I remember how we sat in the hospital waiting room, all of those long hours. We waited for you, little baby. And finally, we got the call, and we rushed into the room. Would all of our dreams be met? Would you be all that we wished for?
Yet when we walk in little baby, we don't hear a word. We don't see the nurses all googly-eyed over you, we don't see Mum as she looks into your eyes for the very first time. A single tear lands on your face, and then another and then another. Soon, everyone is crying, people are hugging and sobbing at the same time. I crawl on my knees, to get up close to you. Your face, it's as white as the snow falling from the sky, and I lay my hand down on your chest. Your body is still, little baby. I can't hear a thump, thump, are you too tired? Are you too tired to thump for me? Why little baby, why are you so pale? Did you eat too much snow? And why, why little baby, aren't you crying too?
We go home little baby, we leave you behind. Mum says it just wasn't right, Daddy's lip begins to quiver. But why, little baby? Why would you want to stay in a place of gray walls, of people who barely even know you? We could bake cookies, have tea parties, play house. Yet we walk out the doors and don't hear the pitter-pattering of your feet as you fight to catch up with us.
Kenna says,
And I still wonder sometimes little baby, whem will you come back? Will you come knocking on our door one day? Will we pounce on you and shower kisses all over you? Will you have brown hair, like me, or blue eyes like Mum? Will you have the same laugh as Daddy, the same smile as Sissy? Will you, little baby, will you come back?
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
Hi! I really like your story! Some parts did confuse me though.
At this part when you said,
Who is the narrator? At first I thought they were the baby's mother but then I got really confused when it said they ran in and watched and it wasn't until I heard that they called them mother and father I knew who they were.
Another thing is how old is the narrator? Because I don't think it would be believable that the parents would let their children come in and see the corpse of the dead child so I thought they must be older but then they call them mum and daddy and then they say tea parties and playing house so are they younger or older?
I really like the concept and the writing style there were just somethings that confused me. I cant wait to read more and I wish you well! Bye! Happy Writing!
Well this is partly based on a true story, where the parents let the kids see the dead baby. I'll definitely try to clarify who the narrator is, thanks for reviewing!
Hi,
NITPICKING! 
What a story here! >;<
This thing intrigues me.
You used some interesting perspective of a child watching his/her little brother/sister died. I couldn't agreed more. It is so cool and of course, heart-breaking for me. The choices and the words and the narratives and almost everything suits, but watch out for some typos and the lacks of description.
As for the "little baby", I think it is appropriate because it's rhymes! Okay, maybe not for that reason. Well, people tend to name their child after the baby is borne, but when the baby dies, will the name be necessary? No, right. So, a clap for you.
Don't open this...
Spoiler
This is one of the grammatical errors that I have found in your story.
Between this ^ paragraph and the rest, you put the wrong tenses. I don't know, is this a present story or a past story. But the part I would like to highlight is this,
Yes, the first two words you used. This marks the story as already happened, but after reading the rest of the paragraphs after the first, it completely confusing. I can understand this story, but such mistakes could make your readers running away. Change all the verbs you used to past tense. I would love to see them.
Okay, I hate nitpicking and this is all for that.
This story, perhaps, one of the saddest slices of life and you can convey this in a short one. Congrats!
And that marks the end of this. I hope you'll be able to write more stories filled with emotions and curiosities as this. KEEP WRITING!
~~Nicol
P/s: Googled-eyed
Thanks for your nitpicks and comments!! It really helps. Have to say, I was expecting worse from a ten minute story, but thanks!!!! Again, it really helps.
No problem.
Yay, time for a review! I always say that when I do a review...Ok, now this story was a little rushed, not much details. It's a common mistake, I do it all the time to be honest. So just try to put some details, how did the "room" smell like, or look or fell like? Was their a chair at the room? A bed? Hope that helped.
I think you used "Little baby" too much. What was the name?
So this was: "A baby leaves a family, and the family is really sad about it". And if that's true, it's interesting.
Anyway, I like it!
I agree, I need more details. There was no name for the baby. Thanks for reviewing!
No problem!
Hello! Elysium here with a review.
Well, I haven't reviewed a short story in quite a while.
First off, I will say this is pretty bland. Everything just happens so fast. There's no details. I haven't read any of your other works, but this is just a bit boring.
The one part that irks me the most would have to be the "You do this, you do that." It reminds me of a GPS. Try to lighten it up a bit. I don't write short stories, so ask any others for help if needed.
Also, I want to go back to the beginning.
When I started to read this, the first sentence is so cheesy. Yes, I get your reminiscing, but I would at least try to reword it.
This immediately caught my eye. How could you walk into a baby? Typos like this will definitely get people. You may not catch it at first, but the reader will.
All I have to say is that you need detail. It's dull right now and just detail and description would make it a whole lot better.
-Elysium
Thanks for your review Elysium! I'm usually a big stickler for detail when reviewing works! When I quickly read through this before I published it, I thought wow that was rushed! I basically thought of all of the things you said, but I decided to publish it raw. Thanks for reviewing!