Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
I see students Up on Richmond Row And the shit-stained streets of Broughdale With drinks in one hand and Smokes in the other, Laughing and screaming with Short skirts, booty shorts, and tank tops. Bare chests with green painted on ‘em, Faces with green painted on ‘em, Chanting and singing away In the cold March air. There’s a boy, Or a man, Or a boy who just looks like a man, With a Superwoman corset on And beer bottles where breasts should’ve been. People are laughing at him Even though his skin looks sort of blue. I see students In the campus bar With giant jugs of beer And grins on their Faces with green painted on ‘em, Huddled in packs around wooden tables, Howling every now and then At nothing in particular. There’s an aging man on the stage Singing old Irish songs his mother probably taught him, But it doesn’t really look like Anyone cares. I see students At the pubs Standing in the cold air and Waiting for service with grins on, Excitement set, And trouble ready to go. There's a girl crying At the corner of some LCBO About a boy Who can't keep his pants on. And I wonder For a moment Who that might be. I see cop cars patrolling the streets With shades on, No green on ‘em, Even though there are students all around. All around they’re Drinking away, Chanting away, Singing away, The stress And anxiety And pain Away.
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Hey, I'm here for a review. Happy review Day hyperview!
I'd to say, overall this poem was really good. I really enjoyed it quite a lot. I really loved the repetition of the green painted on peoples faces. This delves deep into the aspect of St. Patrick's Day with all the drinking and different people there are. But mostly how most drink and have fun and try to forget all there problems. But what I'd like to see from this poem, is a little more diversity of the characters. Like say what they are doing, and then why specifically. the Boy with no pants with depression, the girl chugging trying to forget about failing or her boyfriend cheating on her.
Have fun with this poem if you continue to write it! See you later!
Okay....Okay....Hello. I kinda like it. It is fun and it takes you into what St.Patrick's day is like. I like that. Over all the poem is nicely written and gives you some new perspective to the day. I like that you can write something about an event that makes it seem a little bit less screwed up than it actually is. The best of wishes to you.
P.S. I hope this helped.
well ok then that is very awkard
Hi, it's Kaila here for a review!
This is a nice poem. It feels strangely depressing and merry at the same time. You do a good job conveying the scene.
I think it's interesting that you decided to write this in poem form (since in traditional form I would imagine it as more of a short story kind of thing). I do think that writing it as a poem makes it more interesting; it somehow helps you convey the emotion more, which is obviously very important when writing something like this. Maybe that's just because a poem is more like raw description and less dialogue and / or action... I don't really know. But anyways, it works.
I also really like the way you wrote the end stanza. The description there is possibly the best part of the poem, in my opinion. I love how you separated out the different pieces of description; it really helps define the moment in time.
Overall, nice poem