Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! So, lets get started.
So, reading this, I like it. Some of the things I can relate to, which isn't good but hey, the mind is hard to control, isn't it? On a different note, I like how you organized the story, as well as how you explained it. Although, at first I did have some trouble with telling wether or not it was the boys mind telling him those thoughts or not. It was the boys mind telling him those thoughts though, right?
Anyways, the topic you covered in this writing are pretty important and it's nice to see someone write about them, even if the ending of the story is leaving you hanging on what happened. You covered possible suicide, the fact that sometimes family's really just don't care and some don't realize that they are the ones that brought us into that state. You covered the fact that people with depression can hurt themselves physically and mentally. People with it, with depression, don't need a reason to be that way. Little things can cause it to happen, like one simple phrase or some small action. This emotion happening is not something to ignore and it needs to be payed more attention to, it side affects. It's like a thief, really. A good one that leaves hardly a single piece of evidence. They come quietly, taking things slowly and surely until everything is gone and we don't know what to do. They leave us empty and numb.
I did notice grammar mistakes but other reviewers most defiantly have that area covered. So, no need there. No spelling was noticed by me either. Besides that, I liked your story so keep up the good work irsyad23!

Hey, irsyad23, it's your favourite Thunderclan medicine cat coming at you with a prophecy from Starclan (just kidding, I've got a review).
Last year, I hated my body so much that I would skip meals. It never got really bad but it could have. I evan had a few thoughts of suicide. It wasn't a good time for me.
Anyway, grammar and punctuation first.
"I heard that so many times," this should probably be "I've heard that", just so it flows nicer.
Instead of this "Damn, so must enjoy it so much, huh." it should be like this "Damn, you must have enjoyed it so much, huh?"
"Remember when you almost overdose on fat burning pills?" overdose should have been overdosed. Small mistake, though, don't worry over it.
And I think this bit here "Lol that was so funny?" was supposed to be either "Lol that was so funny!" or "Lol, wasn't that so funny?".
"You think your tears can erase everything away? You think your endless cry can erase the pain? You’re nothing but a weak and a useless human being. You have no friends, no achievements, no life, no supports, and no love. You’re nothing." I swear if someone said this to me...blood everywhere.
At the end, does the main character realize that the rude voice was just his head?
Anyway, great story. One more question, are you okay? If you need to talk there are people willing to listen, even me. Anywho, good story, keep writing!

Hello, Irsyad23! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside...

First of all: **FLIPS TABLE** OH MY GOD I RELATE TO THIS STORY SO MUCH AHHHH HOLY FLIP I hate myself after the bullies and now I get these kinds of times where I would just... you know... do THAT to myself.

STOP! Grammar time!

Cause nobody even care if you die.

Damn, so must enjoy it so much, huh.

Lol that was so funny?

Suggestions:

Wait. What is this?!

Confusing things:

Other comments, reactions, and fangirling:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

Let me just start this by saying this is wonderfully written! I especially love the use of bold like what ashpandas said.

This was pretty dark but it was amazing. I can actually kinda relate to this but even if I didn't it makes such an impact to read. There are only some issues with grammar but, that's okay. It can easily be fixed. As for word choice, it's fine really. Although you can switch or remove some words like what the reviewer below me said. But, don't worry. It's not ruining anything from this story. I also love the descriptions. It's like I am actually there seeing this happen to that poor guy. Keep up the good work with all those details. Maybe add a bit more too if you want. But, not too over detailed.

Anyways, keep up the good work! I hope to see more of your work and good luck on all your future writings!!

Holy crap... This was dark and sad and good and man... I feel this on a huge personal level. I feel like beginning to end it really ties together. I just have a few notes.


"How do you look in the mirror and not feel sad just by looking at yourself?"
Add a , after mirror or Maybe "How can you look in the mirror and not feel sad?" I don't think you need to add the rest they're looking in the mirror obious it will be at themselves.

"We all know you’re ugly but you can do so much better if you improve your looks." Add a , after ugly

" I mean I just said that earlier to make you feel like you have hope, but truthfully like I said before, even your personality is boring and annoying."
Maybe take out "I mean" I feel like the wording is strange here maybe say "I just said that ealier to give you false hope." And I would personally take out "but truthfully like I said before, even your personality is boring and annoying." I feel like it messes with the flow.

"And you’re selfish and act like you did nothing wrong?"
Take out and also put a , after "selfish" (Why did you put a question mark?)

"that’s why nobody wants to be friend with you, loser!"
Maybe "That's why nobody wants to be your friend." instead

" People hate you enough for your looks but if you’re kinder, maybe people will give you a chance, idiot. But I guess it’s too late now.
Put a period after looks. Take out "but" Maybe change "will" to "would"

" Cause nobody even care if you die."
Maybe "Cause nobody would care if you die"

"Basically you don’t have a future anymore here. Just leave"
Maybe take out "here"

"No. In fact, I’m going to make your life so miserable, you’ll never want to live anymore. Oh, remember when your uncle molested you? Damn, so must enjoy it so much, huh. You were just a little kid, but I guess that’s what you get for being the disgusting person that you are." I just want to say my heart broke a little. I really hope this isn't true. *wipes tears*

"Remember when you almost overdose on fat burning pills?"
Overdosed*

Ok now to wrap this up.. I really hope you're ok fam. This was good and The only thing is some flow issues and maybe a couple grammar problems. Other than that you're golden. Oh and I really like that you bolded the other persons lines. It makes it clear who is saying what. Anyways keep being you and if you need anyone to talk to I'm here Good luck and I hope to see more from you