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Dear mum........

by insane

I’m in pain mum, more than you would imagine. It’s like my whole heart is being ripped apart and all I can do I watch. And no one is here .No one is here to tell me it’s going to be alright, so it isn’t. I know it`s going to happen, and it’s what a crave, but im still desperately clinging onto the little bits of hope that remain here. Here in this place of pain and neglect, where you can succeed only to be turned down by others who have infinitely more than you and infinitely less? Controlled by people who know little about you and yet decide everything you do. And that’s when we fight. We fight. And we watch as we take innocent lives. Friends turned to murders. People that would never hurt a fly mum, you should see them now. You’d be so disappointed. Disappointed in me mum, because I’m not who I used to be and I`m not who I want to be. You watched me grow up, you kept me safe, and warm, and fed and if you saw me now you`d wished you hadn`t .Because I`m alone and I`m dying and the only person who cares is the person who`ll have to scrape my body off the ground. Because it`s an inconvenience to them; that’s what we are when we die. I was told I was going to be a hero, going to be remembered, be the superhero I always wanted to be. But I`ll join you mum, alone and frightened, and you will cry. Because your son is a monster.

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Points: 1075
Reviews: 25

Thu Jan 19, 2017 6:27 pm
Anniepoo103 wrote a review...

Hi man, I'm just here to talk about the vibes that this piece gave me.

I really enjoyed this work, I was very surprised by the way it ended. When I started reading, I thought that this was going to be some child trying to express their emotions to their parent. Your words are more than powerful. I think the line that spoke to me the most was "Friends turned into murders" This may be one of the most simple things you said but, it has proven itself true in many different stages of life for very many people. Honestly, I feel like this belongs in a dramatic book of fiction. That would be cool. Anyways, I really like the way you wrote this piece> You didn't waste a single word. They all tied together and made a lot of sense. They say that you have to read good writing to know what it is and I am sure that you must read a lot because this is beautiful.
<3 have a wonderful day insane

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insane says...

Thank you so much xx
have a lovely day too xx

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44 Reviews

Points: 51
Reviews: 44

Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:42 pm
ofmonstersandmen1234 wrote a review...

Hello, I'm ofmonstersandmen1234 or Sandman. Hope you're having a good evening.
Overall this is a really dramatic piece of work. I really liked the way you made me think at first it was about an orphan's suicide and then you realise that is not really a suicide not. I think that this is really great writing and I really loved the ending. I could only find a couple of mistakes but I think those are most likely because you were typing so fast that the computer couldn't keep up. "...And no one is here .No..." Should be "...And no one is here. No..."
That's really it. I love this piece. Keep up the good work and don't forget to be yourself.

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insane says...

Thank you !!!!!!!!

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12 Reviews

Points: 724
Reviews: 12

Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:40 pm
reneehope wrote a review...

This feels like a rant. I feel like it should be in the middle of a novel when the anti-hero is writing a letter only to throw it into the flames. There was quite a few punctuation errors, and I'm sure some other grammatical nonsense that some other reviewer will pick out.
But let's talk about your words.
They're so powerful. With minimal editing, you could take this rant and turn it into the most beautiful pieces of writing I've seen in a very long time. How do I know this? Because you use sentences like:
"Because I'm alone and I'm dying and the only person who cares is the person who'll have to scrape my body off the ground." WOW. That is some powerful stuff. You have such a talent.
I want to know about this human. Who is this son turned monster?
If this is raw and right off the brain like I think it is, you are so so so fantastic. And even if this isn't, you are so so so fantastic.
Keep writing :)

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insane says...

ahhhhhh thank you xx

You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind