Chapter 2: New Life (Revised)

by horseswrite

Published June 25, 2016

12+ Mature Content

In Fan Fiction Stories

Hello again! This is my second Chapter (well, it’s kind of obvious, it says Chapter 2: New life), and I really hope you guys like it! If you didn’t read the first Chapter, I would suggest that you do so that you won’t get lost. The easiest way to find it is if you go to my profile and click the button that says, “Portfolio” and you’ll see Chapter 1 and 2 of my story!  Also wanted to say that when it is in italics, it is her thoughts, NOT Russian! If they are speaking Russian, the word Russian would be written beside it in parentheses. This Chapter is dedicated to Laurenh6 and lonewolf22!! Thank you guys so much for those awesome reviews! And, without further ado, here’s the 2nd Chapter!  P.S. I revised this and I was looking for some feedback! Thanks guys!

Chapter 2: New life

No.

I feel tears stinging my eyes like a thousand needles. I won’t let them fall. I won’t let them see that I’m weak. I turn around and see the man with the metal arm and plead with my eyes.

Please tell me I’m wrong. Please tell me I’m not at HYDRA.

He just looks, frowns, and turns away.

I finally get my voice back and ask the man in the long black coat, “So you are the notorious Johann Schmidt?”

“No, but you are a little British girl!” I ignored the comment. Who is this man then?

“If you’re not Johann Schmidt, then who are you?”

“ I am Aldemar Gwerder. I took over HYDRA after its separation and downfall years ago. You have heard of Dr. Zola, haven’t you?” He didn’t wait for my answer. “He was recruited into S.H.I.E.L.D after being captured in World War II. Little did they know, that he was using S.H.I.E.L.D’s information to bring up HYDRA again. I was first a small man in a big army, but as HYDRA started to rise, they needed a new leader, and I stepped up to the job. Now, because of my amazing leadership skills, it's stronger than ever and, recruited its first ever girl.” he smirked, his ugly face contorting into an evil grin.

“Years ago? Wait, what year is it? How long have I been asleep?”

“It’s way past 1942, you're in the year of 2016, girl.”

“You could say that your ‘out of your time!’” chuckled the old doctor.

“Would you shut up?!” yelled Aldemar.

I can’t believe it. It’s not 1942? What happened to my family, and friends, and most of all, my life? I didn’t hold back my tears anymore. I let myself cry for all the time and love I lost. This is the reason I hate surprises. I like for sure things. Know what is going to happen today, and tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

“Don’t cry, little baby girl. That’s what you are, a baby. I hope I can train you to be strong without too much effort.” said Aldemar

I was in no mood to contradict him at the moment. So I took a deep breath and stood there silently. I will mourn the losses later. I turned back to the metal armed man, and his eyes looked a little glassy as well. Was he crying for my loss? Or was he reflecting his own memories? My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor’s raspy voice.

“I’m Dr. Eldwin Bauer.” The doctor said to try to break the silence. “I took the place of deceased Dr. Zola, who took care of all the experiments. Nice to meet you Miss…?”

I hated introductions, but I knew I had to address the doctor. “Um… I’m Elizabeth, Elizabeth Baker.”

“Nice to meet you Miss Baker!”

“What is with these nice introductions? We are HYDRA for God’s sake!” yelled Aldemar. What an uptight man. At least someone here is trying to be nice.

“Sorry, sir.” mumbled Dr. Bauer.

“To skip lengthy intros, this is the Winter Soldier,” Aldemar said while pointing to the man with the beautiful eyes. “He is the most lethal and powerful HYDRA agent we have trained. I hope you can try to come close to his par. He will be your roommate. I know you won’t have any issue with the sort.”

I looked at the man who has now been classified as the Winter Soldier. When I met his eyes, he looked down at his feet. For a warrior so lethal, he seemed humble, even timid. But then I remembered the matter at hand. I was to room with a male? Shouldn’t I have my own room?

“Excuse me, um, Mr. Aldemar, shouldn’t I room alone? No disrespect, but, he is a man so…”

“You will follow my orders! What I say goes Miss Baker! You will room with him, and have no question about it!” bellowed Mr. Aldemar.

I submitted to his horrid will and replied like Dr. Bauer with a quiet, “Yessir.”

“Better. Handcuff her Doctor Bauer, and take her to her new home.” Aldemar laughed deeply, and it echo off the labs stone walls.

“Yessir.” the doctor replied as he reached for metal handcuff that laid on the brown wooden table. He untied my bounds, and I slid down the upright facing board, shaking my legs and arms free, to then just be bound again by the cool and confining cuffs with a sharp and restricting click.

I took this moment to take a look at my surroundings. Half the room had dusty, windows that looked outside to a blue sky and rocky mountains. In front of the window, was a circular desk with a huge chair taller than I was. The room was also circular, and it looked like we were lodged into a mountain. There were 5 other containers like mine, maybe holding other specimens or empty, I’m not sure. There were little screens in front of the containers, probably there to show the vital signs and things of that sort. Many different colored cords, black, red, yellow, blue, and green, were streaming from each of the containers and connected to a small, stand-up pedestal that was the control panel, which was covered with different switches and knobs. The rest of the huge room was mostly bare besides the many different things piled up on a table, including gun looking things, handcuffs that were similar to mine, ammunition, and other things of that sort.

The doctor gently nudged me towards the huge and tall black door as the Winter Soldier followed like a bodyguard. Aldemar turned his back on us and walked over to his tall, black chair and his desk facing the foggy windows.

I turned back toward the door and the onward marching Soldier. He put his nonmetal hand on the scanner beside the door and a mechanical voice responded with, “Winter Soldier, access granted.” Technology sure did change in the last 74 years. Wait, I was born in 1923, so that means I’m 92 years old? Do I look it? I looked down at my bare feet, since my hands were currently cuffed behind my back. They didn’t have an endless amount of wrinkles, and my veins weren’t visible through my skin, so that metal tube conserved my age, at least on the outward appearance. How delightful.

We walked through the door and took a left down the hall. The walls were a dark black and shiny, not like the walls in the lab, so were the floors. As we walked, I stepped in a pool of dried stickiness. In a place like HYDRA, it is probably blood. I guess the color of the walls and floor served their purpose: to mask the dried pools of blood. Hopefully some of mine won’t rest on these floors.

As we continued down the hall, I noticed there were more doors on either side, also with markings of odd and even numbers. Even on the right, and odd on the left. What was unusual, was that they didn’t start with one, they started with 126. As we continued down the endless hall, I noticed the numbers were getting smaller and smaller. At last, we reached a dead end and on the right side it showed number one. We came to a slow stop and I realized: better the agent or soldier, lower the number. It made sense in a weird way.

Winter reached in one of his many pockets on his pants and pulled out an old-fashioned key. At least some things haven’t changed. He twisted the key in the door knob and opened the door. As I peeked in the room, I saw that the Winter Soldier was quite tidy. There were two bunk beds on the right side of the room, and a closet on the left. On the far wall was a door to probably the bathroom. It was a quaint little room with mostly all the necessities except some decoration. I guess that is not allowed here in HYDRA.

Dr. Bauer broke the silence and said, “You're on the bottom bunk Miss. Make yourself at home in your new life!” Winter walked into the room and opened the bathroom door and went in. Dr. Bauer smiled and backed out of the room and closed the door quietly.

New life. I have a new life in HYDRA, going to be trained as an agent, and roommating with a guy. Yippee. 





I hope you guys liked the 2nd Chapter of my story. If you haven’t watched any of the Marvel movies, specifically Captain America, you can look up the names Winter Soldier, Johann Schmidt and Dr. Zola, since they were mentioned in this chapter. I would suggest putting the name in the search bar and ending it with ‘Captain America’ to get more accurate results. Please review and like, it would be so much appreciated! 

Comments & reviews · 2

User avatar
Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2016

Hey horseswrite, welcome to the Young Writers Society! Before I comment on anything else, I'll just mention the nitpicks I found as I read through.

“No, but your are a little British girl!”
Your should instead be written as you're.

“Don’t cry little baby girl. That’s what you are a baby. I hope I can train you to be strong without too much efforts.” said Aldemar.
This sentence needs a little more punctuation to make it flow better. There should be a comma between cry and little. Also after are and before a baby. Effort doesn't need to be plural, either. These are little things, but an extra breath here and there will make their speech sound natural and less forced.

I guess the color of the walls and floor served there purpose: to mask the dried pools of blood.
Since we're talking about ownership, there should say their.

I looked at the man who has now been classified as the Winter Soldier.
I noticed a few times in the chapter where you switched between past and present tense. You may want to read through once more and just check that everything flows nicely and the tenses don't conflict. For example, the above sentence should read: I looked at the man who had now been classified as the Winter Soldier.

Okay, now let's go to the positives. Your characterisation is pretty amazing. Though I have not read chapter one, I didn't feel like a stranger to the characters. (And I don't mean I know a lot about Captain America, I know basically nothing). You didn't force a lot of information, but you told me what was necessary to the story; even some background information about her life in the twentieth century. The contrasting between the Johann Schmidt and Dr Zola was also great; one came across as quite a cruel character and the other kind and understanding.

I'd also like to mention your dialogue. Apart from the few nitpicks I mentioned earlier, your dialogue was very enjoyable to read. You obviously know the characters well, and that came across in your writing. :)

The descriptions of the physical setting in the second half of this chapter were spot on. Not too much, not too little. But I felt it was lacking in the first half. It seemed more like a radio show (where I can imagine the different areas as I wish) than a story with a specific locations. Just a paragraph at the beginning of the chapter explaining what she sees would be great.

So, overall, I thought this was a great chapter! I hope you continue writing it. :D

User avatar
Zee6
Review
Zee6 wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2016

Hey,
So first things first you have so much potential! I can see you really enjoy writing and you remind me of myself when I was your age. But when there is potential there is much room for improvement.

Um the first thing I have to suggest is when the main character (unsure of her name) is thinking something usually you would use italics but sense it's being used for another propose maybe bold the words or put them in parentheses.

The second thing I have to add is when there is dialogue try to make the sentences flow better. Use more commas and other things like that to give a better feel. Make it sound like a real conversation. By no means are you bad at flow but I would work on it and improve it.

Your characters are very well defined in the sense that they have their own personalities which is very good. The main character i would suggest describing her outward emotions more so the reader can see what the supporting characters would be seeing as well as her own thoughts.

On the note of description, Use more of it. There is some in here and what I do see is great but more more and more! You want the reader to picture everything easily. This includes the setting, characters, and even the protagonist herself.

I think it's very quirky that you have her bunking with The Winter Soldier, it was a funny touch. I really can't think of much else besides make sure to edit like crazy to fix any grammar errors (though I didn't really see any). It was great and keep writing. Let me know when you post anything else I would be interested to read. For that last thing I have to say is everything here I have said is just a suggestion and if I offended you please let me know and I will differently fix it. Have a great day.
-Zee

Thanks so much! I always like ideas from other writer and I will make the changes. The thing is is that sometimes in my story they will be speaking Russian, and to show that, it would be in italics. So, should I under line it? Please advise, and thanks so much for the review!

Horseswrite

Zee6 replied · Jun 26, 2016

Yeah I think underlining would be a great idea. I would do that. Oh and your welcome. :)



We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart