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How to Improve Your Self-Love

by jellococo


Note: This is a post from my personal blog if you wish to read more of my posts, please do visit: https://frommentaltocreations.blogspot.com/

"Love yourself", a common saying that can be easier said than done.

Lately, due to social media, I've seen that many people have become ashamed of the features that they were born with because they didn't fit this toxic "beauty standard". Well, I hate to break it to y'all but you won't ever fit the standard, that's just the harsh reality. I'm definitely also guilty of previously trying to fit society's beauty standard but lately, I've been extremely confident about the way I look (as I should be). This is only due to me improving my self-love. In order for you to love yourself, you first need to realize your own value (that includes not only your body but you as an overall person) By the end of this article, I hope you'll have the right tools you need to improve the love you have for yourself.

So, instead of just trying to change your outer appearance, you should also be changing your mindset because you deserve to be loved for who you already are and you shouldn't be ashamed of the features you were born with because God made you and he does not make mistakes! This means accepting yourself no matter how you look that day because let's be honest we won't always be content with what we're seeing in the mirror but if you already love yourself you won't care what you look like for that particular day. You'll love yourself regardless of what you look like, and that's true self-love! Which is our goal by the end of this journey to your self-love. It's definitely a process but I know we can do it!

*Although I said you should love yourself no matter what you look like you can still improve your outer appearance by practicing regular hygiene, working out, and changing up your style. This is not required but it's highly recommended, these simple things can give you a crazy amount of confidence and it can actually be considered practicing self-love because you are pampering yourself! I also recommend making your own beauty standard for yourself (meaning how do you, yourself want to look, not being affected by any standards but your own). Before all of this though, I recommend you to do the following to improve your self-love:

1. Overcome Your Shortcomings & Insecurities

We all have shortcomings but what if you could improve them and turn them into motivation?

Yes, it is possible, start with writing down what bothers you about yourself. You may have a long list but don't get discouraged. Now, start with the first thing on your list. Look at it for 10 seconds, right now, do it!

Okay, now I want you to write or think about what you could do to fix that?

Is it an outer feature that you wish to change? if it is don't be discouraged. I know I said to make your own beauty standard but to do this you need to be willing to accept yourself. So, I would recommend evaluating if you'd really, really like to change that thing. If you said yes then depending on what it is you are welcome to get the surgery on it, try new diets, or do anything else to change that "flaw" of yours BUT here me out, I think if you can overcome that insecurity you might just feel even more powerful, actually no YOU WILL feel more powerful.

(***Diets are a terrible idea!! DON'T DO THIS, I will never recommendmy readers to put themselves through these. I believe in the power of a balanced lifestyle including eating healthy amounts of food and regular exercise, which is doing something of your choice to get your body moving. I was just using them as an example of all the unnecessary stuff you can do to change yourself***)

How can you overcome this insecurity?

Well, there are so many things I could tell you but I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. You need to go in the mirror right now and look at it. Is it excessive fat? maybe oddly shaped? maybe marks or scars? Maybe even something that I don't know about? Let's first evaluate how much you hate it? go ahead write it down. Maybe a sentence just describing how much you hate it. Now below that tell me why you hate it? Maybe someone told you it didn't look great. Maybe they even laughed at you or maybe social media has influenced the way you see that feature. Either way, I want you to eliminate that memory from your brain, or delete that social media account, go ahead.

Now write this on a separate piece of paper:

"(your insecurity) makes me confident" * 10

"(your insecurity) is my beauty spot" *10

"(your insecurity) makes me different in a great way" *10

"When I walk out of the house everyone will applaud me for being confident about (your insecurity)" *1

Note: the last one is obviously for fun but I highly encourage you to think like this because it'll boost your confidence. You ARE the main character in YOUR life so pretend/imagine that everyone is applauding you if you want. I promise you it works wonders for improving your confidence.

-You may not think this is effective but I promise you the more you get these statements into your head the faster you'll believe them. It doesn't matter if you believe these statements right now but what matters is that you WILL believe them.

-You could repeat this every day or just do it once a week (depending on how much you really want to overcome this) The power is in your hands!

-The cool thing is that this insecurity could actually be the new beauty standard in the future, you never know so get out of the house and own it. No one is going to judge you and if they do then let me tell you a secret: they only needed a reason to put you down because they were jealous of how confident and good-looking you looked. They became insecure themselves so they had to find something "bad" about you. They are the ones that should be hiding, not you. So, go out and you do you.

I'll tell you another secret: No one really cares about what you do (and if they do then they need to get out of your business) so just do your own thing! Do what you want (of course anything legal), wear what you want, and be confident because you have every reason to be. Don't let others win by letting their insecurities make you question your worth.

I also have a few other tips on how to feel confident:

-Wear AirPods or any earbuds: I promise you when you feel mysterious you feel so great, It's awesome. So, blast those EDM beats and own your life. (This may not be the case for everyone so be sure to try wearing them with this in mind)

-Wear Combat boots: For some reason whenever I wear combat boots I automatically feel extremely confident. It's just something about them that makes me feel AWESOME (This may not be the case for everyone so be sure to try wearing them with this in mind)

-Wear high heels: It can make you feel high and mighty! (This may not be the case for everyone so be sure to try wearing them with this in mind)

-Wear black: Black not only gives the illusion that you're smaller but it also gives you a whole bunch of confidence. (This may not be the case for everyone so be sure to try wearing them with this in mind)

Remember: what you wear matters!!! It greatly affects your mental health which is why when people are depressed they tend to wear dirty and/or baggy clothes.

So, if the thing you wanted to change was a bigger part of your body(as in fatter) that you want smaller then I think you should try strength exercises. Don't kill yourself, just do 2-3 strength exercises that target that area each day. And remember to stay moving!

Also, remember this rule: if you aren't willing to work for it you aren't qualified to complain about it. Whether that be working on your mindset or working out.

You DON'T have to change this insecurity of yours but you can if you wish to. When you change the mindset and accept that insecurity as a good thing then you will overcome it. It's a long process so don't expect this to be an overnight thing.

If it was an inner quality that you wanted to change about yourself then I have some tips for you:

Identify what it was once again; Write out each quality that you'd like to change. Was it that you want to be more forgiving? More positive? Nicer? Help others? Stop talking about other people behind their backs? Be more compassionate? More empathetic? More outgoing? or maybe something else that wasn't mentioned? First, you should identify the thing you want to change the most then go lay down on a flat floor or your bed and close your eyes.

Feel your body at peace, see the darkness from your eyelids, clear your thoughts, Imagine yourself being the exact person with this trait that you want. See yourself interacting with people while having this trait. Imagine yourself in different situations that you want to have this trait in. Think about what influenced you to want this trait. Was it that someone said you need to be more....? Or did you see someone with this exact trait and thought "hmmm maybe if I had that trait I'd look that cool" or "hmm maybe if I had that trait I'd a better person". After you've evaluated your reason then you can be clear on your motivation for having this particular trait.

Comeback to do this process every single day...We as humans have the tendency to forget what's good for us which is why God said we are dumber than sheep and need Jesus as our Shepherd. By regularly reflecting on how you want to look, your motivation, and how you'll gain this trait you train your brain to remember this every time you encounter situations where this trait can be used.

2. Figure Out Your Strong Points

To further help you overcome your insecurities or to just grow your self-love in general you should try to focus on your strong points. How can you do this? Start by making a list of 5-10 things you like/love about yourself.

This could also include what others have told you they like about you but try to make this list based off of your own judgment rather than anyone else's because it's healthier for you to be the one to realize you like these things about yourself. Look at this list each morning to focus your brain on those good things.

3. Find Out Your Interests

*I mentioned this in so many articles but it really is important to have things to go to when you need to escape.*

Do you enjoy sports, music, maybe writing? or language learning? I don't know you so I can't tell you what you like but I do have some suggestions for finding out your interest/interests:

Just go after what you find interesting. You know that one thing you've always wanted to do. Why wait? Do what you want. Don't be ashamed if you think this interest isn't to your "standard" just listen to what your feelings/brain is telling you. Don't listen to the people saying "that's weird why would you like that" because after all, we can't help it if we like something... Now embrace your interests, You can do it!

Here, here's a courage cookie for you 🍪

4. Learn Something New

By learning something new such as baking, sports-related skills, educating yourself on current news, reading, researching a topic that interests you, or learning a new language, etc. you can become smarter and more educated leading you to be more confident and this could most definitely improve your self-love. So, I advise you to engage in at least one of these activities each day and also read every day. This includes news articles, novels, non-fictional works, how-tos, and more, just get your brain working!

5. Develop a Healthy Lifestyle

Obviously, I was going to include this but you should really develop a healthy lifestyle consisting of healthy habits. What do I mean by this? Well, I like to think of a healthy lifestyle as a mindset type of thing rather than just health-related because after all our thoughts greatly influence how we act. Click here for some habits you should include in a healthy lifestyle

6. Make Goals for Yourself to Have a Sense of Purpose

What is your goal? Maybe you have career goals or maybe they are things you wish to improve about yourself. Whatever it is write it down right now and put it on your wall. If you have enough confidence to do this and show everyone that comes into your room then you're ready to go after it. Don't wait to do it, go for it now! Nothing is impossible all you have to do is start, GO GO GO!

7. Take a break from the media

Like I said the unrealistic beauty standards are mostly what kills our self-love, so by eliminating exposure to this standard you can significantly decrease the intensity of how much you judge your own body.

8. Make a Workout and Diet plan

This goes with the appearance side of self-love. You'll not only feel more confident in your appearance but also your overall mental and physical health can improve with a good diet and exercise schedule. (I will be making a separate article with workout tips)

9. Play with your style

Another great way to get away from the toxic standards is to make your own fashion trends. Wear what you want and own it! See a shirt you like? get it. See a dress you like? get it. See anything you like? get it! Of course, that is if it is in your price range. Don't just go buying stuff that you can't afford because then you'll feel guilty and that's exactly the opposite of what we want.

10. Remind Yourself That You are Enough

I know it can be tempting to want to change yourself or want to become extremely successful later on in life but at the end of the day remind yourself that what you've already achieved and who you already are is enough! It is good to have goals but just be sure to remember that who you are right now should be appreciated just as much as the future you!

