I am sorry
And I've always been
For one thing or the other
I’m born into a world where I am constantly reminded
That I should be sorry and that I should not have it any other way
I am sorry because even though some people hate me
I do not hate them back
I am sorry because I feel only love can drive out hatred
I am sorry because no matter how hard I try to be the ideal child
They still find a speck of dust in the vast ocean that is my demeanor
I am sorry because no matter how much generous a human being I try to be
People don’t cease to zoom into the flaws
But despite of that I continue to believe in myself when no one else believes in me
And trust me, I am sorry for that
The people who abandon me and choose to leave
Are like scars on my soul
With every second scar my skin grows rough and ugly
But this time if you choose to be one of those scars
I will still care and love, like always
And I am sorry for that
I love, and therefore I am
What is the essence of our transient being if we don’t feel the need to love?
I am sorry I theorize that we’re all broken into pieces and that only love can join us back
People continue to forego my love, but still I continue to love, and fiercely so,
With the sum of all my broken pieces
I’m really sorry I do
I have dreams. Indestructible dreams that won’t let me sleep.
Oh, but I’m not sorry this time. Why?
Because when in the day I allow the world to slave me and my thoughts,
I wait for the dark. That is when my dreams breathe life into my scarred soul.
That is when I, and only I, have the key to my conviction.
That is when I can unapologetically hope for a better world
And I will not let you snatch away my hope and crumble my dreams
Even if I belong to this world, my dreams solely belong to me.
And mind you, I will never be sorry for that.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
126,847 Literary Works • 672,941 Reviews
Hello ishitadutt. Here for a review as requested...sorry it took so long. I really thought this poem was beautiful. You tell the reader how you're sorry for the way you view and feel things and at the end you kind of slap the reader in the face with a nice ending.
"And I will not let you snatch away my hope and crumble my dreams
Even if I belong to this world, my dreams solely belong to me.
And mind you, I will never be sorry for that."
So beautiful! I cant explain why but this was just amazing. I really don't know how to help you with this type of poem because I write ones that rhyme but this was fabulous. I wish to read more of your wonderful masterpieces. Keep writing!
~\/\/onder
Hey, thanks a lot!
And that slap in the face message for those judgemental people who like to bring others down, and not my readers in general
Hey.
Okay so I found one technical glitch, I am sorry because no matter how much generous a human being I try to be" just omit the "much" here.
Secondly, I liked the idea, I mean, it's something we can all relate to, basically being judged and suppressed is the thing that we all go through. Then I found some lines where the flow just went a bit off, like you need to make a link to previous and next lines every time, if you were planning on writing a completely off note poem then maybe you should've done it all throughout.
I liked the way you expressed it
Good job on getting featured.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Hey Reet, thanks a lot for the review and appreciation. And yeah thanks for pointing out that glitch, I'm disappointed I never noticed it myself. And once I get all the reviews, I'll include all these inputs in my final edit. Again, thank you
Hi there, ishitadutt!
Introduction:
This is great. Really! Your use of repetition makes your writing alluring, you include some excellent phrases, and you have a nice structure. Because of this, in this review I'll just be going through a couple nitpicks and/or general advice for you as a poet.
Formatting and Punctuation:
Your line breaks are fairly consistent, but one small problem I have is that the first three lines,
...while beautiful, are shorter than the rest of the poem. This is fine--just a small aesthetic aspect that you may or may not want to adjust.
Flow and Phrasing:
Here's a nitpick:
This is a really strong beginning. However, (although I'm sure the phrase works both ways), I think this context requires a slight adjustment of the third line from "For one thing or the other" to "For one thing or another".
Also, there are a few awkward/out of context phrases. But, with writing at your level, I'm sure they're just typos.
"I'm really sorry I do" doesn't make sense here. Anyway, I'd suggest reading through your poem aloud once, just to make sure that you catch these instances. You're a really gifted writer--there aren't many!
Vocabulary:
Okay. As anyone who's gotten my reviews knows, I recommend this to almost all poets, particularly those as brilliant as yourself.
One place where you could use this would be:
Substitute "broken" for something!
Grammar:
The relationship between poetry and grammar is subjective. If you feel that it's important to you, I encourage you to look for missed punctuation in your poem--there are a few instances where your writing could be slightly clearer with the addition of a comma, etc. If you feel that that's not important to you, that's fine, too! I'll support your awesome writing either way.
Style:
Really, you have such an intuitive and unique way with words. I really can't give any more advice to you except for this: keep writing and posting. It'll pay off, especially with your talent! *Also, I really just want to read more of your stuff.
I can't wait to see more!
IronSpark
Hey IronSpark. Thanks for your brilliant review. It was actually very useful and I wanted someone to review my poem like this so that I could improve. The next time I'll keep in mind all the tips you've given me. Thanks a lot. And can you please review my short story 'As Darkness Reigned' ? I want to improve it before posting it on my official blog. This way you'll get to read more of my stuff as you've desired
I'd love to! My review will probably be up by tomorrow.
Thanks a lot!
I am amazed by your poem"I am sorry".It is an ironic poem.The poem has got mouth to speak and express out everything so nicely and sweetly.It was a different poem with a very different theme.The plot and the idea is very beautiful.The poem expresses its feelings very greatly.
I must say this a small poem written greatly.It has a whole lot of in-depth meaning.Just after I read the poem, I stopped for a moment and I felt very emotional.
Good Job, ishitadutt!
I am deeply influenced by your writing skill.
I want more short and sweet poems like this one.I get pleasure by reading your poems.
:~Eros
That was so sweet. Thanks a lot for the motivation. If you want to read more poems by me, you can visit my blog www.ish-tyle.blogspot.com