Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
Sixteen Summers
TW: 18+ | Slight Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language
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I was once naive
I bit the hand that feeds
Paid in blood
Trade who I love
For a lifelong debt
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PT 393, 2 Years Later, Dimension ???
“I’ll make an offer…” I said as I brought a briefcase to my side and unclipped it.
“In cash!”
The man in front of me stood with his jaw slacked open. There was thirty million yen I had just offered to take his business off his hands. There were tons of yakuza behind me, who were to act as workers.
“O-Of course! I’ll be set for life!”
“Don’t worry. There’s more where that came from.” I reminded him, as another suitcase was set on the ground with even more money inside.
Men poured into the small soup shop. Now under new management. By me and my team. I strolled back to my office, a small building wedged between two cabaret clubs. There was a large meeting table in the middle, with an office space in the corner. I was finally able to sit down. I took my coat off, and unwrapped my hand to reveal the stub where my pinky once was. I picked up a soda and a salad from my minifridge, and began to eat. I nearly spat out my soda when I noticed the figure in the corner of the room who had been stalking me. It was Kubota. He walked over to me haphazardly, took out a smoke and pulled up a chair to sit next to me.
Like usual, I stepped off my chair and got to one knee. I took a lighter from my pocket and lit his cigarette for him. I set a coaster down for him, took out a fancy, red-tinted glass cup and filled it up with soda. I picked a lime from the cooler and cracked it on the side of the drink.
“Anything else, Kubota-san?”
“Ya know why I’m here, Enzo-chan. Report on collections.”
“I just allied with Tora Soup Shop. It should cause lots of buzz in the area. Collections are going great. We just liquidated fifty million yen into our accounts.”
“You seem to be doing pretty good on the straight and narrow. Hironaka seems to be pleased with his new money laundering service. You’re damn good at your job, Enzo-chan.”
“Do you want me to answer you honestly?”
“What else would I expect?”
“I don’t know how people live like this. Runnin’ the straight and narrow my ass. I can tell you really like seeing how far you can go with this.”
“Hey, if Hironaka’s pleased, you’ll have to talk to him if you want to figure a way out of this situation.”
“What?” I stuttered. “I thought you made an oath that you’d get me out of this once I collected one-hundred million yen! You’re supposed to take oaths seriously.”
“Do ya know who you’re talking to? I’d watch your tone, considering where you were two years ago. Plus, you aren’t yakuza. You’ve been expelled. You’re a civilian.”
Those words hit like a ton of bricks. I clenched my fist farthest away from Kubota. Who only looked at me with a shit-eating grin. He could only leave with a couple words. Closing the door on me. I could only hear the sound of a jail door slamming shut. Kabukicho was once my home, but now it was my prison.
My sister was still alive, she was getting better! It was a little more bearable with her around. Kubota paid for her surgery anyway. But I could only see her on his dime. Otherwise I’d either be sleeping or working. But what the hell was I supposed to do? Later in the day, I stood next to Daisuke, who was pushing Emi on the swing. She liked it when he did it because he pushed her high.
“Ready Emi?”
“Ah! No!” She chirped.
Daisuke pushed her as hard as he could, hard enough that she looked like she was going to get wrapped around the top of the swingset. But all she could do was laugh as she swung back and forth. Everything was right, at the cost of my autonomy. I just wanted back into the yakuza, back into my normal life.
It was something I constantly grappled with. Provide for myself, or provide for Emi. I know it sounds horrible, I wanted to live my life for myself, but I couldn’t let anything happen to Emi. What the hell would I do if I lived for myself? I never have. I’m not sure if I would know what to do with myself. When I was young, I lived for my master, Easan. Then the yakuza. Kubota and Hironaka. The fuck do I care about, though? We are supposed to be shaped by our experiences, but I don’t feel anything here. I love my sister, and now Kubota is using my love of her against me. Now that my lives are intertwined, I just want to break free.
Ring ring! Ring ring!
My phone started going off. I picked it up to see an unknown number. I decided to answer out of curiosity. Maybe I’d be able to prank a scammer and make Emi laugh.
“Hello?” A voice I didn’t recognize said on the other side. “Is this Enzo Eclipse?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve called to inform you that your Father has died.”
“What? Uhm, thanks.”
“He left his will to you. I am calling to see if you’ve received it.”
“...No. I haven’t.”
“Do you live out of state? Perhaps it will take time to reach you.”
“That must be it. Thank you.”
We bid farewell and I hung up the phone. I sat down in one of the chairs next to some other miscellaneous parents. Watching Emi and Daisuke play. I never check my mail. So maybe I did get his will. To my knowledge, Emi and I were his only kids. I never expected him to leave a single cent to me. I knew maybe I should feel sad, or disappointed that he died. I didn’t care. He was a stranger to me. I practically gained consciousness when I was in Easan’s training camp. Daisuke sat next to me, realizing my head was in the clouds.
“Hey bro, something wrong?”
“Apparently my Father died.” I said coldly.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t even know him. But apparently he left his will to me.”
“Does that mean you have to go to America?”
