Chapter 3
The French test was incredibly easy. There are questions like fill in the blank:
Le chien a essayé son mieux pour (1) le chat. The dog was trying its hardest to (1) the cat.
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casher Hide from
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trouver Find
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jouer avec Play with
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attraper Catch
I got put into one of the highest French classes. The teacher is named Miss Molyneux . She is a young French lady who came to America to become a teacher. She has short blond hair and doesn’t wear a lot of make up.
The next class I go to is English. I walk in slightly late because I couldn’t find the room. The teacher, a stern man, looks at me, then at the paper in his hands.
“Are you Miss Myer?”
“Yes, sir.” I say, not knowing what to call him
“My name is Mr. Samuels. Welcome to the class. You may take a seat behind Maxwell.” He says as he gestures to a boy.
Maxwell turns to the front of the classroom from talking to one of his friends. He is super hot. He has short brown hair. He is wearing an MW football jacket. He’s a jock... I think. I walk over to my seat and sit down.
“Hey, I’m Max. And you are?”
“Jessie.”
“Mister Sutton, do you want to stay after class another day this week?” Mr. Samuel’s voice makes me flinch.
Max turns around, “No.”
The class giggles quietly.
“I suggest you listen to the lecture and take your notes. Remember class, you have a test in two weeks!” Mr. Samuels goes off into a rant about the use of semicolons.
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‘Brrrriiinggg!’
The lunch bell makes me jump. I had been taking notes in Mr. Samuel’s class for an hour. People are up out of their seats in less than a minute and stream out the door. I head towards the cafeteria and realize that I have no one to sit with. I walk to the lunch line and grab a tray. I pull my Hello Kitty wallet out of my back pocket and hand the lunch lady 10 dollars. As she gives me my change, I gaze out at the cafeteria. Everyone has someone to sit with, except for Will. I am tempted to sit by him, but I think better of it.
Someone taps on my shoulder. I turn around and see a girl with chocolate skin and curly black hair.
“Hi! I’m June. I noticed you were alone. You can sit with me and my friends if you want.”
“Um,” I say, “sure.”
“Great! Our table is over here.” She heads towards a table full of people.
“I don’t think I will be able to fit.”
“Oh sure you will! Margaux move over! The new girl is sitting next to me!”
A girl wearing a paint splattered tee shirt scoots over and I sit down where she was.
“Hello new girl, what’s your name?”
“Jessie.”
“I’m Margaux. What’s your talent?”
I don’t know what she means by this question, so I stay silent.
“Oh, ya know!” She says, nudging me, “Everyone here has a talent. Mine’s painting. June’s is gymnastics. People could have anything, really. Over there, the girl in the blue shirt, her’s is Spanish.”
“Oh. Um, I guess mine’s French. I’m not that good at anything else.”
“Wow! Have you ever been to France?”
“No, but my mother was born there.”
Margaux smiles at me, “My name is French, only because my grandmother is French. I don’t know the language though. Most of my friends call me Mary.”
“Margaux means pearl. That’s kind of funny because...” I gesture to her light blonde hair and pale skin.
“Really? I never knew that!” Margaux, Mary was laughing along with the rest of the table.
This chapter feels like it's cut off . . . maybe that's just me, maybe it's just that I've never really been to a school before.
But it doesn't feel right.
I also really am feeling like I need to read the rest of this to be able to understand what's going on here.
I know that there isn't enough information in this story as is, I would advise you to fix it if it wasn't a later chapter.
Your grammar is fairly good, though I don't really understand why you put in a cut from the essay on there.
The idea seems rather old, but it has a bit of a twist that's interesting.
I don't usually read this type of story, but I feel myself being drawn into it.
You have a great informal style that really helps make reading easy.
However, whenever I read a novel (Actually this goes with most people) I try to immerse myself into the story, become the main character. You probably know what I mean.
Well, I've found that the stories that I can do it with easily all have two important things in common. A: Your easy, informal style
And B: A decent amount of detail.
I want to be able to know what she thinks, feels, and sees, and this story is sadly lacking in physical details.
They're important.
But good work, it was interesting, and has potential if you fix that.
Keep writing!
Salutations.
One thing I worry about, having read this and sort-of skimmed the first two chapters, is that there hasn't really been anything to catch my attention as a reader. Also, the character seems sort of...normal. Not much has been shown that distinguishes herself from other characters. Her talent is French, but there are millions of people that can speak French just as well as her. An interesting character quirk, I think, would help that and make the reader want to learn more about her. Also, she doesn't seem to have shown much emotion. Try to add something that distinguishes Jessie from everyone else.
As for the writing style, it's a bit...bland. It's mostly simple sentences, structured similar with similar lengths. Spice it up, vary it, add more description, thoughts, and feelings.
Is incredibly easy, I think. Keep tense consistent.
Such as fill in the blank, I think. Like would mean similar to.
There should be a comma instead of a period after the dialogue.
Here too.
Aren't there better ways to describe someone than "super hot"? Try to describe what he looks like in a way to make the reader get a picture of him in their head.
I have been taking notes, I think.
Streaming out the door, I think.
Paint-splattered
Either the comma after "nudging me" should be a period, or the exclamation mark should be a comma.
I would change the comma here to a period.
Put another comma after "Mary" to finish the appositive.
Well, that's all I have to say. Overall, the writing's good and mostly grammatically correct; I think it would be better, though, with more variety.
Good luck with the rest!