Everywhere I looked I saw destruction. I saw physical destruction as people around me ran in chaos. Mental destruction as I saw my friends breakdown. I saw sadness as the truth struck them. I saw heartbreak as rejection hit the in the face. I saw pain as their blood flowed from their open wounds. I saw their agony as they felt the knives twist in their backs. I saw betrayal in their eyes as they turned to me and realisation feel upon them.
I took a step back as they turned to me. For every step they took towards me, I took one away from them. I realised that one step at a time wasn't going to be nearly enough. I whirled around and ran to the closest exit and s I ran, I saw it grow smaller until the door vanished to be replaced by a white wall that I slammed into.
I turned to face them, just in time to feel the first one of them touch me. I felt her sadness leave her and enter me as her truth became mine, and when all her sadness was gone, she left, making it my sadness.
The rejection came next as I felt their heartaches become mine and they walked away. I felt my fresh pink scars open again as fresh blood flowed down my arms and thighs, tracing the same pattern it did everytime. I felt the knives plunge into me and then twist as those who had been backstabbed, walked away, their hurt gone.
I feel to my knees and broke down as the mental destruction swept over and turned into physical destruction. Clothes all torn and bloody, blotchy skin, shaky bones and a throbbing heart, I curled into the floor and suffered through my destruction, as it slowly destroyed me.
Moments later I woke up again, healed and healthy. I opened my eyes and had my moment of blissful oblivion until reality struck me again.
Once again I saw it all in the others; the pain, the heartbreak, the agony and the betrayal as they once again began moving towards me.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hey harshita3chaarag! HalfBloodCheetah here for a review for you!
As I dove in I liked what I saw in the first paragraph. A step by step breakdown of what was going on. From the physical destruction, to mental destruction, Sadness, regection, pain, agony, and finally betrayal. (There was one little tiny error I noticed but I will get to that later.) And then... The tables turn and the narrator is the one betrayed and feels the exact same pain and hurt everyone else did. It was like a boomerang he never wanted to come back but it did. (Omigosh... I am getting feels!)
And if that weren't enough... I begins AGAIN!
This story was Amazing! A real feel-jerker! I had to fight the urge to cry. it was really that sad! I just have a question, What led to the beginning?
One small error I noticed was a omission of a letter that changed the intended meaning of the word... (Probably just a slip of the keyboard)
"I saw sadness as the truth struck them. I saw heartbreak as rejection hit the in the face"
I think you may have met them.
And I also saw an "s" Just out in the middle of a sentence (Again, slip of the keyboard. Totally understandable.)
Great job! Would love to read more from you! Let me know when you post another!
Hi there, harshita3chaarag! RagingLive here to review!!
First of all - Wow. That's all I can really say. This is just wow material.
I could feel everything that the narrator was describing, but not only that, I could see it. You are a wonderful writer and I can't wait to get into this review!!
Here, the wording isn't really correct. When referencing a breakdown in the way that you are here you need to make it into a possessive (I think that's the right word but give me a break, it's been summertime for a few months and my brain has been relaxing!)
Let me show you what I mean. You have two options in keeping the word 'breakdown' as you have it now:
"Mental destruction as I saw my friend's breakdown."
"Mental destruction as I saw my friends' breakdown."
#1 is if you are talking about one friend, #2 for if it's about two or more friends. Or, we could take this route and split 'breakdown' into two words.
"Mental destruction as I saw my friends break down."
I think you meant to say 'them' where I have it bolded.
I think that the 's' was meant to be 'as.'
This sentence doesn't make a lot of sense so I'm going to try and rephrase it for you:
"Clothes all torn and with bloody, blotchy skin, with shaky bones and a throbbing heart, I curled into the floor and suffered through my destruction as it slowly destroyed me."
I have reached the end of your short and of my review and may I just say bravo as this was a truly moving piece. If this was a sample of your work then I hope I get to see more of it in the future!
So for now, keep writing and keep on smiling!!
~RagingLive
This is an amazing story. It's more than a simple listing of events-It's full of metaphors. When I started to read it I knew that it described me. It just leaves me speechless. You're an amazing writer. Even though I know a good review should have some criticism in it, I can't think of anything that you need to work on. Keep up the great work-Although I doubt you'll have any trouble doing that.
Oh, my God! This is absolutely fantastic. You have realistically described the nature of a kind person and done a marvellous job at it! You tried to portray that they do whatever they can to help people around them. They take everything in, share those people's pain and sorrows, but are blamed and held responsible when things go wrong. Eventually, they find themselves tired of all the nonsense and break down; though, not for long. Once again, they stand up and reach out to help and support. It’s a repetitive, never-ending, and destructive cycle, in which they are the ones who remain truly hurt. This shows the emotionally strong character of such people. What a heart touching and inspiring story (in a sense)! You have done a great job. I have nothing else to say except well done, and keep writing!