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16+ Language Mature Content

Mad Never Crazy - Short story

by itsCate


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

ONE: 

Who are you

When Alyson woke up she wasn’t at the party.

For all she knew she was in a, twisted, upside down, crazy, strange world. She looked around to see if anyone was around. Her body shook from the adrenaline of the fall that she had just taken. Alyson stood up but quickly fell over, the world around her seemed to be spinning. Her head hurt. She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to go home, a safe place.

She began to cry, hot tears streamed down her face. Eventually her body started to shake harder, only to make her headache worse. She missed her Mother, and Father, her little brother and family dog. She missed her warm bed and bright blue sky, with the clouds painted onto the clearness of the blue.

Here in the crazy place the sky was a dark purple, with tints of red. The clouds were a gray color, and shaped in different ways. Nothing like she had ever seen. There were mushrooms all around her all different colors. Along with paths leading into different places, Alyson held her knees close to her chest and started to hum. She hummed a song that she was making up in her head. When she heard a low voice.

“What is that tune you are humming?” Alyson quickly jumped to her feet, her heart was racing. No one was there, no one was around here. She decided in her head to answer anyway. “I don’t know. I was making it up as I went along.”

The voice chuckled, “I quite liked it. Very beautiful, just like you. I don’t recall seeing you around these parts.” When the voice spoke it had a strange echo to it. Alyson looked around not sure if the voice had a body to go with it. “I am not from here,” she started. “I fell down the rabbit hole and I don’t know how to get home.”

“Hmm...The rabbit hole.” The voice sounded suspicious, it wasn’t settling at all. Alyson froze, “Where are you? I can hear you but cannot see you.”

“I am here.” When Alyson turned a tall, yet stunning man stood before her. He looked only a little older than her, 18, maybe. His tall lean body hovered over her, his hair was a dark black, almost purple. His eyes were a sapphire color and his lips as pale as his skin. Across his nose were purple flecks like freckles, but they didn’t look weird. On his temple was a glitter color that made his face glow, his jaw was sharp but not overwhelming. He wore a black top hat with a red ribbon around the bottom. He grinned at her, his teeth perfectly lined.

“Who. Are. You?” He asked looking Alyson over. She trembled as the large body looked over her, he was unusually tall, was he human?

“I am Alyson Smith, and you are?”

Another low chuckle. “I am your wildest dream, the stretch of your imagination, the wonder in every kids thought.” He bowed low. “I am Phoenix Black.”

He took Alyson’s hands, and in her mind she could hear him, follow me, he said. When his body turned, he looked at her and his eyes went from purple to a dark green.

“I am also known at the Hatter around here. People say I am a little mad.” His grin made Alyson feel warm inside, she smiled and followed him, forgetting her fall down the hole.


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431 Reviews


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Fri Apr 19, 2019 5:18 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Hey Cate!

Hope you’re having a good day today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you are on. Anyways, I’m here to give you a review, as you may have already guessed. :smt003

Okay, so, first, please allow me to say: Oo-la-la! This sounds wonderlandiful! Get it, wonderlandiful? Oh, whatever! My jokes are lame. This is great! I’m hoping to see that you’re going to make this your own version of the Disney movie. Because I’d love to see how you would’ve made the movie. And, the amazing thing is that you did not have any (according to me) spelling, grammatical, or punctuation mistakes! So great job with that. But there was this one thing that I caught and won’t let it slip: :D

She hummed a song that she was making up in her head. When she heard a low voice.


Okay, so if you look here, you’ve got a good two sentences, but the thing is, you wrote: ‘…she was making it up in her head. When she heard…’. Don’t you think it’d be better if you somehow wrote: ‘…she was making it up in her head. Then she heard…’. Tell me what you think. That’s it for today! ;)

And as always…

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

:elephant:




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Thu Apr 18, 2019 5:04 am
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FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

I love how this story is written! It has a very mysterious feel to it... I'm wondering a lot of things about this "Phoenix Black". I think it especially gives me chills when reading that this is what all children imagine.... and those last lines... creepy.

Anyway, I think you had a lot of great imagery and suspense. Each sentence kept me hooked until the end. The only thing I would look at is the last two lines of the fourth paragraph.

"She hummed a song that she was making up in her head. When she heard a low voice."

I would recommend replacing the period with a comma to combine the two sentences. The second sentence is a fragment.

That's all I found... other than that, this was super well-written. I hope there's a second edition to this... it sort of ends on a cliffhanger! Also, one other thing I noticed... all the text is italicized! Could this mean it's a memory? I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing :)




itsCate says...


I love this review. Thank you.
So...if I am being honest I didn't know how the next chapter would go. Now I do know, so thanks for that. Lol!



FabihaNeera says...


Np :D



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Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:38 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



I enjoyed this story. I didn't realize that it was a parody of Alice and the Wonderland at first. But once I did, I truly appreciated the way you told this story.
A few things I'd like to point out. I thought it was a little weird that he actually talked to her at first, but then spoke to her with his mind. I think it might've been better if he just continued talking, but that might just be me.
Also, Whenever a new person talks, separate the dialogue, so it's easier to tell who is talking.
Finally, I know it's a title, and this isn't a big deal, in the title, there should be a coma, I think.


Overall, great story! Can't wait to see more! :D




itsCate says...


Thank you for the review, I like you're ideas, but the reason I had him talk in Alyson's mind was because he was showing her the beginning of his power. Thank you though, I will go back and make that way more clear.
~CATE~



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Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:04 am
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Tawsif wrote a review...



I liked the beginning of the story. You pictured the whole thing of being lost in a resonant way.

Here go some comments:

I searched the internet for the phrase 'for all sb knows', and the meaning I found was: 'said to show that something is not important to someone'. So how can being in a twisted, upside down, crazy, strange world be something unimportant to Alyson? I couldn't figure that out.

'She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to go home, a safe place.'

I'll prefer placing a full stop after "here" and make them two different sentences.

'When she heard a low voice.

“What is that tune you are humming?” Alyson quickly jumped to her feet, her heart was racing.'

Here you could use a little more suspense, as follows:

“What is that tune you are humming?” said a low voice. Alyson quickly jumped to her feet, her heart was racing.

'He took Alyson’s hands, and in her mind she could hear him, follow me, he said.'

Instead, use this:

He took Alyson’s hands, and in her mind, she could hear him say 'follow me'.

I loved the way you mention colours, but you could still make some variations. Like in one place, you wrote: 'Here in the crazy place the sky was a dark purple, with tints of red. The clouds were a gray color.' So in the next parts, you can use a different style to describe colours, like instead of 'his hair was a dark black, almost purple. His eyes were a sapphire color', you can write 'his hair was dark black, almost purple, in colour. His eyes had a sapphire hue'.

I liked the way you narrated the speech of Phoenix Bird in this part: "Who. Are. You?" It was exceptional.

I'd have liked a little more information about the 'Phoenix Bird' guy. He sort of just took Alyson away. But where and why? Is he a spirit or something? If he is, then you should add a more dramatic description of him, so that it grabs more attention.

It was a good story for me. Keep writing.




itsCate says...


I can understand where you are coming from. But to me Alyson was supposed to not want to be there. But when the Hatter came around he changed that. For humans people from wonderland a poison, and Hatter is doing it on purpose. I understand that though. Anyway I will go in and fix what needs to be fixed. I thank you for your feedback!

~CATE~



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Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:26 am
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Blairwood wrote a review...



“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs




itsCate says...


I love this, thank you!




"You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein