It starts in the heart.
Chilled, it shivers, spreading
Along paths of liquid red.
Cold toungues rasp down, then up
The shoulders and the spine,
Body arching treacherously as
Age-old bones uncoil and
Taught muscles plead for liberation.
Pupils widen, then contract, as the
Windows to the soul shudder closed,
Abandoning hope and embracing the encroaching darkness.
Then it ends.
Right?
Shadows never stretch or loom,
or whisper softly certain doom.
Fires wouldn't die away-
Ashes wouldn't hiss nor play
Beneath the moon
In that alleyway
Over there.
Right?
Please comfort me,
Hold me tight,
It's out there now,
Outside the light.
I'm cold, so cold...
Did the darkness just grow bolder?
Silence blooms with heavy fruit,
Anticipation taking root
In soil bleached and parched with thirst.
Scattered breaths moan their curse.
Can't you feel it?
Don't be scared, you know I'm here.
I am your deepest, darkest fear.
Oh, don't frown, my child, dear!
When you need me
I'll be near.
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Canary word: Present
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128,598 Literary Works • 671,490 Reviews
Shadows never stretch or loom,
or whisper softly certain doom.
Fires wouldn't die away-
Ashes wouldn't hiss nor play
Beneath the moon
In that alleyway
Over there.
Right?
Please comfort me,
Hold me tight,
It's out there now,
Outside the light.
I'm cold, so cold...
Did the darkness just grow bolder?
Silence blooms with heavy fruit,
Anticipation taking root
In soil bleached and parched with thirst.
Scattered breaths moan their curse.
Can't you feel it?
This poem is already a very well-written poem, expressing your emotions quite well. I don't need to mention how jealous I am.
Shadows never stretch or loom,
or whisper softly certain doom.
And the rhyming is also very well-done, and is clever too! Seems to me, the darkness has a life of its own and which in my opinion, it does!
Well done! Amazing poem!
Great poem! I enjoyed it very much,I feel like it was writent to be read slowly,inorder to get mu comprihention of of it, I like the way you ask questions in the poem,wjich engages the reader and makes the poem much more intersting! Keep writing,and I thank you for sharing!
I appreciate the enthusiasm!
I'm going to have to say that my most favorite part was,
"Fires wouldn't die away-
Ashes wouldn't hiss nor play
Beneath the moon
In that alleyway
Over there.
Right?
Please comfort me,
Hold me tight,
It's out there now,
Outside the light."
I don't know why, but it's the one that caught my attention, and make me like it even more.
I think your rhyming was really good, and the thought that you put into this...it must've been a lot.
But another thing that I really like was your ending,
"Don't be scared, you know I'm here.
I am your deepest, darkest fear.
Oh, don't frown, my child, dear!
When you need me
I'll be near."
It just lures me in, and captures me.
I don't know.
I'm kind of rambling, because I can't find the right words for this.
Bottom line, it's amazing, I love it, and you've got a lot of talent.
Good job.
Really good job.
I'm thrilled you like it! I wasn't sure what to expect from this poem, but I'm glad it seems to have an impact.
I liked this poem. My favorite part was when I got to the middle and you began to rhyme.
Shadows do in fact stretch and loom, but I liked this anyway, and I was just picking on you as well ^^
When I read this, I though about that little voice in your head that likes to try and take you over, make you mad or drive you crazy.
When I read this, for some reason it made me think of the Mad Hatter taking off his Hat and bowing. Don't ask me why. Overall, I really liked your poem. It made me think of some old man sitting by the fire with a book in his hand, reading some kind of bed time story. Do you know what I mean?
I also wanted to point out that you must have quite the vocabulary as well as creativity.
I'm not good with analyzing poems like other people are, which is why I don't do much reviewing in the first place, but keep 'em comin'!!
I'm glad you like it! And I totally get what you mean by it having the whole "bedside" feel.