horsez919 wrote:Cooped up in here-what I call a world of my own,
I’m surrounded by the darkness and I’m all alone.
Wanting out and to be set free,
For there is no room here for me.
This part is really good because it gives room for imagination but it's not to vauge.. it gives you a good mental picture. i also think it could be developed on a little more. try adding something like
yearning for the light of day
is there any other way??
of course it dooesnt have to be exactly like that, but something to make it fuller.
hope i helped.
-M.J.-
Points: 890
Reviews: 49
Donate