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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

a blanket of silence

by itsmejr


in the end

it was in the dark

they were most comfortable.

and in that darkness

a blanket of silence,

an old friend

they wrapped around themselves

and instantly felt

at ease.


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Mon Sep 23, 2019 10:40 pm
ImmaPerson321 wrote a review...



I think this was really nice to read.
I love how it was short but sweet, in a sense.
I could feel the tone really shining through and the way it was written was really nice, how you spaced things out and just how each line flowed into the next so nicely. I love it, I love it so much. I too enjoy the dark, and the imagery and metaphors you placed in was really nice, the way you had a blanket represent how the night feels was a great choice, I think. I don't think I would have ever made a connection between a blankets warmth and reassurance to the nights peace and comfort. I feel that this was a good way to show how the night is really soothing for some people, and I can relate to this poem pretty well. Well done, this was fantastic!


~Imma




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Sun Sep 22, 2019 1:02 pm
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promptlyby12 wrote a review...



Hello!
Let's start with my interpretation:
I interpret it as narrated by emotions, i.e. the emotions inside a person's head, that keep babbling about. One thing I think we all have experienced, is silence is sometimes the best thing you can hope for, and by that, I don't mean silence in reference to sound, I mean no 'buzzing' emotions in your head..just calmness. The person narrating(I'd rather say the emotions narrating) are experiencing 'darkness'. I have two interpretations for that: first, death (that's dark...) and second is that 'buzzing' bringing darkness. Finally, they are visited by silence..which makes me lean toward the death part of it, and are wrapped in its peaceful blanket, which finally puts them at rest. The poem is open to interpretation, so I'd give it a kudos, it very easily resonates with the reader.

Let's look at the structure:
I think the punctuation follows enjambment in some places. The rhythm flows naturally and resonates with the general emotion and theme. I feel removing the 'and' in line four and breaking the poem at this point would make it flow better rhythmically. Also, if line 2 was ''in the dark', it would, in my opinion, be more rhythmic. Other than enjambment(which I think is that key element that gives the rhythm that feel of sorrow and comfort), I do not see any other structural device to be explored.

Okay that said, I think this is a beautiful poem. I personally fancy short poems that have large implications like this, and you have done a great job writing one. Good job!
Have a great day/night!



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itsmejr says...


Thank you for reviewing my work! I really like your interpretation of it and I will definitely take your suggestions to heart. I like short poems as well, but I am in the process of rewriting this in to a longer poem. I hope you will review that one as well!



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Sun Sep 22, 2019 12:09 am
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Atticus wrote a review...



Hi there itsmejr! Tuck swinging by with another quick review

Overall, I liked the simplicity of this poem. It was short and used common vocabulary, which gave it a comfortable and simple feeling which fit quite well with your theme. You also had a very nice rhythm that was easy to follow, and I didn't feel as if it was rushed or slow. You struck a balance with that that is hard to find, so I want to congratulate you on that.

However, one way I think you could improve this poem is to change the way you punctuated. It seems as if you're just looking for a pause here, which you could achieve through a stanza division. I'm a big proponent of clearly defined and logical stanzas and lines, but some poets aren't, and that's okay too! It's definitely something to consider and you can come to your own decision on that.

I liked the idea of a blanket of silence because it shows both how encompassing the silence is and how familiar it is. It's a double whammy in that sense, but I do feel that it's a commonly used metaphor and your poem would benefit if you put your own twist on it to add some originality.

I hope this review and these suggestions were helpful to you, but if you have any questions for me, please let me know and I'd be happy to answer them! Enjoy the rest of your night!

Image

~Tuck




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Sat Sep 21, 2019 3:21 pm
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sasha_bumble_bee wrote a review...



Hey, mejr!

I LOVE this poem. It's so small, and yet it just perfectly encapsulates the feeling of being alone at night. You might want to add a "that" at the front of the first line, as I think it might make it flow better, but it's certainly not necessary. You could also add one to the other line that starts with "they," but, again, it isn't crucial at all.

I think, all in all, that this is a beautifully written poem that succinctly describes what you're trying to convey.

Best wishes,
Yorrick




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Sat Sep 21, 2019 2:21 am
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Clairia wrote a review...



Hello, there! I'm @Daughter, here for a quick review!
Let's jump right in.

I really liked this. It's sweet. It reminds me of those late nights in which sleep seems so near; and then it finally comes. The last few moments before a seemingly endless slumber; moments that you've illustrated so well.
Simplicity seems to be key for you, which I can always appreciate. There are vague hints of description, which help your piece along without forcing it overboard. Usually with a lack of imagery comes dull and static work, but you actually manage to pull this off without much at all.
In terms of critique, there isn't very much I think I can help you with (on account of the size of your piece), but I did spot a few techincal issues that I'd like to cover.

I noticed that you used "they" a few times. It's nice that you keep the identities of your protagonists a bit of a secret, but I was quite confused at first. It seemed like you made an grammatical error.
I'm aware that I said that I liked how you kept this piece simple, but sometimes it's a bit more of a resfresher to give your readers just a bit of understanding so they don't become lost. I myself found that I was asking questions that could have potentially not been issues--"Are they a couple? Are they friends? Family?" There was very little that helped me along in that department, and as I said before, closure is key. Make sure to review what you've written and do the best you can to help readers read your work in a light that they can understand.

Other than that, you've done a great job! I can't wait to see what you write next.

Cheers (and thanks for sharing!)
Arden




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Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:25 am
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ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Hello! I wanted to leave a review on this poem of yours! I have mixed feelings about this poem so let's just get right into it. I feel like this poem is a tad bit too short? The poem would work overall being short I feel like this could have been just a little bit longer, now since it is your first poem I will cut some slack as do the fact you will most likely improve over time. But that is my first criticism, my second one is that I feel like this poem could use a little bit more detail as describing the story slightly more and the sensory details. I feel like in that department it lacks quite a bit, why are the characters in the dark? How did it get to them in this situation? And if their friends how do they feel? I know the poem describes this but I really want to feel those small emotional details and the story since it left me more questions then answers. Overall this poem is a good start here but It could use improvement, not saying I didn't enjoy it or not like it, but it feels like a rough idea of a vague idea. Anyway welcome to YWS and enjoy writing! Can't wait to see what else you write! -Toxic Angler Fish



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itsmejr says...


the poem isn't really about people, its about a feeling, but appreciate your review and I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind!



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Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:06 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey @itsmejr welcome to Young Writers Society! It's great that you're already posting poetry, I hope to see more of your poems around the site. Let's get to the review!

I interpret this poem to be about a couple that finds comfort in just resting in the silence of the night - not a lot of plot or narrative there, but it does create an interesting mood and perhaps would peak reader's interest to imagine how they may have similar feelings towards the night.

I like the simplicity of this piece and the metaphor of silence being a blanket is a good one - I'm wondering if it could be extended a bit more to really paint an image.

I'm not really a fan of how you punctuated the piece, since it didn't seem to be with much purpose, and disrupted a poem that otherwise had fairly good flow.

This line break especially didn't seem to make sense , "they were most comfortable. / and in that darkness". -- I would take out "and" or take our the period.

I think that the word choice could also be a bit more vivid, as this poem was really quite simple.

Overall this poem leaves me with more questions than answers, especially the way it begins with "in the end"... but I did enjoy reading it - I think with some expansions it could be a bit more striking.

Happy editing!

- alliyah



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itsmejr says...


@alliyah thank you for reviewing my piece! I appreciate the time you put into it and I will definitely take your suggestions seriously. To be honest I wasn't really sure about the punctuation either. I wanted it to pause, but I haven't really written poetry before so I don't really know how




What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant?
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice