Outcasts - Prologue

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I grasp the spear limply in my left hand, slightly bending my knees to keep myself balanced. I feel a bead of sweat trace its way from my right temple down to my chin. Every part of my being is screaming in agony, and no matter how hard I try my legs refuse to move. I silently curse the man sitting in the front row, his face unreadable as he stares at the boy lying face down in the dirt opposite me. The crowd begins to get restless as I glance around the oval arena. My attention focuses back on the boy and I raise the spear into a position from which I can throw it. I utter a silent prayer for the child’s soul before I launch it with all the energy I can muster – watching it go through his back and puncture his heart. I collapse onto my knees as the crowd releases an almighty cheer and it’s all I can do not to vomit. I feel a tear run down my cheek before the darkness consumes me.

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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review · Fri Sep 10, 2021 7:55 am

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I grasp the spear limply in my left hand, slightly bending my knees to keep myself balanced. I feel a bead of sweat trace its way from my right temple down to my chin. Every part of my being is screaming in agony, and no matter how hard I try my legs refuse to move. I silently curse the man sitting in the front row, his face unreadable as he stares at the boy lying face down in the dirt opposite me. The crowd begins to get restless as I glance around the oval arena. My attention focuses back on the boy and I raise the spear into a position from which I can throw it. I utter a silent prayer for the child’s soul before I launch it with all the energy I can muster – watching it go through his back and puncture his heart. I collapse onto my knees as the crowd releases an almighty cheer and it’s all I can do not to vomit. I feel a tear run down my cheek before the darkness consumes me.


Oh wow, that appears to be a properly barbaric world right there, if I'm not mistaken, it appears as if we've got a situation where this person that's the protagonist here is being forced to fight to the death with someone else in some sort of arena situation here and whoever is controlling this whole thing is potentially the man that was acknowledged as sitting in the front row there.

You can very clearly see how much the person that ends up throwing that final spear is struggling with themselves to do it. You've painted a very powerful picture of a person being forced to kill against their own will for what I can only assume is their own survival there. Its truly a very haunting prospect here to have this early in a story.

Overall, you've created a very powerful scene here that really taps into the reader's emotions with how much clear pain this person experiences not just from their injuries but by what they're being forced to do here. This makes for a truly powerful prologue here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry



Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore