z

Young Writers Society



wait up, guys!

by heath


"hey, best friend! wait up!"

wait

up!

i guess you didn't hear me the

first time,

secondthird

time.

"you guys can go on without me!"

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Points: 389
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:52 pm
popsicles says...



Friends are important in our lives and when they don't listen I don't think we can not call them our friends, from friends we can learn to accept, to move on and to rememeber.
I know a goodbye is sometimes hard, but it can also lead us to new ways. If friends don't listen I think they have a good reason for that. Maybe they run away and comeback, but maybe not.
If they comeback, we are happy, if they aren't come back, we are sad and disapointment. I know that, friendship in Life is very important, without friends, there's NO life ;-)

This is a nice written poem, it looks like lyrics....

Love: Bree.




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Fri Aug 19, 2016 3:26 am
arcanedreams wrote a review...



Hey, me here for a short review!

I found this extremely relatable, especially to my life here lately. I like the "I guess you didn't hear me" because it basically says that the person knows they're being ignored or outcasted, yet they're so faithful to their "best friend" they don't want to believe that they'd do something like that. The "go on without me at the end" really seemed to be kind of that point where this person has basically has basically given up on trying to catch up to their so called "best friend". And this giving up is also basically the beginning of letting them go. I really liked this piece a lot.

Keep up the good work!




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Wed Aug 17, 2016 4:38 pm
5kKitty says...



Hola, heath!

This was so relatable! I'm sure this has happened to literally everyone one time or another. There should be a space in between second and third and a comma after second but other than that this was perfect! Keep writing and I hope you enjoy your day!




heath says...


thank you! i'll go and edit that part for the comma, but the "secondthird" is a little something i put in to indicate the passage of time, like a fast forward.



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Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:44 am
acm wrote a review...



Hi heath, acm here for a short review!
First, I'd like to say that I liked this poem, even though short poem usually aren't my thing. It had meaning to it, like someone being left behind at the same place they were while their friends go along to achieve great things without looking back. The only thing I saw was in the second line of the second stanza:

first time
secondthird
time.

You need a space between the words. I would also put a comma at the end of the first line and after the word second. Other than that, though, I didn't catch anything else. Great work!




heath says...


yeah, i usually let myself capitalize things that don't make sense, erase spaces, say "goodbye" to the normal capitalization rules when i'm writing poetry. but, wow, i definitely did not catch that i needed a comma after "first time". thank you for seeing that. and "secondthird" is a weird way to show the passage of time. like in a movie, you can hear the dialogue normally without music, but then in "secondthird" the music swells so that their shouting "wait up!" is obscured. thank you for your review!



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Mon Aug 15, 2016 8:10 pm
dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Hey Dogs here to review!

First off I really like your poem and I totally understand the concept and feeling.

I have a couple of nitpicks, but after that we will get into the good part of my review!

Nitpicks:

1)

first time

secondthird

time.


So I noticed a couple of things wrong with this part of the poem

A: Second and third should be spaced, not all one word. Just a simple typing error.

B: I think you should add a word time after the word "second" because it makes more sense to me. That's just a suggestion, but I think it sounds better that way. (It's probably just me.)

2) You have to work on capitalization. You need to capitalize the I when you say "I guess you didn't hear me the..."

You also need to capitalize the "you' when you say "you guys go on without me"

You also need to capitalize "hey" in the first line of the poem, because it's the beginning of the sentence.

That's about it for nitpicks

Now on to the good part of the review!

I know how it feels when you are behind, and your friends don't notice you because they are too busy in their little world.

Anyway this poem was very good, and emotional. I really like it!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs




heath says...


yeah.... i have a weird style of writing things when i'm typing casually online, that lack of capitalization even for proper nouns ( i usually only capitalize things that are super duper important or spell check succeeds ). i played around with only writing "second" time, but it just didn't feel like the "best friend" character was really ignoring the protagonist of the poem. "secondthird" was just a funny little blip, stuff i like to add in poems to signal a small passage of time. but thank you! i'm glad you could get my meaning.



dogsrule5 says...


Alright, thanks for explaining all of that to me. Anyway I really enjoyed your poem!

~Dogs




Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li