Sim 1: ZZzzzzz....
-Alarm goes off-
Sim 1: WTF!? Crap, my alarm. I better go to work. Oh no I have to crap, and I can't go through that doorway into the bathroom because a bookcase is slightly blocking it. OH CRAP!
-pisses on floor-
Sim 1: Oh god, my hands are filthy from pissing! I must wash them!
-Sim 1 glances at clock-
Sim 1: 7:59am? I've got plenty of time! Nothing can stop me from washing my stinkin' hands, and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm also about to die of hunger because I wanted to play goddamn basketball all of yesterday, which is my only day off for the whole week!
-crappy carpool pulls up at driveway, stays for three seconds, and quickly speeds off-
Sim 1: Oh well. I'll be fired from my job which I have worked for about five months, without a single promotion, because I couldn't make any friends due to the fact my
house's front yard is uneven, and I can't build any pathways or even the ground out because I have no money, due to the fact I spent it all to make myself happy with an art easel that he barely ever uses. I'm hungry!
-Sim 1 screams and has fit-
Sim 1: Here is my wife, Bella, strolling around the house reading books and poking at the dead fish in the aquarium that we forgot to feed.
Bella: Sims ajhda dasdhasd hgas hdgas hdg!
-Bella points at her stomach-
Sim 1: Oh god, she's hungry again. And I keep telling you, Bella, stop talking in incoherent mumblings! Use your thought-bubbles and speech-bubbles!!
Bella: -creates thought bubble thinking of a cross over Sim 1-
Sim 1: Much better. Anyway, I hear the Repo Man clearing out our house due to unpaid bills! Better rescue our darling daughter from the attic!
Bella: -creates speech bubble picturing a girl with a cross over her-
Sim 1: Oh, right. She's at Military School because we forgot to set her alarm to wake up at the right time... whoops!
-Repo Man claims piano, fridge, TV, bookcase, dead fish, table, five chairs, couch, wardrobe, double bed, single bed, and then the art easel-
Sim 1: Awww! My art easel that I never use!
Bella: -creates speech bubble with tombstone on it-
Sim 1: What are you talking ab-oh crap.
-Bella keels over onto the floor and the Grim Reaper comes in-
Sim 1: Oh my god! My darling Bella! Please, Grim Reaper sir, please bring her back!
-Grim Reaper motions for Paper Scissors Rock-
Sim 1: Alright.
-Sim 1 loses-
Sim 1: SHIT.
-Grim Reaper goes away, and the body of Bella turns into an ornament-
Sim 1: NOOOOO! BELLA WHYY!?!
-cries for eight hours at tombstone-
Oh damn I'm getting hungry. Nevermind, I'm dirty again, somehow. I better go brush my teeth, which is stupid because
I am completely filthy and need a bath, or shower. Ok, my teeth are clean, now since I'm at a mirror, I need to practice my charisma until I pass out...
-hears improvement music in backround after six hours-
Sim 1: YES! I did i..i...t... -passes out-
-Sim 1 falls asleep and wakes up again. Sim 1 calls for pizza-
Sim 1: GSG SDAHGD AJSDG hsgahgdajs hgdkjaH GJHGSAjhg fiASHDAG.
Pizza Service: SHJGDA SKJGD7Y WG $40 DGAG SAHDASDF VSADVGFAGF.
Sim 1: sad sahd.
-Sim 1 hangs up-
Sim 1: I'm still tired. The pizza service will take an hour, I might as well go to bed, and wake up at half past. Even with 30 minutes, I will not make it anyway because it takes me an hour to travel downstairs and take the longest and most drawn out route availible to the front door to grab a pizza which won't appetise me fully at all.
-Sim 1 feels funny-
Sim 1: Erm... I feel... dizzy... -dies-
You: OMFG! FINALLY! I THOUGHT HE'D NEVER DIE! OMFG I HATE THIS GAME!
-You smash computer-
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Wow, this little skit (I'll call it) really does a good job at depicting the gameplay of The Sims games. I myself am a big fan of it and can play it for hours on end and NEVER EAT.... Just kidding. Anyway I have a few suggestions on how you could improve this piece:
-Onomatopoeia could use alot of work
It looks like you just pressed buttons on your keyboard, no offense
-I had a little bit of a hard time telling which was speech and which was action. I think you should make actions in italics, just so the reader can distinguish between the two.
-This isn't a big deal but you could use less swearing and less im speak, There are ways you could get the point across without using these things.
Overall Good Work I really like this piece and you could make it really good.
Once, I was so intent on killing this guy - he was so annoying, everyone else in my family died cause i ingnored them
It was annoying
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
That is how much, loud and long I laughed.
Lol, that was such a good idea! I love:
Oh no I have to crap, and I can't go through that doorway into the bathroom because a bookcase is slightly blocking it.
So flipping true.
Wow, that was really clever, and funny.
Do more!
I can totally RELATE to this! Bravo! Whoo!
LOL. That was just... awesome.
It totally describes the annoyance of Sims. You have to control every single aspect of their life, because they can't move two steps without you commanding them.
