Published March 1, 2005
The Start of Things
Miranda wasn’t surprised when the ghost that lived in her garage finally spoke to her, she had suspected it would ever since she figured out that their was a ghost living in her garage. Nope, it didn’t surprise her at all; it’s what it said that surprised her.
Think of something a ghost would say to you, “Boo!” maybe? No this ghost didn’t say that, “Get out of here this is my house!” some ghosts say that, but not this one. There are millions of things a ghost could say to you, but this one said the last thing you’d ever think of; “I’m not dead”
Miranda didn’t sleep that night, it bothered her that not only WAS their a ghost in her garage, it spoke to her AND said that it wasn’t dead! AND left has soon as had finished; so Miranda couldn’t ask him any of the many questions that circled in her head, like, “Then what are you?” “Is every ghost not dead?” “Why are you telling me this?” But nothing was there to respond, just the stale, cold wind.
“Huh” Miranda let out long deep sigh, “What does this mean?” she said quietly to herself. “What does it mean?” This time she turned her head to the window and stared at the moon. “Of all the things he or she…. Eggg! I don’t even that much about…. It! Eggg!” Miranda banged her head against her headboard, then of course regretted doing so which made her even angrier, about her head throbbing and that she was stupid enough to bang it against her headboard in the first place.
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...this is an interesting little premise to be starting off with. Its not the sort of thing that you tend to see too often, although the whole ghost scenario is perhaps not a 100% as unique as it could be. Either way though, I think there is enough of a mystery there with what is a pretty simple statement to get our attention quite nicely here I think and I believe a pretty solid job has been done here in terms of that. There's also an odd sort of slightly whimsical nature to this start here and I like the effect that it manages to create here.
Alright...well that's certainly a decent little breakdown of reactions here. It does certainly take you a bit by surprise there in terms of what it manages to do and I think you're creating a nice little personality for our character at the same time. There's definitely a good element of mystery added with those particular questions you've chosen. Its a nice sort of direction to take there by focusing on a bit on confusion and curiosity more than the fear this sort of thing is usually painted in. Overall, a pretty solid start here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heyyy!! Forever here with a review!!!
Characters:Miranda and the ghost. Miranda seems to be a very courageous person, enough courageous to face a ghost and well, not to abandon the place even after knowing there's a ghost. Like, who can imagine oneself talking to a ghost. And now the Ghost, is the ghost even a ghost? I mean is the ghost a typical ghost or she had assumed whatever lived in her garage to be a ghost. Maybe it was something else, some fictional character or a creature, everything is possible in fantasy.
Plot:We have a quite interesting plot here. You could title it as "Living Ghost". I guess that suits quite well. There are a few things which I want to know. How did Miranda figure out that there was a ghost in her Garage? What was her first reaction? And what is this eggggg? I couldn't understand that. Is it something that she yearns? Needs a bit clarification on that topic.... Or.... Is it an effect of the ghost? I mean did the ghost do anything to her for which she is doing all these? And she looks depressed, hm.... A lot of emotions.
Pacing: It was quite decent. I think it was great for the story and fit it perfectly. Good job with that.
Setting:It wasn't there. I could barely see one or two descriptions, other than that, total blank. You should give some descriptions here and there to make the story more lively. When you are talking about the ghost, describe the ghost. Then she is banging her head, desceibe her hair.
Overall, it was pretty funny. It just needs some improvement, that's it. I wonder if you meant it to be funny but perhaps you did. It was rare because the ghost story is rarely funny. I think you should continue this and extend it a bit more. This feels like the beginning of something.
Keep Writing!
~Forever
one thing she's not saying 'egg' she's saying 'ehh' I guess you could say, but I wanted it to be more rough.
This seriously did make me laugh...here's what I got from it.
So, there's this girl who's majorly freaked out because she's been having conversations with a ghost in her garage. Later that night, she can't sleep, only sits there, banging her head against the wall and moaning something about eggs, which she wants/likes.
If that's not the effect you were going for, then I suggest you revise, woman! If it was meant for humor, then leave it as it is lol.
um, well, its sopposed to be like 'egg' and 'ehh' combined so I didn't really know what to put. Any suggestions would greatly appreciated!
name it "im not dead"
strangely entertaining....I do think you should separate it into paragraphs between speakers...it makes for an easier read in the long run.
IS this story supposed to be funny, or a horror? well, it certainly made me laugh
ok, well, er, what exactly is egggg supposed to sound like, just put it how its pronounced (only for onimatopeas, is that even spelt right?) ok back to your story, you should write more.
~~Shadow~Knight~~