"Boy, pull up your pants." Mrs.Williams called to me as i walked out of my apartment building. I ignored her like i hadn't heard anything, even though i knew later she would snitch to my dad, exaggerating. I pulled out my Dominican flag from my pocket and folded it the way i liked it, into a perfect rectangle so that it would hang off my right pocket perfectly.
I walked quietly on the dirty streets of my hood, wondering if i was ever going to leave this place. My mami(mom) would be proud of me if i became someone. It wasn't a bad idea but i wouldn't promise anyone anything, especially myself.
I stopped at the corner of Franklin and Western to wait for my boys. The sun was starting to get covered by gray clouds and it was only seven-thirty in the morning. The air outside though was crisp and clean.
"Victor.!" I heard my friend Carlos call me in the direction of the bus stop. I jogged over to the group, giving dap to everyone there.
"So how shocked do you think the teachers are going to be when they see we in school?"
The grouped laughed.
"What are you talking about Carlos? Most of us go to school. You're just to lazy to get your ass out of bed in the morning." I replied. I'm pretty sure that's what everyone was thinking.
"Whatever." Carlos said trying to hid his embarrassment." You guys are just jealous because i can stay home. If you guys tried it, you'd get your ass beat by your parents."
Carlos was right.That was the only reason why most of us in LDL went to school. Unlike Carlos's parents, ours cared if we grew up dumb or not.
" I find that funny. How we run this part of town but we can't stand up to our parents." Richardo added.
"What are you talking about? That's sad.!" I said laughing.
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O.K .. so this book is going to be split into two peoples point of view. Victor(who you just read about) and Alecia(Which going to be in chapter 2) ... all the odd chapters go to Victor and the even ones go to Alecia.. i really hope you guys like it . give me your feedback no matter how hard it is. i promise i can take it 
-imaginemymind, xoxo
- oh P.S .. there are going to be Spanish words through out the story but ill put the meaning of it in parentheses (of course in English)
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
This is a fun little start here. There's not too much going on in terms of introducing us to this world at large, but I think you do a solid job of establishing a general setting and a sense of this atmosphere and it works quite well to introduce us to how things work in this world. The bit of dialogue there and the thoughts are also a nice touch to let us know what sort of environment this is and what the personality of our protagonist is like.
Okayy...well this is an interesting group of friends here. It seems you're aiming for a rather specific vibe there with what you're going for and it does make for an interesting scene. At any rate we get a pretty solid look at what sort of dynamic this group has. So far it is fairly realistic and interesting I think.
Well, this is leaning towards a somewhat cliche idea I feel with the sort of hints we're getting, but for the most part it has been decently unique and fun so I think this is a decent start. It seems like we've got the natural sort of teasing going on a friend group and you've also blended in some nice backstory details to it quite well. On the whole it makes for a pretty fun opening I think and I can't see too many places where things haven't quite worked right.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This chapter is really short and cuts off in a kind of awkward place. I would try adding more detail and even describe the characters. Right now I can't really imagine the scene in my head because I don't know anything about the characters- is Victor's hair red? Black? Blond? The same with Carlos.
Also, there isn't very much of a storyline right now. I was getting kind of bored reading it because there just isn't very much going on. I don't think that that conversation was really necessary unless it ties in with the story later on.
Generally what I'm saying is that you should spend longer on the next chapters. Spend more time on detail and building up the storyline instead of basically describing the gangster stereotype. Writing a good story isn't a five minute thing.
I'd like to see how it goes, so message me if you have any questions about what I said or if you post the next part.
~DisturbedDisorder
This could be good. But it's short and doesn't have anything in it except for names, that they're gangsters, and they're forced to go to school.