Sim:Oh dear, my bladder is full and everything else is empty. Oh, whoops, I can't sleep because my stupid pet is blocking off my bed(actually happened to me, I tried to kill the pet.) I'm gonna throw a party even though it's 2:00 AM. Oh, my cat moved, so now my wife and this partygoer are in the same bed. Ah well. I'm gonna walk to town square, and four hours will pass on my 10 minute walk. Oh dear, my meters went down. Oh! A dog! I better make 100 love with it. Ow, it bit me. Oh no. I'm a Twilight werewolf.
*giggles*
Pretty much a Sims pro. *lame*
Oh, the Sims. I have all of the first edition and all of the Sims 2. Love it.
Methinks, if you have Sims 2, you should use "maxmotives" I think is the code... it keeps all their needs green except for their environment. And "motivedecay" if you want to to stay green forever. xD It makes playing a lot more fun.
Heheheh, and then there's the code that enables you to pick up people. I pick up random strangers walking by my house and drop them into a room with nothing but a sink. And watch them die... *evil* I just love it when the ghosties come out at night! I also love to make zombie people. They're amazing. Heh.
Anywhoo, this is amazing. Pretty much word for word Sims. I love it.
-Holly
hahahaaaa
I loved reading this.. it was hilarious! This is exactly how I feel wen I play! It can be so frustrating...taking an hour to walk to the front door, not being able to go through a door because a tiny bit of it is covered... Things like that really bug me! E
Great job A+!
This is...beautiful.
It seriously brings tears to my eyes.
Okay, maybe not seriously, but you so get a gold star for this!
ha ha. I play Sims all the time and I totally relate. I get so mad when they take so long to do every little chore. Just for the laugh *gold star*
Thank You for actually reading my stuff! I really apreciate all your comments and reviews! I didnt think anyone would really look at this!
Lol, I loved this!!
I must say, I am quite addicted to Sims, and it's very unhealthy;
I'll be sitting in front of the TV for, like, HOURS, yelling "OH MY FREAKING GOD!! NO!! I DIDN'T SAY DO THAT!! PICK UP THE FOOD!!! YOU'RE TOO TIRED??! AH, SEE YOU DIED! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!!"
**walks away**
Haha, this is definitely Sims in a nutshell.
[[And I still love it...]]
=]
<33GiGi
first of all this sentence is very long... try to break it up a bit. I think that you put "HE" in instead of "I", where I indicated in bold.
other than that, I really enjoyed it, *gold star* keep going with this, or maybe make it a reality TV show! That would be hilarious! I really like that way that you put it as long and blatent. Nice writing style, and I too have been annoyed by the Sims, so good work on topic choice!
Hey there!
Wow, this was really funny! I like playing the game but it sucks that they don't speak English or any real languages for that matter and then they die so easily. I enjoyed this and yeah, people do have to have knowledge of the game to understand this.
Good job and keep writing!
Ta,
~Angel
*presses gold star*
This is incredible realistic! I like playing the Sims even if my favorite part is to construct the house, but i still like it. but it's way too frustrating! An hour to walk across the house?!
Well, this was pretty good!
You automatically get a gold star.
Dude, this is exactly how I feel when I play. Especially the part where it takes them a flippin' HOUR to walk through their house...and they always take the longest route possible.
Anyways, this was hilarious. Anyone who's played The Sims will definitely find and enjoy the humor in this.
*anti-pop
I liked it I know what you mean. I'll try to play this game and my person always catches on fire so I never get past the first day, before having to start over. And then when the Sim dies the grim reaper takes so long just to go and kill your Sim. Not to mention when you get rob and you call the cops they never get there in time and so you get a ticket for prank calling!
Wow that felt good, I think most people get this way after playing the Sims for awhile. Because even if you have a good family and no body dies, they still have to be so dramatic.
Thanks I needed that laugh.
LOL. Well done.
Frenchyrude and powerofthree, you understand completely if you've played the sims. If not, well...
Brilliant.
I like locking them in a room with nothing but an expresso machine. I also tried electrocuting them. Sending them outside then deleting all the doors....
Ah. Good fun.
But anyway, this made me laugh. Hehe.
I feel the same way. That game is so annoying. It gets on my nerves. My brother is obsessed but I resorted to finding different more creative ways of deforming the sims and killing them off. He got mad... But anyway, the game is really tedious. It was fun for, like, 10 min. but it got really repetitive after awhile. Okay. Done with my angry rant.
Peace, Love, and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
This was a bit confusing and unclear like frenchyrude said. I suggest clarifying some. it's a good idea too. I'd like to see a bit more about each character, it's kind of interesting. I look forward to reading more of it.
I think when you type this up, age should be entered so it's
Name: -insert name here-
Age: -insert age here-
And the description here.
But be careful of plagerism though, there's a lot of reality shows these days.
I m a little confuse. Is this your first chapter? are you going to add more? If you were not planning to, I think that you should. Your story sound like a TV show which make it interesting.
i like that it got my attention right away.
i think that it a little dry.
You should put more space between people because it get confusing and distract the reader.
Also you need to work on your punctuation. I like your piece and I will be happy to read more of this story.
good job