Overdose

I loved this so much. While I may not know a lot about this kind of stuff, I still felt the deep pain and emotion you put into this poem. In a way you were speaking out loud letting the readers experience the suffering. All I can finally say is that I am beyond happy that I came upon your writing. This was amazing. Keep writing.

Hi :]

I am actually left speechless over here. This is a really deep and traumatizing poem which is portrayed brilliantly through the use of imagery and great choice of words. Emotions in the hands of skilled writer with aesthetic sensibility, are the stuff of great literature and this is great literature. This is because you managed not only to induce emotions into the poem but also to transmit them to the reader himself. The different emotions which you experience are being felt as different drugs. It's utterly and completely amazing.

Well, completely is a huge word isn't it? So, no ...not completely. There is a single verse which I would alter, "Like a Boeing 777 straight out of Malaysia Airlines". This verse seems a bit out of place. Yet, I am in no position to impose anything but I can always give you my opinion....

Thank you for sharing this amazing piece of work I really like it (a lot) even with the plane part.

I'm really looking forward to reading more of your work,
-paula08

I really liked this, it was so real and true. There are so many people who go through this and never say anything about it. Same thing happen to my boyfriend up until he met me. Sometimes I think that if I wouldn't have said anything to him he wouldn't even be here anymore. So I guess because I know how it feels to love someone in this situation it makes me feel something while reading this. I like how this shows that life is not perfect at all. I really like how you're not afraid to say any of this. My boyfriend just shuts it out and it makes it worse. You're writing is very good too, I like your choice of words.

I love how raw this poem is. It tells how you feel in what I see as metaphors (the drugs). Either way, it's beautiful because you weren't afraid to be completely honest in how you feel. In my opinion, that's what poetry should be. You really don't have any punctuation, though, so maybe put some commas and periods where they belong. Poetry is supposed to have punctuation just as any other writing.
Good job putting your true emotions deep into this incredible piece.

This is such a powerful poem. I could really feel the emotion and anger in it. Your descriptions and metaphors/similes are excellent. I especially like, "pump my stomach with this pen and pad", and "I light up my anger at the world and ash on your soul." The way that you organize your piece is fantastic also, like how the words, "I get high" are separated. The organization of the piece made me read it in a way that helped me extract more feeling out of it.
Very well written. Thank you for sharing.

A very powerful and personal poem; I greatly enjoyed it. I think you did an excellent job, for the most part, of showing instead of telling, of dropping just enough hints and details but not too many so that the reader feels as though he isn't doing any of the work.

However, a few of the lines' wording could be improved. "I overdose on my childhood" sounds a bit melodramatic, whilst the use of the word "soul" is cliche. I also think the reference to the Malaysia Airlines crash feels needlessly topical and very out-of-place.

Still, this is a forceful, deeply felt poem, and you have an incredible amount of courage to write something like this.

Okay.
I'm still reeling from the after effects of reading this.

This is probably one of the best poems I've read.
The way it was so raw with emotion, and the way it gave me goosebumps at the end was..just...amazing.

The ending was what really got to me.
This was amazingly written. Sorry. I'm lost for words right now so i'm still stuck on "amazing".

The imagery and the emotions were blended beautifully in this poem. The balance was perfect.
My favourite part was :

"I get high on the hatred she felt

Inject it into my veins

Allow its scalding hot hands to wrap themselves

Around the love I still feel

And choke it out

I overdose on my childhood "


I could actually feel scalding hands on me. This was THAT well written.

Keep writing. This was really powerful. Hope to read more stuff from you.


Hassan.

This is so deep I do not feel like I have the right to critique it. I love how you were able to take all this hurt and pain and turn it into art though. Really great.