The Prophet

by imaginfantasy

Published May 19, 2014

16+ Mature Content

In Prophet

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

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The stench of smoke and death arises from the burning city of Troy. The screams and cries of the citizens bring agony and loss to my heart. I realize that this will be the end of Troy, possibly the end for me too, if I continue with my plan to risk my life for those of my people.I run through the palace hallways and hear banging on the palace door. They are making their way into the heart of the city. It’s only a matter of minutes until they break down the door and slaughter everyone in their path. I make my way to my chambers, praying Radin has read my letter and is waiting for me there. I don’t know what I would do if he wasn't sitting on my bed, holding my precious Isabella. My darling daughter, I pray to the Gods for your protection. I couldn't live with the thought of you in someone else’s hands other than Radin’s.

My chambers come into view and my heart almost explodes from my chest when I see Radin holding Isabella in his arms. I silently thank the Gods they are safe. I make my way to Isabella and take her into my arms. I gaze in her beautiful oval shaped blue eyes, and run my fingers through her short, silky red hair, and place a soft kiss on her smooth forehead. I look up at Radin and start to cry, because I know that I will be leaving them both, the two beautiful human beings that I love with all my heart.

Radin takes me into his arms and softly whispers in my ear “We will be okay, just know that I love you and I will die protecting your daughter” and kisses me with all the love in the world. He pulls away and looks deep in my eyes, and in that one look I know what I’m going to do is the right thing.

I put a soft kiss on my beautiful daughters head, and place her in Ra-din’s arms. I walk around the room, putting Isabella’s clothes and blanket in a bag, which I hastily hand to Radin. I rush to my bed, reach down and pull out the chest that contains my last gift to Isabella. I found it on the streets of Troy one night. It glowed with a white light and is smooth as marble.

I take my present out of the chest and put it in a small bag. I carry it over to Radin and place it in his hand.

“Promise me you will give this to her when she is old enough to know of her lineage. And protect her and love her like she was your own daughter.”

“I promise.”

I can feel myself relax a little at the sound of his voice. I know they ring with truth, for that is just the man Radin is; so trustworthy, so brave and strong. I can rest easily knowing Isabella is in his life and under his protection.

The howls of the Greeks flow through the palace, shaking the walls and my soul. They have made it through the palace doors and are probably slaughtering the guards.

My body shakes with fear as I pull Radin out of the bed chamber and in-to the hall. We have to get down the stairs unnoticed and make our way to the cellar. From there Radin and Isabella will escape through the underground passageway.

The clashing of swords and the grunts of dying men come from the pal-ace foyer. I look over at Radin, whose eyes shine with determination and courage, and then at Isabella. She is awake but quiet and calm, not what most infants would do in a dire situation as this. She is showing traits the same as her father, he would be proud, so am I.

We make our way down the stairs and past the kitchen and into the cellar with no problems at all. I tell Radin where the door is hidden, and he hands me Isabella. He makes his way to the wine crate and pushes it to the right. A small wooden door comes to view. Radin moves to open the door, but I stop him before he could. I need one more moment with him, one more memory of us together to make this horrid pain of loss bearable.

I stand on my toes and run my open palm up his chest to wrap around his neck. My lips move against his with uncontrollable needed and longing. He pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. We breathe the same breath and love the same love.

“You must go now Radin. I will come for you and Isabella, but if I don’t in one month I am probably dead. I am going to Athena’s Temple to pray for you and Isabella’s safety when we part. I must stay here and lead my people to safety, okay?”

I look up and see tears from his warm brown eyes. My shaking hand whips them away and cradles his cheek. He places his callused hand on mine and squeezes.

“Please pray for your own safety, that way you will come to us... I love you”

“I love you too” I say, and turn my attention to Isabella. She has fallen asleep in my arms, which brings tears to my eyes. This is probably the last time I can hold my daughter. I cradle her to my chest and place my lips to her cheek. I stay there for a while before I place her back in Radin’s arms.

I hand him the bag we put on the floor, and open the wooden door. Be-fore Radin walks into the passage way, we share one more fleeting look. I close the door and he puts the lock in place. My conscious begins to ease because now the ones I love are safe from the war above.

I stand in front of the door until I hear his footsteps become inaudible. I push the wine crate back in place and run back the way I came. Everything is quiet, which is not a good sign. The guards in the palace foyer are most likely dead, and the Greek warriors are undoubtedly looking throughout the palace.

I take off my shoes and walk bare foot to the left of the palace. I will make my way across the royal garden and into another set of hallways before coming across a door leading into the servants’ chambers. From there I can make my way to Troy’s legendary Wall.

I make it past the palace foyer avoiding the urge to see where the smell of blood is coming from. It is so strong I can’t help but heave in response. The sound of distant footsteps startles me into running down a hallway.

Black smoke pours into the palace from the entrance way of the garden. I slow into a jog as I get closer and cover my mouth and nose with the fabric of my dress. I stop when I am about a foot from the entrance and look around for the warriors. When my eyes see nothing, and my ears hear no threatening sound I step through the entrance onto the marble steps. Most of the garden is on fire. Bodies of servants’ and guards alike lay lifeless on the grass.

I run on the path to the other side of the garden when I see a dagger sticking out of a kitchen servant’s chest. I send a prayer for the poor soul before taking the dagger and continuing along the garden path. My feet take me to the servants’ chambers in an instant, for my mind has strayed to Radin and Isabella.

I press my ear to the chamber door and hear someone moving around. My heart rate increases as fear becomes the only emotion I know. I step back and look for a hiding place. If I can get the attention of whoever is inside and bring them out I will be able to see if they’re friend or foe.

I decide on a closet across the door, there I will hide. Slowly I get inside and leave the closet door open a crack, enough for me to see whoever walks out of the servants’ chambers. I take a gold hair accessory and throw it down the hall; it’s loud enough because everything is now deathly quiet.

I hold my breath and ready my dagger. The chamber door opens and a man in Greek armor steps out. He has readied his blade and with a ghastly look, stared down the hall where he heard the sound. He seemed to relax a little because he lowered his sword. I thought he might walk back in the chamber but I was wrong. He walked down the hall. And when he thought nothing was there and the place was secured, he put away his sword.

This was my chance, when he walks pass I’ll slip out of the closet and angle my dagger into his back, slicing between his ribs and piercing his lungs. The warrior walks past and in one fluent movement I do exactly as I planned. He dies almost right after, but not before falling to the ground and staring at me in complete and utter shock.

I carry on to the chambers, where I lock the door behind me. Inside the room there are too many dead bodies to count. The smell of death is so strong I almost retch again. I avert my eyes to the door across the room and make my way over, careful not to step on the newly descend.

I press my ear to the door, carefully listening for running footsteps or movement. When I believe it is safe I open the door slowly. I peek outside onto the streets of Troy. My eyes fill with tears when I see the burning buildings of the citizens’ homes and bodies littering the streets. The flames are like the sun in the night, giving everything a daunting appearance.

I saw this, in my vision. I saw the burning buildings; I saw the large wooden horse being left by the Greeks, persuading the Trojans to let it in the city’s walls. I saw the impending doom as the small group of Greek warriors crept out of the wooden horse in the dark of the night and open the city gates. Allowing the waiting Greek army to come inside and destroy everything in its way. Nobody believed me when I told them of what I saw. The only one who did believe me was Radin. He believed every vision I told him since Apollo’s wrenched curse.

The shadows of men leap on the side of the street, slowly getting bigger as they get closer. I rush through the chamber door and run down the street. I weave my way between buildings, where I wait for Greek warriors to pass before heading out again. It seems like forever by the time I get to the hidden doorway through the city wall. It was placed there for an emergency, just like the passageway Radin went through. But this one is more dangerous, because the enemy could be waiting on the other side.

I hide in the dark of an alleyway, waiting for the Greek warriors to march past. When they do, I quickly ripe the wall stoning covering the wooden door out of Troy. My nails break off, and the tips of my finger bleed as I do it. When the stone’s lay in rubble by my feet I unlock the door and open it. The breeze from the coming storm blew my dress and hair back, as well as a little of my stress. I can see the Greeks have set Athena’s Temple on fire; I only hope they left the temple so my journey and praying could go undisturbed.

The walk to Athena’s Temple is a long one. The closer I get the warmer I am. I made it without meeting death in the eye. I have a chance to say my prayer and am one step closer to

completing

my plan. That is if I don’t die while praying.

An hour has probably passed. The sun is starting to rise, revealing a new day is beginning. I stand in the middle of Athena’s Temple where the priests are lying dead on her floor, along with the warriors of Troy. The Greeks are no-where to be seen, which lightens my anxiety. I walk up to the statue of Athena where I bend down and pray.

“Athena, goddess of peace and of war, please hear my prayer. I have killed and sacrificed myself to ask of you a single thing. I wish for the protection of my love Radin Seras and Isabella of Troy, my daughter. Give me a sign you heard my prayer and accept my wish.”

I stay in that position, silently and softly crying, when no sign comes my way. I am just about to give up hope when I suddenly I become dizzy. Happiness is the last emotion I feel before the vision took me away.

I see Radin walking with Isabella in his arms. Radin suddenly stops and turns around, facing the burning city of Troy. In his eyes sadness appears, and tears threaten to spill. He whips them away and kisses Isabella on her head be-fore walking again. This time he doesn't look back.

