"You got a reaction," The thumping in Baby Blue's headphones made her smile as she breathed deeply. "You got reaction, didn't you?" The steady thumping of the song on repeat helped her clear her mind. She fingered Mrs. Belson's pen, staring at the grimy bathroom stall door in front of her. Her hair, blonde with purple streaks, hung down nearly to her leather-jacketed waist. Clutching the pen tightly, she took a deep breath and pulled all the emotions out of the pen. Anger, when a student called her a bitch. Love for her wife, Maria, and their daughter, Bella. Sadness, when a student had talent and didn't use it.
"You took a white orchid," The song told her. "You took a white orchid and turned it blue."
She knew it was wrong. Mrs. Belson was her favorite teacher after all. She could put "Blue Orchid" on repeat for the rest of her life, but it wouldn't take those thoughts out of her head. But Baby needed to get out of detention if she wanted a shot at making Art Editor for her school's magazine, In The East. So, taking a deep breath in through her nose, Baby took the t-shirt she'd been holding in her hand and shoved it into her mouth. The lights started to flicker. Suddenly, painfully, the darkness overwhelmed her. All her bones felt as though they were breaking and re-healing at once, her skin being peeled back with a sort of sheer, all-over pain. She shuddered and twisted inhumanly, biting down on the t-shirt to keep from screaming.
Just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. She flexed her stiff fingers and looked down at her new appearance. Perfect. It was the same thing Mrs. Belson had been wearing today, from the black kitten heels to the gray pencil skirt to the same dark bun she always wore on top of her head. Taking out the hall pass she'd pilfered earlier, Baby signed Mrs. Belson's name effortlessly. Putting the pen and pass safely away in her backpack, Baby grabbed her t-shirt again, but this time, mid-change, she was yanked back into reality by the door to her stall being kicked open.
Two burly biker dudes stood in front of her, both with long, braided beards, black sunglasses and leather jackets. They were both short, as far as burly biker dudes go, with large potbellies. One was red-headed and -bearded, and the other was brown.
"Found 'er." Red said to Brown. He was looking down at a small black box in her hand.
"We need to have a chat, Missy." Brown's mouth was a straight line.
"C'mon, guys, it wasn't that bad!" Baby whined.
No one was surprised when Baby Blue Hacking was escorted struggling out of school by two potbellied uniformed police officers. No one except Mrs. Belson, whose eyebrows furrowed when one of them tossed her her favorite purple pen.
"You took a white orchid and turned it blue."
Wow, awesome job with this. It fits the song perfectly. I like your writing style, it has the clearness and easy-to-readness as Percy Jackson, except, in my opinion, its much better.
I'n not sure I entirely understood what was going on the whole time though. How did she come to be holding the shirt? After re reading it, I get her power... but maybe some more backstory, or even just passing comments explaining it,
Il finish this later i gotta go but its awesome!
so I have to admit, you did a thing that I've wanted to see done for years. the closest I've ever come to this form of media is Scott Pilgrim, where at the end of every book the artist listed what songs you should listen to as a sort of "pseudo-soundtrack" to the book. you've taken this one step further, by telling your reader that listening to the song while reading the chapter will produce the best outcome experientially, and I have to hand it to you, you pulled it off. this is the kind of media I would like to see more of, where it combines different types of media into one, stretching what you can do with each, and allowing for a more in depth experience. and the best part is that if you don't like the song the author has chosen, or you're not a fan of the combination of music and literature, you can just read it normally, like any other book.
Okay, enough talk about media, let's talk about the actual content. your strengths are definitely description and emotional exposure, so I got a good picture of your characters, and really felt like I knew how they thought and what made them tick with only a few sentences, which is impressive.
your weakness on the other hand, is your lack of clarity. I'm fairly certain your MC went through a very intense physical transformation in order to become her teacher, but the way you told the story was a bit convoluted. exiting, sure enough, but confusing all the same. at first I wasn't sure if she was normally the teacher, and she was turning back into her original form, or if she was having some sort of flashback, but after a couple re-reads, I caught the gist of it.
luckily this is an easy problem to fix, because where you went wrong was just not taking the time to fully introduce your MC before the transformation. I understand that you had time constraints due to the length of the song, but if you can find some way to add a few paragraphs where the reader gets to see exactly how your MC reacts to different situations before the transformation, and do it while not destroying the sanctity of the awesome new type of entertainment media you have created, I think it would do this story a great service.
all in all, I think this has a lot of potential, especially with the music added, and if you ever write any more, make sure to PM me, I would love to review something like this again. cheers, your friend,
---Psudiname