She grew up in a place where the night was always too long, too dark.
The mornings were too foggy to step foot out of bed.
One leg swings out of the blanket and the crisp chill bites at your ankle.
She was a beautiful girl. The type where all would stare in wonder but not dare approach.
Some people saw her as innocent, shy and introverted.
The smart ones knew there was a little spark in her eye.
Not seen by many. She was far more dangerous then anyone could know.
She spent her days locked in her room, living an adventurous life only in her mind as others went about their daily routines.
She had little interest in others and earthly things.
The light in her soul was so immense yet the dark shadows clouded over her being.
She no longer knew how to live in her own light.
She was numb, unable to feel her surroundings, haunted by her own mind.
She craved freedom to the point that it terrified her.
She wished her soul would burst free from her body, then she could go home, where she belonged.
Then she could be free.
Her wishes were unattainable so she lived in her daydreams, where she was mighty and praised by the gods.
Yet these daydreams would never be.
The demons which haunted her, taunted her, she obeyed their wishes out of fear of their wrath.
So when she felt their presence she would dance and sing to her devils all day and night until she fell asleep from exhaustion.
Each day was the same, the only thing that changed were her daydreams.
A new adventure in her mind. Her fantasies were her life, the only reason she stayed strong.
Every now and then, when she gained enough courage, she would step foot outside of her dreary home.
The grass would be cool and moist between her toes.
She would try to force a tear from her eye, but could not, as she felt nothing, nothing but a hollow sadness.
She envied those who laughed at the sun, the girls who twirled their dresses in the wind.
After such experiences she would once again lock herself inside, hidden from the public.
Only her devils would keep her company.
So she danced and sang to them and twirled her dress more beautifully then the girls outside.
When she believed they were satisfied, she lost herself in her mind.
She was lost, forever waiting to be found.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there, I love your username and also your story.
I like your narration, I mean it was very easy to read and can actually imagine how you were feeling about the girl. I like the connection between the reader and the writer and I must say that you did a excellent job in that.
To be true I had to check twice to see if this was a poem because you were so poetic in your word selection, which I was not blessed with.
In this line, I feel like the comma should be after "forever"
This is just my suggestion but your own line did send a sad vibe. Maye be that's how you wanted it to be. I really liked this. Keep up the good work.
Keep writing!!!
Cheers!!!
Thank you! Very much appreciated!
Wow, this is honestly amazing. I'd love to leave a review, but I don't have time, so I guess a comment will do for now
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I really loved this, that's all I can say.
Well, thank you very much!
This was really good. Your title attracted my attention instantly!
Your content was really good and interesting. The only thing I see fault in is that you don't connect each sentence together. It all seems to have been thrown in with each other. Despite this, the content is really really good! You did an amazing job with this.
So, down to the details.
Nice opening sentence, but I think you could have done without the comma. Replace it with an ellipsis, maybe?
These lines were extremely well constructed; some of my favourite in the whole story.
This was a good way to end it. Nice and simple, with an air of mystery still lurking around.
I couldn't find a huge amounts of faults in this, it was really good and I enjoyed every single bit of it. Just work on the structure because it's too broken up at the moment.
I look forward to reading any more works you post, you're a talented writer!
Well done and good luck with future writing.
-Clarity.
Thank you so much! I feel flattered haha. Yes I admit I'm not the best at connecting sentences together, not my strong point. :p Thank you for the nice review though!
No problem!