I am swept into another vision, this time the setting is of little farm house. A girl about six years of age comes from inside the house and runs to a man with brown, gray hair and sparkling brown eyes. She grabs his hand and smiles up to his face. Her hair is curly and a soft red, her eyes shine a sky blue and her olive skin radiates in the suns light. Around her neck is a necklace with a white round pendant. I already knew the little girl was Isabella and the man was Radin. I am so happy to know they live and become older together. Tears pour from my eyes as my soul lifts and my love soars for them both. I want to stay here and watch them as they run through the fields, but I can feel the pulling sensation on my body as I’m pulled back to reality.

I lie on the marble flooring of the temple and whisper my thanks to Athena. I am so enveloped in happiness for Isabella and Radin that I don’t hear or notice the man standing above me. Not until I am wrenched from the ground and slammed against a cold armor chest plate. My shoulder burns from the impact and my arm hurts from the grip of the warrior.

I don’t dare look up at my killers face because I want my last memory to be of Radin and Isabella.

“How did the princess of Troy get all the way out here without alerting anyone, hmm?” asked a man with a deep, raspy voice. I can feel his eyes leaving a trail of burning hate on my body as he says, “Your names Cassandra right, the one who tells crazy tails of the future and believes what she says is true. Ha, I can’t believe someone as cracked as you made it out of the palace and past my warriors.” He goes quite, waiting for me to beg for my life, or too scream for mercy, but I don’t. Instead I pull way and try to get in a few hits, but he stops me by placing a dagger to my throat.

“Don’t try anything too rash bitch!” he snarls into my ear. He drags me out of Athena’s temple before throwing me to the ground, where I thoughtlessly try making another escape. The Greek slams his fist into my face. I think of Radin and Isabella and their cheerful faces before everything goes black.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

Hello imagin, Wolf here for a review.

I really liked this piece. The descriptions are beautiful, and I can see every scene very well. I personally haven't heard the story of Troy, and the only detail I am aware of is the Trojian Horse. The narrator's feeling are very apparent in this and I think you use first person very well in developing the story.

One technical thing I want to point out is this story had a lot of sentences starring with pronounces. Such as 'I did this. He did that. I went here.' And so on. Try adding diffrent sentence starters. Maybe use some actions to start it, use dependent clause, try something else so the flow becomes better.

As mentioned previously, there are a few grammatical errors, such as random hyphens. Other spots there are misplaced commas or commas that don't belong (dont worry commas are always hard). Some things to remeber for future reference: (more than likely this is just a refresher)
1.) Comma Spices: A run-on sentence with a comma in the middle of it. An easy way to check for these is to replace the comma with a period, and if it sound fine as two sentences, then its a comma splice.
2.) Compound Sentences: I'm pretty sure you know about these, but remember there must be a comma before the conjunction (as seen here).
3.) Dependent and Independent Clauses: A dependent clause is a phrase that can not stand on its own, while an independent clause can. When connecting the two, if the dependent clause is before the independent there should be a comma, but if its after there is none.

Hope I helped, and I can't wait to see more, for you are a beautiful writer! Keep Writing
~Wolfare

User avatar
StellaThomas
Review
StellaThomas wrote a review Review · May 19, 2014

Hey imagin! Stella here!

So I love the story of Troy, and Cassandra's perspective is definitely an interesting one to take. This is just the beginning of a story, right? So I wonder where it's going to go from here.

There's some formatting issues here - you have some words with random hyphens in the middle and you hit enter too early on a couple of paragraphs - just be careful to run over those things! Also you need to go over punctuation within dialogue - there's a great Knowledge Base article here on YWS by Demeter that explains it all! Once you learn it once you'll never forget it.

I was wondering how plausible the names Radin and Isabella were in this context... Isabella is an Italian name, and Italy isn't even a thing at this point, so I would question that... pretty name though!

If we were going to talk about personal preference, I think I would say that I'd love to see more of the story wound in here. So for instance, the horse, you don't mention until quite late in the piece. I'd put it in earlier. Maybe you could mention the past events of the war - Hector's death, Achilles' death, I think that it could really enrich what you've got! But that's probably just because I'm a massive nerd (and a massive Hector fangirl. But then, who isn't?!)

I also felt it wasn't really clear why Cassandra was going to the temple instead of escaping. I know you said that she would lead her people to safety - but why isn't she doing that?! The city is burning, it's a fairly time-sensitive issue, and while prayer is important, I just felt that the whole thing didn't add up - making her way through the city to pray. Isn't there a shrine in the palace? Couldn't she pray there and then join up with Aeneas/whoever else is leaving the city? So that didn't really sit too well with me.

But to be honest, I can't really fault the writing here - you could pick up the pace a little bit in the second half of the piece, perhaps. But other than that, I really enjoyed this, and I'd love to read more!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x



Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious.
— Kathryn Stockett, The Help