American Airlines Flight 11
Departure 7:59 AM EST
United Airlines Flight 175
Departure 8:14 AM EST
American Airlines Flight 77
Departure 8:20 AM EST
United Airlines Flight 93
Departure 8:42 AM EST
8:49 AM EST
9:06 AM EST
9:59 AM EST
10:26 AM EST
Shock
Horror
Grief
Disbelief
2,996 lives
343 Firefighters
60 Police officers
8 EMTS
8 children
1 unborn baby
2 Towers
A Pentagon
A field in Pennsylvania
A world forever changed
An event never forgotten
9/11/01
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
This is a really interesting poem formatting that I haven't come across before - you just write a list? I like how this came out. It conveys more and more of the story as you get to the end, and then reading the date "9/11/01" packs a punch, because these are much more than just numbers in the end.
I guess if I'd change anything, it would maybe be to reduce some of the flight information at the beginning, or maybe change the flight numbers to types of aircrafts, just because it might convey more to the reader. And you want to avoid readers getting the first 4 lines, and not "understanding" so not getting to read the rest of the poem. Poem's are like novels in that they still need a good "hook" - I think that the title might do that for this poem, but you also want to be careful about discouraging lazy readers.
Overall though, I can't critique much - I like how it got more intense in the list as the poem went on. Some intersperses of imagery might make the poem even stronger as well. But I don't know if that's allowed in this poetic form.
Is there a poem that you modeled this after? Or a formal formatting that it takes? I'm curious because I'd like to try my own, but am not sure if there are certain rules.
I like this! Always enjoy learning new poetry styles.
-alliyah
Hi alliyah! Thanks for reviewing and for your suggestions. I may put instead of departure time the number of people on the planes. The poem type is called a catalogue poem where you just list stuff while conveying a story. I just learned about it recently in my Creative Writing class and thought I'd give it a shot. Thanks again for your review! -hermione
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this poem. And how approperate to post it... I appreciated the simplistic style that you used. Everyone was shocked......I do have a few suggestions for you. Instead of saying " A Pentagon" I would say The Pentagon. Just because that feels more natural and it clicks with the reader in a more natural way. I would also put Horror before shock, but that is more of a preferance thing...
Well done,
Anne
I Really like this poem, however the part in the beginning is a bit confusing to me. I understand all of it, it just sounds awkward when you read it aloud. Also I believe that in the middle putting disbelief before grief would sound better. Since the people there were left in disbelief when it happened and left with grief for the rest of their life. Anywho, I like the simplicity of the poem, the fact that you haven't tried to add adjectives or try to make it woedy really adds to the point of the somber-ness of this tragic day. Over all very well done I like it.