Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okay...so this was actually a pretty good first chapter, I think you managed to hit on most of the sort of things that you expect to see in a first chapter and it was a pretty interesting start here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Athena!” I could faintly hear someone calling my name, but I ignored them and continued down the deserted corridor, the sound of my boots ringing against the concrete floor.
“Athena, wait!” It was closer this time, and I quickened my pace. Up ahead I could faintly trace the outline of a door and gave a sigh of relief. The sound of racing footsteps stopped me in my tracks, and I turned back to see who it was.
Okay...well this is an intriguing start here. We've got someone that's looking for the main character and it does look like perhaps there is some potential sense of danger, at least right at the beginning there is definitely some danger before things then get released in a bit of well...sigh of relief...so, its an interesting start here.
“Dion?” The tone of surprise in my voice was undeniable as I looked at the boy standing opposite me. His bright green eyes pierced through the darkness, and I could see a scowl forming on his beautifully sculptured face. Anger didn’t suit him. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
His features softened slightly as he took another step towards me. “I’m stopping you from doing something that you’ll regret,” he replied as the scowl was replaced by a small smile.
“What I’ll regret is none of your concern,” I replied flatly. I turned on my heel and began walking back towards the door, hoping he would drop the subject. “Athena!” He called, not moving. “You think that I don’t want her back?” He yelled. “You think that I don’t care? There are other ways to do this!” His voice was pleading now, but I didn’t slow down.
Okay...well, for a second I thought maybe this was going to be something of a happy reunion taking place here and then things just went completely haywire there with accusations being tossed about and well you can clearly say perhaps at one point these two were friends or at least acquaintances and some horrible thing on the part of the boy has now made them quite mad at each other.
He was at my side and had a hold of my arm before I even heard his footsteps. Instinct took over, and my right arm automatically swiped up at his, making him lose grip. Before he had a chance to react I twisted his arm and pushed it towards him with all my strength. As his elbow bent I seized the opportunity and lifted his arm above and around his head until it rested on his lower back.
It had taken less than one second, and his face was now pressed against the cold steel walls of the corridor. “Don’t try to stop me,” I whispered into his ear.
As always, I underestimated his abilities. He kicked back with his leg and knocked me off balance. I would have fell, had he not swung around and caught me with his left arm on the way down. He pushed me into the wall on the opposite side of corridor, whilst at the same time drawing his knife.
Okay...well, things breaking into a bit of a physical confrontation there I see. Well, things are certainly escalating quickly with weapons also starting to come into the mix. I really like where this is going towards here, it makes for a pretty exciting moment right here.
He pinned me against the wall, his knife pressing into the skin of my neck. His face was only centimetres from mine. His breath was warm and smelt of alcohol and honey, it was both intoxicating and repulsive at the same time. “Let us not forget who is stronger,” he said as his eyes wander down to my lips.
His grip slowly loosens but he doesn’t entirely let go of me. We stare at each other for several seconds, neither one of us saying anything. Eventually I let my eyes drop, and pull my arm free of his grip, effectively ruining whatever moment we had just shared.
“I will find her,” is all I say as I turn back down the corridor heading for my room.
Well that was a slightly odd ending. I couldn't tell if that was completely hostile there towards the end with that or whether there was something else like friendship in that moment there. It was certainly a nice bit of intensity there to finish this first chapter off, and in the end it makes for nice cliffhanger.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think this is a pretty strong start here. Its got enough excitement to really get a reader interested and there's enough of a hook with the mystery going on there to get us to want to find out more.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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