SUCCESS DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR SELF LOVE.

EXTRA TIP:

This is my personal favorite thing to do to improve my self-confidence...

Okay so, go dress up in your favorite outfit. Do it.....RIGHT NOW

Now, go in front of the mirror and strike a few poses, work on the confidence you have in the way you look. I've talked to so many people my age that do the same thing and they said the same thing as me: "It makes me feel powerful, just admiring Gods work and all :) "

GOOOOO TRY IT, I promise you won't regret it!

-----

So, ultimately, everyone has insecurities it's just that some people have learned how to accept theirs, that doesn't mean that they never struggle with them it's just rather less intense when they do. Once you realize that everything about you is unique and that being unique should be something to celebrate, I promise you'll love yourself even more. Remember: Don't compare yourself to these toxic standards seen in the media or anyone for that matter because you are unique and irreplaceable. Plus the standards aren't even real, most of the pictures you see are fake, photoshopped and they use the illusion of angles and makeup which makes it a completely unrealistic standard for real life. Your looks do NOT define your self-love but they can help you to improve your self-love if you wish.

---

Thanks for reading today's article! I hope it was informative and that you learned a bit from it :) 

Note: This is a post from my personal blog if you wish to read more, please do: https://frommentaltocreations.blogspot.com/


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Sun Feb 07, 2021 6:11 pm
Elinor wrote a review...



Hi Jellococo!

My name is Elinor, and I thought I would drop by to give you a quick review on your piece. I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for since you mentioned that you reposted it from your blog, but I figured I would chime in with my thoughts nonetheless. I tried to look for the article on your blog and I couldn't find it, so my apologies if you've already done anything I've mentioned here.

I enjoyed reading the article, and I admire the detail you went into it with. You seem like you've been doing this kind of thing for a while, or at least it's something that you take seriously.

Overall, I think you offer really solid advice in this article that I agree with, so my advice will center around things I think you can do to offer more reader retention. This is a long article, and when I'm looking for self help on the internet, I'm usually looking for quick and breezy reads. I also feel like underlining and bolding is overused here, and made me start to skim as I was reading. Used sparingly, you can emphasize certain words and phrases to great effect, but too much and the article starts to seem sloppy. I also noticed item 5 isn't the same large font as the other items.

I also think some photos for each item could be great here, whatever you think works well for each section. I would also do a proofread to catch a few spelling mistakes here and there.

This section also stood out to me:

-Wear Combat boots: For some reason whenever I wear combat boots I automatically feel extremely confident. It's just something about them that makes me feel AWESOME (this is also the case with high heels)


Combat boots might work for you, but they won't for all of your readers, and I think you should clarify this here. Usually, these kind of articles focus on the kinds of things you can do and offer the reader room to interpret it in way that works for them. You could clarify this here.

"Be sure you dress well, combat boots and high heels are my personal favorite, depending on the situation" -- if you're going to mention high heels, don't put it as an afterthought.

Great work! Happy writing, and keep doing what you're doing. Don't hesitate to reach out if you want any feedback clarified.

Cheers,
Elinor




jellococo says...


Thank you so much for your help I will keep this in mind and edit my post. I may even possibly make a simplified version. Overall thank you so much your review really helped me! Have a great day.



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Sun Feb 07, 2021 6:10 pm
illy7896 says...



I haven't read all of it, but what I have read is really true and uplifting. It really doesn't matter what others think about you, and you own your style. I'm definitely going to refer back to this on days when I'm feeling down :)




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Sat Feb 06, 2021 6:32 am
ForeverYoung299 says...



oh my god! so beautifully crafted and well written! this was the article i was looking for. as of me, each and every word written here is a truth. in this "media age" we have started judging ourselves how the outside world judges us rather than how we ourselves judge us. this is the point you have highlighted there.taking a break from the media is really important. and if does not have a goal in life, that life is just a wastage(as of me). you could have included these. and you could include one more thing in that para only, i.e. do notrush behind your goal. rushing behind goals will not do. keep calm and stay focused. success will come. if you fiht with your goal, success is far. you have to control the state of mind.

overall, the inspiration you provided in the article is awesome. hopefully, this review will help you.




jellococo says...


Thank you for your feedback. I'm glad you found it helpful and I agree with your point about not rushing your goals and letting success come to you when it's time. I really appreciate the compliments!





glad that you liked my compliments



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65 Reviews


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Sat Feb 06, 2021 6:01 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



oh my god! so beautifully crafted and well written! this was the article i was looking for. as of me, each and every word written here is a truth. in this "media age" we have started judging ourselves how the outside world judges us rather than how we ourselves judge us. this is the point you have highlighted there.taking a break from the media is really important. and if does not have a goal in life, that life is just a wastage(as of me). you could have included these. and you could include one more thing in that para only, i.e. do notrush behind your goal. rushing behind goals will not do. keep calm and stay focused. success will come. if you fiht with your goal, success is far. you have to control the state of mind.

overall, the inspiration you provided in the article is awesome. hopefully, this review will help you.





All we can do is our best, and hope that it was enough.
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