meeting. I was just leaving football practice when I saw her.
“Hello, Isaiah! I hope you’ve been doing good. Last time I saw you was at that science fair, right? Which one of you won that again? It was my Ariyana, wasn’t it?”
She said, showing her full thirty two. Gums and all.
She loved to subtly brag about her daughter. It was so obvious though.
And she was wrong. I won that one.
“No ma’am, that was me,” I laughed, a soft smile on my face. “But what did you need?”
That’s when she asked me,
“Could you please tutor Ariyana? She just got a low B on a very important test. I think she’s going down the wrong path.”
She sounded so worried I had to hold back my “Huh,” since it was still a B. But of course a mother like Ariyana’s would care about such a thing, being a doctor and all.
But I couldn’t turn down such an offer.
Tutoring her and being able to rub it in her face at every given moment?
Yeah, that sounded better than a thousand dollars.
After that night, I have been seeing her a little differently. She was just so cute. It was like she couldn’t take me mixing with her home life. Like I threw her all the way off and she didn’t know how to get back on track.
And her face when I got close to kissing her… ugh.
I will be dreaming about that face for as long as I live.
But I think it was best that her parents showed up. I don’t know if she would have been able to look at me the same again. Maybe never even look at me again.
I lay in bed thinking about her, having about thirty minutes left until my alarm clock rings and I have to get ready for school. Sixty minutes until I see her again.
Why am I so excited? Like a little girl seeing a boy she likes or how when I was eight and I gave this girl I liked a flower. But I want to give Ariyana a lot more than a flower, I want to give her the world. I want to make her so irritated until she can’t take it anymore and just accepts that she is mine.
I want to try and sleep a little more, but every time I close my eyes, all I see is Ariyana. Her glare, her pouty face, and her smile. I only see her smile when she gets a higher score than me, definitely thinking about how much better she is than me.
I should go back to sleep. I need these last thirty minutes of sleep. I definitely won’t be able to get dressed on time if I don’t, and if I’m late one more time, I’ll be in for a long lecture by Mrs. Scott.
Last night was amazing though. She was so adorable, all pouty and stomping. Especially when she had that little tantrum on the couch.
I wonder how she’ll look at me when I see her.
With disgust?
Or barely masked irritation?
I can’t wait to see her again.
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138,580 Literary Works • 672,172 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the atrocious S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Isaiah wins a spelling bee and doesn’t really care that he wins until he sees that he beat Ariyana. Because he likes her, this is more of a win for him and now, he wants to keep beating her just to see her mad.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I would like to see Ariyana’s pov, but I am certain that will come in next chapters.
Chocolate Bar - Isaiah seems like he’s very self-centered and annoying…and I like that. It shows his personality very well. I also like how he kinda wants to be challenged by Ariyana, because he likes the feeling of fighting with her, like a game.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an intriguing chapter on Isaiah’s hopefully not one sided relationship. I enjoyed reading this and I will be sure to read more chapters. So…
I wish you a glorious day/night! ^v^
Ariyana%u2019s POV is in the first two chapters
yayy
Sorry if this chapter is a little different or not as good. It’s been a while, im just getting back into this
“about it. My parents” i think this is supposed to be a comma.
In this portion, there’s a bit of confusion. The reader might think that this is Ariyana talking, not Ms. Brooks. I had to go back and um watchamacallit… reread. Sorry my brain is a little slow right now, lol. And so you don’t want your readers re-reading bcuz it’s a novel and not a textbook, you know what im saying? I feel you’re very skilled, and adding a little something here to make things clearer would be easy for you. Maybe just using Ms. Brooks instead of She? Up to you! I’m just a regular dude with opinions, lol, and I need points, hahaha.
“And she was wrong. I won that one.” This part is so funny. Honestly, you’re very good at making the protagonist voice, Isaiah, is so cool in my opinion. That COOL factor is here. The legendary COOL status. It’s really hard to pull it off in my humble opinion, but I really love his voice. It’s not easy to pull off this sort of, ummmm, sardonic edgy guy. That takes talent. Being funny takes talent.
“And her face when I got close to kissing her… ugh.” I get that we are in Isaiah’s bed, 30 minutes before his alarm, and he was just thinking about all of these things that HAD happened in the past. And you still did a great job smacking the reader with like i guess the disappointment or tension or apparent relief that the parents showed up before they could kiss. I think you did a great job building up the tension, but with all that said, I wonder what it would be like to actually live through the experience? I get the sense that you’re about to start writing the story from this point, and we the readers sort of just received a really nice catch-up rundown, but everything our boy just reminisced seems like a book all on its own, but what do i know, right? I’m not exactly an expert in Romance.
"she gets on my nerves" and "I want to give her the world" captures that messy, contradictory teenage infatuation perfectly, methinks. "I will be dreaming about that face for as long as I live" land because they feel earned by everything that came before.
Them almost kissing is the only place where his feelings seem to be reciprocated, but then the sentences after that gave me the sense that she didn’t want to kiss him neither, but it doesn’t seem like she snitched on him lol. Also ummm I thought I noticed you switch from past to present tense, but that’s not necessarily wrong every time it happens, so take that with a grain of salt for sure.
So like i said earlier, the internal monologue while our boy lays in bed ahead of his alarm, which means so much bcuz teens seem to not wake up to alarms so that’s a lot of feelings for that girl, Ariyana, but the readers are starting to get hungry for action, like HOW does he love her. Telling us how much he loves her can only go so far, until the readers start getting hungry for the actual show. I hope i’m making sense. It’s that old show don’t tell? It’s not a hard rule, but it tells of a pattern preferred by readers, generally. Me don’t know. Me just a regular dude letting you know the words that come up in me as I experience your prose.
He says things like "I have been seeing her a little differently" and "she was just so cute," which are surface-level declarations. What specifically shifted for him during that tutoring night? Was it something she said, the way she laughed, a moment of vulnerability? Giving us one concrete, sensory detail from that session would do more for the romance than several lines of him saying she's cute.
"accepts that she is mine" walks a fine line. it fits a cocky teen voice, but without Ariyana's perspective or any softness to balance it, it can read more controlling than swoon-worthy.
The ending is a genuine strength. Closing on "With disgust? Or barely masked irritation? I can't wait to see her again" is such a perfect encapsulation of this dynamic. he's fully smitten and completely self-aware about it, and the fact that even her annoyance excites him tells us everything about where he is emotionally. It leaves the reader wanting the next chapter, which is exactly what a romance beat should do.