Young Writers Society

Great choice choosing the perspective of ants. It's really drives home the ideal of the grand scheme of things. By putting these little creatures, the bottom of the food chain i in such a major environment like a battlefield it really broadens your horizons. A stark contrast in size and literal nature helps to really emphasize whatever two things you may be comparing. I've found that hyperbole and exaggeration, as simple as they may be, are actually quite effective In driving home a point. So remember, if you want to compare two things using a little symbolism, don't be afraid to go all out.

Dang, I really like this poem! I have a soft-spot for bug poetry because they're already so filled with imagery opportunities and can be readily used for symbolism.

I enjoyed how you broke up the lines, it'd be interesting if you could have formatted this into an ant-hill as a side-note. But I like the way you broke mid-phrase to keep us reading.

The opening two sentences are perfect because they create a contradiction and conflict "our mother is angry" but "she calls us home" - I have to read further to resolve that!

I like that you were free and whimsical with the ant imagery - like with the "windows" and "bunkers" this made it a lot more interesting and unique than just describing straight-up anthills.

You've just got such great imagery throughout - I especially love "Our bellies are filled with teeth and claws".


I interpreted this poem to be a commentary on war - mostly from the violent imagery being used and the looting at the end. Our mother is our leader or our nation - and the "call home" and descriptions of the home/ant-hill were allusions to patriotism. The poem shows how ants, just like us, are motivated by really simple things - hunger, territorialism, patriotism, or just violence to wage war. Comparing humans to ants also shows the lack of humanity in it. For someone in the U.S. hoping we don't accidentally get into WWIII here, I think reflections on the simplicity and terror of war are very timely, not sure if that's completely what you were going for, but I found it a very interesting piece!

One of my favorite poems I've read today! I'll definitely be looking for you work in the future!

-alliyah

I love this poem , it sends a Robinhood message, a vicious one at that.

The last line in is very realistic, or full of realism? However I phrase it I'm sure you get it. Your metaphor is greatly effective. I like the punctuation and the structure of it is refreshing. I like looking at the poetry like I'm reading a paragraph out of someones life. It is nice. I usually use stanza's (or try). This poem could be read and understood for what it is in any timeline. The imbalance of wealth and poverty and the revenge of those who've suffered. It is rich with raw emotion. It thunders forth like a thief glides from the shadows, with a practiced liquidity.

Keep writing!

This is Gemini Signing out.

I'll climb back into my Jewelrybox until the next review.

#eattherich

I love this poem and I love the underlying message. I think the metaphor of hungry ants works very well and the imagery you use is powerful --

"We are hungry and must eat"
"We have hungered long and tomorrow we feast"
"We, the ants, outstretch our arms and catch droplets of dust and decay on our tongues"

This last line in particular is very powerful to me -- it makes the unfortunate yet painfully real statement that the average members of society are left to survive off of the remnants or leftovers of the upper class, while the rich enjoy their "coins" and "fat red apples".

Your metaphor is incredibly powerful and I genuinely think that this very effectively embodies the societal imbalance that exists today.

Structurally, I like the fact that you used punctuation and you opted for enjambment rather than breaking things up into neat little stanzas as is oftentimes the case with poetry (including my own).

I'd love to see more of your writing.. especially if it's as charged and powerful as this piece!

Hi Interstella!


First of all, welcome back to YWS!

I loved the poem. I felt this sense of revolution throughout.


the soil to rest. Outside the window, we watch

trees tumble down, salty banks spill over, and skies

cloud thick with ash. We, the ants, outstretch our arms

and catch droplets of dust and decay on our tongues. Blood

dribbles down our chins. They construct bunkers to protect from


I could feel the atmosphere; the dark and gritty mood that these verses establish. The words you chose were very effective at rendering vivid imageries. It was also fun to read.


They clutch coins to their chests and hiss like bushels of

snakes. We are hungry and must eat. With snapping jaws, we pry

at the doors of their lair. Our bellies are filled with teeth and claws.


Like.. really fun to read. I just went back to re-read it a couple time. I wonder if it's really meant to represent the world from the POV of ants, or if it's representative of a different kind of struggle. Regardless, the poem is full of energy and that theme of revolution is felt throughout. It was interesting the way you structured it too.

I don't tend to get objective with poetries. So, that's it for the review. Your style of poetry is interesting and I'd love to read more.

Excelsior!

~MAS