Hey!
To me, it was a little too telling and, like jMin said, straight forward. As summer seems to be something you're quite passionate about, you could've done a lot more. There's only a matter-of-fact tone, and all the poeticness (?) doesn't exist.
One of the greatest times of the year
Has arrived--so scream and cheer.
The lining is a little weird. I don't think you should capitalize the last line.
Well, overall I thought that the idea is good and cute, and by rewriting, maybe, you could have something absolutely great! I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh, by the way...
See you around!
Demeter xx
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