I can see her in my mind,
Remembering her face in the broad daylight.
Blood, blood, all around,
But they say, this, too, was destined.
The door was open,
But she couldn’t leave.
She saw a light
That she couldn’t reach.
That poor girl,
Could’ve found a lover with that face.
But she had maggots in her brain,
So she decided to fly away.
She did fly, after all,
But to a place unknown.
Now only whispers bear her name,
In minds that wander just the same.
June 19, 2026
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,223 Literary Works • 677,044 Reviews
It's awesome how much weight this carries even though it is so short. It made me feel uneasy, especially the whole second stanza - which very effectively created a feeling of being trapped for me.
I can't really think of a way to improve it. It's pretty vague and leaves a lot of room for interpretation, but i guess that's the whole point and (if so) it was done beautifully.
I really liked how it kind of goes back to the first line in the end:
Has a similar vibe to
And seems to imply the narrator has the same "problem" as the girl.
As I already mentioned, I also really like the second stanza - it's so "ironic", especially
With makes it really tragic, but also kinda real - i can really relate to that and it works very well here.
All in all, I really love this poem!
Thank you so much<33
Hi,
This poem is signficantly creepy, and I particularly like the notes you hit with the end of the first stanza ("but they say, this, too, was destined") and the second stanza. They sound sort of discordant and unnerving.
I do wonder about the third-last line. Something about that one tonally doesn't quite seem of a piece - I'm not sure I actually have the solution for what you could put in, and this might only be my perspective, but to me it takes a little bit away from what was built up in the previous sections.
I do like the last line as well, the way it underscores the girl's death with a sort of irrelevance to everybody else. It's awful, but it's a also a damn good take on nihilism and fears about our own potential lack of importance in the grand scheme of things.
This last part is going to sound nitpicky to the extreme, but potentially a comma after "wander", might slow the eye down on that last line - I found my eyes skipped slightly over that and I had to go back and reread it. That could just be me. But I have found well-placed commas can tap the brakes on lines you want the reader to mull over for a moment, and this feels like the line for that.
Thanks for sharing!
If you mean by
"But to a place unknown"
I meant that she's now basically somewhere no one knows, which signifies that she's in the afterlife.
Now that I read your review, i do feel like I could make it better by just a few things.
Thank you so much for responding<3
Hello! I really like how restrained the language is here despite the subject matter being so heavy - I'm really into how "detached" it feels.
In the first stanza, I love the contrast between "broad daylight" and "blood, blood, all around." Daylight usually carries this sense of clarity or safety, so placing such violent imagery inside it makes the memory feel even more exposed. There’s nowhere for what happened to hide. I also like the repetition of "blood" because it interrupts the calm rhythm of the first two lines and suddenly makes everything much more visceral.
Though -
What does this mean? This is interesting to me because of the vague "they" - I don’t know whether this is family, society, religious belief, gossip, etc., and that creates a feeling of confusion for me. To me, I interpreted that people are trying to explain away a tragedy after the fact. I wonder if the narrator believes this idea of destiny or is resisting it?
I really like this stanza! It’s simple, but it's probably the most effective part to me. Both the door and the light traditionally represent possibility, escape, hope, etc., yet neither is actually accessible to her. The tragedy isn’t that there was literally no way out -> it’s that from her perspective, there might as well have been none. "The door was open / But she couldn’t leave" captures that feeling especially well.
^ There’s also something almost claustrophobic about how short these lines are compared with the first stanza? I wonder if I am picking up on that correctly. It feels as though the poem itself narrows around her.
I’m a little torn on "Could’ve found a lover with that face," though. I understand what I think it’s doing: people looking at someone beautiful and assuming beauty should have been enough to give them a happy life, love, a reason to stay, etc. If that irony is intentional, I think there’s something really worthwhile there. As written, though, it could also sound like the poem itself is suggesting that finding a romantic partner might have saved her. Would it? I doubt that is how it would work, even in a poetic context.
Great - nice job with this! I think you could lean more into how other people interpret the girl's life and what she actually experiences, but this was a good read.
All the best!
In the poem, "they" are basically all the people who saw her in that position, in blood. And they're saying "this too was destined," like, you know how people say "it's all God's plan," "it's destiny," etc.? That's what it means, that people always need to give a vague explanation to even the most devastating things like death instead of actually having sympathy and mourning.
And in
"Could’ve found a lover with that face,"
It's again the people saying that "why did she have to chase her dream when she could've found a lover because she was really pretty."
I understand there are some things I should work on, and that's why I find your review really helpful.
Thank you<3
Wow, this poem is both haunting and strikingly beautiful!
Makes me wonder, what happened to her?
This one is especially haunting, it's now seared into by brain.
Thank you for sharing! Have a good night/day and be safe!
I wrote as she did su**ide, but people can think it the way they want.
Thank you so much<3
Oh, wow. I didn't expect that, but I love that idea!