Hitchin up her dress of lace,
Lipstick blood smeared on her face.
Hair like straw, backcombed to shit,
Black eye, swelled, like she took some hit.
Staggerin, oh staggerin, like a banshee on the prowl,
Stick the dagger in, oh the dagger in, cos you know she’ll run afoul.
Oh, Annie May, how d’you get like this?
From a childhood, satisfied with bliss.
Yeah, I knew you were one to get in a fight,
But why you lingerin neath that red light?
Toothy smiles between parted lips,
Outstretched hand, beggin filthy tips.
Eyes like gold, now gaunt and dead,
Lifeless now, like they always said.
Whimperin, oh whimperin, like a mourner by the grave,
They’re simperin, oh just simperin, cos they won’t let you deprave.
Oh, Annie May, how d’you end up here?
When that little girl was so sincere?
Yeah, I get that you had troubles of your own,
But take a look at the seeds you've sown.
Oh, Annie.
Pretty little Annie.
Looks like you’ve screwed things up, just bit by bit.
Annie, Annie.
Sweet, lovely, Annie.
Good job digging that hole, you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I'd love to be able to admit that I called this Annie May because of your reason, but nope! It's about a friend called Annie May and this is where I see her life going- I didn't even realise it was anime, as I actually know nothing about it!
x
Um... I really have no comment about how you have written this because the imagery is quite good and there's really nothing much to complain about (plus I'm not in the mood to complain), but, the title is what really drew me in. Why? My reason is really hard to explain, and it's awkward, but if you really want to know why...
...Annie May = Anime
My friend uses "Annie May" as her username in some other site because it's a clever disguise, rather, inside joke, for the word 'Anime' itself, a hobby/obsession which she loves more than anything.
I will come back here tomorrow to do a proper review, but for now, please excuse my laziness...
See you~
+ Katie
I thought this was really good.
Good subject matter, nice rhyming (it didn't seem to forced or overdone), and nice job with the overall feeling and message of the song.
The first stanza was really good. It had great imagery and I felt it started off the song really well.
It had good rhythm but in a couple spots I felt it sort of get off and I couldn't really feel the rhythm anymore.
I think if you break it up some it will flow better
Because these two lines are with really short ones, it's hard to feel the rhythm. Maybe try to break them up or rephrase them so they fit in with the shorter lines better.
Nice job
-Carly