Why are we letting the said and unsaid literature of the souls die each second the ink stains the paper or wisps of air push against the keys, it’s inconsiderate of the future of the robots we’re creating, leaving them without knowledge beyond that insufferable full stop that jeopardises our sanity to express every feeling we hold and are yet to discover, and it's strange that no one questions this barrier and just fall to their knees to praise the door to the unknown and ignorantly hold the golden key in their hands, but no more can I just sit there a fool and be blind to the world beyond that dot, I am aware but alas I’m still human so I release the key and worship the door.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,893 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
Ah, poetry. I'm getting better with it.
The idea behind this is quite creative, I admit. The breathlessness mirrors the narrator's desperation to interrogate expression itself: the "said and unsaid literature of the souls," the tyranny of punctuation, the paradox of human awareness colliding with human limitation, the exhaustion of it all. It is ambitious. It wants to be profound. It tries very hard to be profound. Occasionally, it is.
The poem’s central conceit that every act of writing is both creation and destruction is strong. There is something compelling in the idea that robots, or future intelligences, artificial or derivative, inherit only the fossils of human expression. That concept deserves exploration, certainly. Instead, it is rushed past in the same breath as about human blindness, the worship of the unknown, and the self-cancellation of awareness... That is fitting thematically, but it is disappointing in the context of the work itself because of the little substance.
Still, the poem holds an interesting tension; the narrator resents the barrier, resents humanity’s blind obedience to it, understands there is something beyond it, yet succumbs anyway, admitting to "worshipping" the door. This last line is the poem’s strongest moment. It contains the emotional surrender the rest of the poem gestures towards but never fully articulates. Were the entire piece shaped around this conflict, awareness versus capitulation, it could have been more powerful...
Why punctuation? What does that structure mean in grammar and the cultures that we create grammar from?
I'm not too familiar with poetry but this is certainly interesting. The topic is well implied without being too on the nose. The ending particularly the line "I am aware but alas I'm still human" is good as well. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not but there are no periods which makes the whole thing something of a run on sentence. It's not too distracting but it can make some parts a little bit awkward to read. Overall, it's pretty good with a good concept and some nicely written lines.
I appreciate your comment a lot! Some parts are intended to feel awkward to show how we cannot live or move past the period since its a part of our everyday literature and we aren't used to things outside the norm (hope that makes sense).
Very interesting topic, a good a bit too in depth view into “full stops”, somehow the worst part is them not being called periods lol. Hoping for more like this.
Final rating. JABUNGA .