Someday

Hey Hermione! I'm here for the big review contest!

I love lyrics! I love reading them and writing them, and it's been a long time since I've reviewed them so I'm quite excited

I'll start off with some general thoughts I had after I read it through once.

1. The story. So this is not a new idea - writing about being afraid to tell someone you love them. There are lots and lots and lots of songs about this (for good reason). That being said, I thought you did a really nice job making it your own. I'm not sure what style you're going for here (which to me doesn't really matter), but it reminded me of a country song simply for the story you tell. It was clear. There was a beginning, middle, and end, and every stanza I was surprised about what happened. I wasn't expecting it to end the way it did, but that's good. If you can predict exactly where a lyric is going or how it's going to end, it's a little boring am I right?

2. Your stylistic choice. I love that you left things uncapitalized. I don't understand why people get all up in arms about perfect spelling and grammar and punctuation in lyrics. Lyrics are like poetry. You write it how you feel it. So I think it's cool you wrote it that way.

So on with the nitpicks!

we used to meet on thirty-first street
for cherry cokes and a bite to eat;
it was there that i first fell for you
in that cracked and faded leather booth.

i’d scour my brain for something funny to say
but my thoughts were trapped in a blissful haze.
oh how i’d do anything to hear your laugh again
that left me dumbstruck, in a daze.

i left without telling you those days.
they were twenty years ago.

somehow, someday i’ll find a way
to say all the things I didn’t say. x2

when we met next, we'd both finished school,
grown adults living under our own rule,
in a different college you’d met a girl,
you told me how she was your whole world.

i was much too shocked to cry.
i congratulated you and we said good bye.
you were to be married in ten days;
in ten days i would surely die.

since then ten years have flown right by
and i regret not telling you that day.

verse 3:
i went alone to our diner on thirty-first street
and slid into our booth for a quick bite to eat.
cold slapped me in the face when you walked through the door
but when you sat down beside me, it was much too warm.

i racked my brain for something clever to say
but all that squeaked out was a meager “hey,”
then we talked about life and about your wife
who had recently passed away.

i left without telling you that day.
that was a week ago.

bridge:
last morning’s paper showed a tragic story
of how a semi hit and killed a man in his forties.
it showed a picture of the totaled car;
i pray to God, asking how you are.

i could never find a way.
i’m sorry that I didn’t say…
i swore somehow I’d think of a way,
someday…

His hermione!

I like the story line. It was a ride through different phases and I didn't expect it, and your imagery really helped emphasize that. I certainly didn't expect the ending either. XD But I certainly enjoyed the impact. Nice job.

On another note, I really like your writing style... Mostly because the way you choose your words strays away from the cliché, and yet, you don't have to get fancy-incomprehensible with your vocabulary to get your message across. This is great, and I believe it is also your gift. However, if you want me to get picky, I will mention that I found two lines that are the exception.

Since then ten years have flown right by
and i regret not telling you that day.

Oh woah. This is beautiful. I love the story. So many songs don't have this storyline anymore and I really appreciate what you have done with this.

The story is beautifully tragic. Telling the story of a love that could have been but never did. The regret she feels is very strong and I feel pity for her. This is good. I am glad you wrote it and I had the chance to read it because it is truly something special.

I also, would like to hear this with a tune and everything with music. I made up a little tune while reading it and it would be nice to know what it is supposed to sound like.

The lyrics hurt. Probably because of how real this could be for someone.

Thank.you immensely for sharing this.
I look forward to reading and reviewing more from you.
Continue Writing!
-Cody

That was really nice hermione. Usually I would never review lyrical pieces and to be honest I wouldn't have reviewed this one. But then I clicked into it and started reading.

By the time I'd realized it was a song I was already dragged into the story. I really like that in music, when a song actually tells a real, relatable story and I think this is a perfect example. You have the love, you have the grief, you have heart warming and heart breaking all mashed together in a perfect blend. I like the lack of punctuation, adds a unique touch.

I guess the best thing about this is that it was original, not some regurgitated mess with clichés decorating every second line. So my first advice - although I've only attempted to write lyrics twice - is to keep writing WITH THE INTENT of making an impact with every song. I've seen too many songs - I have a lot of musician friends - that are just the same thing over and over, many times not even said in a different way. These were written with the enjoyment of feeling artistic, but yours was written artistically with the enjoyment of telling a story. It's nice to see some real heartfelt story-telling. Thanks for the opportunity to read it, if you do put music to it I'll expect a YouTube link or something! Also, the way you can fit the lifespan of an entire romance into such a short piece is remarkable. I know how hard that is to do - I've difficultly overcome that challenge before, and it takes a lot of really sentimental build-up, like 'their' booth and 'their' diner. The way you said it was faded, like that didn't matter to them, nothing did, as long as they had each other. Very well written, thanks again!

Yours in ink,
TS.