Dear Diary, I’m just so hungry
I had nothing to eat today
A drop of water for breakfast
Then I began to work away
Dear Diary, mummy is sick
Daddy has left in a mood
My sister’s stopped talking at all
And I still haven’t got any food
Dear Diary, a bomb went off,
Right in the middle of school
It killed seven people, including my friend,
And now we can’t go there at all
Dear Diary, two trucks came today,
So from inside my window I peered
They took everyone healthy they could possibly find
And now there's hardly anyone left here
Dear Diary, mummy is dead,
I haven’t seen daddy for days
My sister’s been taken by white men in vans
And I feel myself starting to fade
Dear Diary, I’m all alone
I can’t move my body or head,
I’m lying here helpless on the cold stone floor
And in a few hours I’ll be dead
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like it being specific. "Some people" is too vague and it doesn't sound realistic.
Very interesting poem. It sounds very innocent, which leads us to be more sympathetic. IU just wish that it didn't end so suddenly.
Wow, this was a very stark poem...It really caught my attention. The 'Dear Diary' start to each stanza was nice, and sort of brought it into context a bit more.
Good job
I love the idea of starting each stanza with 'Dear Diary'. Overall i liked your poem, my favourite were the first two stanzas.
I agree with Ladydark that it would sound better if you said my head, it would flow better.nice poem, sad, but prettiful...
Dear Diary, a bomb went off,
Right in the middle of school
It killed seven people, including my friend,
And now we can’t go there at all
hmm, suggestion, don't specify the number of people. It killed some people, including my friend , would most likely be better, but thats just me.
Dear Diary, I’m all alone
I can’t move my body or head,
I’m lying here helpless on the cold stone floor
And in a few hours I’ll be dead
hmm, if ye want this to continue a tone, perhaps you could said, I can't move my body, or my head, could be just me, but I think it'll flow a bit better, don't have to be soo descriptive, dont' reallly need the stone, cold floor is good... and at the end... And in a few hours, I know I'll be dead.
course, I could be wrong, its just me... I am Not that good at poems, but I'm not the worst, but perhaps someone else could help out....