3 pencils, 3 pens, 1 eraser Chapter 1: A Day(or two) in the life of Me

Hey!

RandomTalks here to leave a quick review!

I slipped out of the classroom and Henry appeared. Henry was adventurous and loved to talk to me.

Well, this story has quite an interesting idea. As writers, we often become too invested in the worlds we build in our imagination. We become so invested in the characters and their lives that we forget to draw the line between imagination and real life. We are tasked with bringing these two dimensional characters to life, in charge of their entire universe and yet we should never allow ourselves to get carried away. I feel like this is what you wanted to portray.

This girl, who is young and has her whole life in front of her has got swept up in the world of her creation, imagining her characters and even conversing with them. It is apparent that she loves writing and enjoys it very much. But this tendency of hers is common in a lot of people and especially children who dissatisfied with the reality of their world reject it and slip back into their imagination instead.

However, the idea that you wanted to portray here gets lost amidst these short clipped sentences that do not have much to back them up. They feel disjointed and fail to deliver the concept of the story. The chapter is too short and it does not do anythying to make us connect with the character. It simply skims through everything before ending suddenly. I feel like if you could expand on this idea, add more emotion and background, this has the possibility of turning into something really good.

That's all.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I want to be a writer because it is my favorite thing to do.

I finished filling out the “Getting to Know You” paper and dropped my pencil on the desk. Smiling, I raised my hand to go to the water fountain.

I slipped out of the classroom and Henry appeared. Henry was adventurous and loved to talk to me.

“Hey Annie!”

Okay, well those points seems a tad bit disjointed there, first we have our protagonist declare that they're a writer, and they love writing and the we move directly to them having finished writing something down for a form of some sort and then out of nowhere another character appears. The flow there is just a bit jumpy. On top of the character introduction is doing a bit too much telling there, those seem like traits you can easily show in action much more effectively than this current method.

“Hey,” I whispered. Henry wasn’t real; he was just a character from my story.

“Want to go look for an ancient artifact, Annie?” he asked, tapping his leather satchel.

“Not right now, Henry. I’ve got school.” I replied.

Frowning, he disappeared and I headed back to class.

Well, ohh, this complicates things somewhat. This person being a character from the story does make that earlier introduction somewhat more valid than it otherwise would be, but hmm, well, now we get to see that perhaps we've got this child who's somewhat stuck between two world as they get into their writing.

“What took you so long?” smirked John.

I quietly sat down at my desk. I started a brainstorming session and worked my brain to its max.

Henry leaped out of the way and grinned. He had finally accomplished his mission. He had the water from the Fountain of Youth.

The bell rang and I sprung from my seat.

I'll continue later... I got to go...

Okayy...well, this is a neat little piece. On the surface it does appear a tiny bit disjointed and confusing, I won't lie, but once you really look at it and try to understand the deeper meaning here, its a fascinating story of this child almost living in two worlds...in both the real one and also the world he writes about...and is almost as invested in that as the characters he writes..it makes for a wonderfully relatable piece here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry