"Stina get up! It happened again, they attacked!” I said shaking my best friend awake. “Stina!!”
“You have got to be kidding me! Just go without me!”
“Naxos said he needed to talk to all of us so let’s go!” I pulled the covers from her and kept shaking her.” I could just get Lothen in here! Let’s go!”
“Fine I’m up!” She said getting up and heading toward the bathroom.” Oh! Next time don’t shake me so hard. My brain might turn into goo.”
I laughed “Ok I’ll try not to! Just get ready and meet us down stairs. We have to get out of here A.S.A.P.”
“Ok!” She yelled over the running water of the sink.
After getting Stina’s stuff and mine ready I headed downstairs of the small cottage in Albania we were staying in. The Black Reapers led us here after doing a killing about three days ago. Now they did another one, so we have to go to our headquarters to get information about it.
“Ok! I woke her up. She’s getting ready.” I said letting go of our bags next to the door along with the other ones.”Espen have you heard anything from Naxos?”
“Yes. He told me that this killing wasn’t very big so all of us probably won’t be going.”
Espen was the leader of the Black Slayers. He’s only twenty-three, but he is the most experienced. I answered with a nod and started to serve myself breakfast. I decided to eat light so I put some scrambled eggs and a piece of toast on my plate. We all ate in silence waiting for Stina.
Right when I was about to put my dishes in the sink Stina started yelling for me. I looked around for a quick second and bolted upstairs. Stina was on the floor, in jeans and a tank top, with a piece of paper in front of her drawing what looked like a farm, but she never added to the drawing she just kept drawing it over and over again.
“Ara! Arabella! I can’t get out!” She yelled.
“Stina its ok I’m right here!”
“Ara go and get some water! As cold as possible! Hurry!”
I called Lothen upstairs. His special Black Slayer power was water using. I told him what to do and with a quick movement of his hands he trenched Stina with water. Suddenly Stina’s lifeless eyes came back to life as she looked at me with terror. I stared at her back in complete confusion. She started to shake so I put the covers of one of the beds on her. I gave Lothen a pat on the back and whispered “thank you”. He replied with a nod and left the room. After he was gone I sat next to Stina.
“Ina? What was that all about? That has never happened before.”
“I have no idea! It was like the vision didn’t want me to come out. It just replayed over and over again. Everything I just said out loud I was thinking.”
“What was the vision Ina?” I said automatically looking for the paper she was drawing on before. The paper was completely drenched in water, so you couldn’t see what used to be there.
“It was where I used to live in Sicily. You were on my farm with a guy. I couldn’t see his face. You looked really scared of him, but yet you hung on to him like you never wanted to let him go. You looked completely mesmerized by him. Then he just started walking toward me and I started running away from him. Everywhere I went he was there and then he pulled out a stake…..”
“What is it supposed to mean?”
“I have no clue. But I can tell you one thing I has never seen that guy in my entire life”
“Come on dry yourself up.” I said pulling Stina up by her arm.
Stina special powers were to have visions and the other was she was a fire user. The fire using was given to her by Naxos when she saved Fia, another Black Slayer, from a fire. She has been in love with it since then. With a quick hand movement she dried herself up and the covers. We went downstairs where we grabbed our bags and headed outside, where the rest of the group was waiting for us in the van that was supposed to take us to the airport. I hopped in right next to Stina.
While on the plane I realized how tired I was. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I started to drift away into sleep when someone started shaking me. It was Stina.
“What’s wrong Ina?”
“I had another vision. Don’t worry it wasn’t the same one.”
“What was it then?” I said straightening up in my seat.
“I was running out of the Black Reaper house, we saw in Rio de Janerio that time. I was all banged up, like if I had been fighting, I was almost out of hearing range when I heard scream in the background. It was a guy’s scream.” She said looking at Espen, Rylan, and Lothen.
“Oh my god. Are you sure that’s where you were?”
“A hundred percent. I would never forget that place.”
I was starting to panic. “We have to tell Naxos when we get to headquarters. How far away are we from France?”
“About three hours, including the drive to headquarters.”
“Alright, that isn’t too bad. Once we get there we tell him.”
“Ok. I’ll keep trying to see if anything changes, but you know if nothing changes it’s going to happen.” Stina said looking into my eyes very seriously.
“I know. That’s why we have to change it.” I said giving a deep sigh.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Here to review as requested! (Sorry it's taken so long. Computer problems.)
You use four exclamation points here. Exclamation points must be used to sparingly, otherwise they lose their effect. And you never need more than one. You can add italicization if you really need an added emphasis.
I have two things to say about this bit. One: sometimes your dialogue punctuation is a little sketchy. I mean, I've seen worse, but I've also seen better. Here's a tutorial that I found extremely helpful: Dialogue Punctation.
The other thing was, you have a lot of dialogue in this chapter, and for a lot of it you just have talking heads. Here's a tutorial that explains what a talking head is, and how to get rid of it: How To Get Rid Of Talking Heads.
Also, in your writing in general, you tend to tell, not show, when really, you need to do the opposite. I could go on and on and on about this, but instead I think I'll direct you to a neat little tutorial about this. It explains it better than I could, and with a lot less wordiness. Show and Tell.
Hope this review has been helpful. If you want anymore, you know where to find me.
loveness, ultraviolet