Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
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Being hellbound is a special sort of experience.
There are days when being chosen feels inevitable. I have survived; I am chosen. If God did not want me here, then I would simply cease to exist. I find solace and comfort in knowing one day, suffering will be over, and I will be at peace.
Those moments usually last mere seconds.
As I have found sometimes, forgiveness is an unobtainable goal. Why would I be forgiven when I do not seek to change? Once this thought enters my mind, I go back to rotting in selfishness and pride. I remember I will get the punishment I deserve.
And that is my peace.
***
I had never fallen in love before, except once.
The online world is a dangerous place of kidnappers and old men when used incorrectly. I, desperate for some attention, went online in search of someone I could get a quick high from and ditch within a week. What I didn't expect to find was my soulmate.
He had me break up with my bad boyfriend. He encouraged me to be better. We joked all the time, and I told him my darkest secrets. He was kind. He was loving. He was unable to be helped- who could he turn to in a world filled with liars and fights on every corner?
He turned to me.
I poured my soul into him, and he became my foundation. He was my reason to be kind, and good, and gentle. He is my reason to joke around when things hurt, and how I learned to speak freely about what I felt. He was the only one I kept promises for. We were going to travel in Italy together, and I was going to hold him until we both withered away into ash.
He got a girlfriend.
***
Drama was not something I was accustomed to when I was good. I was sweet to my friends and obedient to my parents. But I quickly learned that years of being molded into a candy would make it easier to hide how sour I tasted, when all anyone knew was sweet.
Abandonment led to depression, and depression led to desperation. And desperation led to tens of hundreds of people I strived and failed to turn away. Who would turn away love when it comes on a silver platter?
Perhaps someone who realized that true love came on a platter of gold.
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
Hello! I am here to review your work today. I will be doing a particularly long one (no reason, I just need the points), so enjoy this review I made!
This artwork of yours just feels heartbreaking. It's sad, and powerful at the same time.From how the character acted, it was like she had already thrown her life away. And just when she found love, it was stolen from her, when she needed it the most. The shifts between the sections create a sense of emotional uncertainty — from the almost resigned acceptance of damnation, to the hope and devastation of love, and finally to the bitter aftermath.
The contrast between silver and gold platters as metaphors for different types of love is subtle yet powerful. The idea of being "molded into candy" is another striking image; something meant to be sweet, hiding the sour reality underneath.
Suggestions for Improvement:
The section about the soulmate is compelling but could benefit from more sensory detail. As in, what exactly made him feel like a soulmate? Adding specific moments or dialogue would make the emotional connection more reasonable.
Also, the last line about "true love came on a platter of gold" is striking, but it could hit harder with a brief reflection or emotional punch afterward — something that leaves the reader sitting with the weight of the revelation.
This piece already holds a lot of emotional weight and vulnerability. With a bit of refining, it could become even more impactful. Thank you for reading this review, have a good day, and cheers!
Hi gruzinkerbell!
Leaving the worst person eventually brought me to man who simply is too good to be true, and I feel lucky to be his every single day.
Good job. I wish you nothing but the best
Something about this piece caught my eye, and I had gone through something similar before, and a piece as beautiful as this serves as a bittersweet reminder that i'm never alone in my personal experiences. Sometimes the people we find ourselves with simply serve a purpose of teaching you a viable lesson and go away for the better. Dating as I say, is all about trial and error, and although it's not easy, you simply must keep trying until you find your person, and I promise you-- you will.
Regardless, this was beautifully written. Your words, your descriptions, they're excellent, and truly manage to connect with those who have experienced the same before. It serves as a testament to those journeys in life that are not always sunshine and rainbows, and perhaps soon in your future pieces, i'll see a poem about finding the light at the end of the tunnel, if you know what I mean
- Lizzy
This is very good!! Keep up the good work!
Hello grunzinerbell,
I like this creative nonfiction piece. Your use of scene work and imagery really sells the piece for me. The ending line ends the piece strong with that metaphor meant to drive the themes of your piece home. I would suggest expanding upon the piece and making it longer to really sell your worth of the piece. I liked your use of metaphors as much as I liked your use of them. Keep it up.