“I guess so. I have no idea what he actually left to me. So hopefully I won’t have to fly all the way out. We all know that Kubota’s going to have his dogs go with me too.”
Daisuke put his hand on my shoulder and playfully shook me.
“It’s alright, man. It’s like an excuse to get a nice vacation. I can watch over Emi.”
“Thank you. Please make sure she’s okay, and that she’s taking her medicine.”
End of chapter
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139,197 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Enzo has one pinky cut off, he’s trapped working for Kubota, but at least Emi is okay! He still wishes that things were better than what they became, but then, he gets a call from someone about a will his father left? Well, maybe it will bring good changes!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like how you wrote Enzo’s emotions about the situation. Emi got her surgery paid for, but he still doesn’t want to feel trapped by Kubota. His inner conflict is described well with everything that’s going on. Also, that call was interesting too, because I didn’t know his father would want to leave a will to him!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fabulous chapter on how life can have both something wonderful and something not go great waiting in the corner. I hope that this will can help Enzo and Emi both live a better life, but I will have to read the other chapters to find out.
I wish you a glorious day/night! ^v^
Hello Again, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next [chapter/installment] in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
Alright, back into the story! I was afraid this would pick up right from some awful moment that would leave me cringing, but I am pleasantly surprised to see a bit of good news mixed in with the bad! This chapter of reflection, and Enzo trying to figure things out, really spoke to me, and I loved this exploration of his character. Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Great!! I really like the more casual pacing and slightly shorter length of this chapter, to balance that wild action in the prior. Likewise, you touched on every topic I was hoping to glean at this point in the story—what happened to Enzo, what happened to Emi, what they're doing now, where he stands with Kubota, Hironaka, and the Yakuza at large, and as a bonus, we get some more info about his father, and a new mission to a whole other country. Wonder how that will wind up!
Descriptions and Setting: Very nice! Great exposition, and the parts that really dig into Enzo's thoughts, particularly where he starts mentioning how he doesn't really know who *he* is outside of Easan/Emi/Yakuza...Oh man, loved that, so well-written.
Characterization: Well, as I just mentioned, Enzo starting to question who he is and what he believes is super interesting! I feel like it speaks to this unique sort of insecurity and vulnerability that we haven't fully seen in a DRU protagonist yet, and that's not only super cool to explore, but it also comes across as a very realistic struggle, relatable in a lot of ways. Plus, it makes that weaponization of these feelings, and his attachment to Emi, all the more devastating. And I am really enjoying that about Enzo's character thus far!
Likewise, shoutout to Daisuke!! It's so cool of him to help look out for Emi where Enzo is unable, you can tell he's such a good buddy (at least as far as I can tell lol).
Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? No complaints!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Nothing to put here this time! Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
As far as theories go, I have nothing right now, buuuut that could just be me having a slow day lol. Reactions and highlights, on the other hand...
Love this stanza as the intro, considering where we came from. And in hindsight, this captures the essence of the chapter, and Enzo's life at this point, so perfectly!
OOF—okay, okay...Part of me is saying this could've been worse (if only because I have consumed way too much gore-horror content XD), but still, they actually made him cut off his OWN finger?! Brutal...
Ooo, so even though Enzo is no longer considered a member of the Yakuza, he's still beholden to them? Man, that's rough! And the blatant disregard for an oath here, or his concerns about it being kept, really speak to how unseriously he's being taken by the likes of Kibota and other higher-ups.
OOO, devastating line!!
LOVED this entire section!! There's like this strange dichotomy of "aw that's so sweet," with Daisuke stepping up to take care of Emi, contrasted by "oh man, poor Enzo!" from the revelation of the bars the Yakuza have put up between them. UGH—I mean, at least she's okay, at least they paid for her surgery, but still, that is BRUTAL.
THIS was amazing, the revelation of what taking care of Emi has cost him, and how he has been robbed of any space to think for himself for pretty much his own life. I especially like this route you took with his character, because I feel like this is such a sadly relatable experience, to some degree. I mean, obviously not everyone is controlled by the Yakuza (LOL), but we do sometimes get pigeonholed by the weight of our responsibilities, or even just classic online echo chambers. We work, we emulate, we go through the motions (sometimes without even realizing), until the time comes to touch grass and then, well...suddenly you know a million things about other people, but what do you know about yourself?
Bleh—anyway, that's just me rambling at this point, take from it or ignore as you please XD
Ooo, man, a new mission to America, about an enigmatic father (and potentially mother too!), accompanied by some Yakuza...I wonder if anything will stem from this?? Hm...
MadThoughts...Overall, that was a great chapter with very solid exposition, nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
This was actually really good omg. I felt so bad for Enzo, like he’s literally stuck in this life he doesn’t even want anymore. That part where he said “What the hell would I do if I lived for myself?” hit way harder than I expected. It’s sad how he’s doing everything for Emi but still feels so empty.
Also, the part where Kubota’s being all smug?? The ending with the call about his dad added a whole new layer, and now I’m super curious what he left in the will and how that’s gonna mess with things even more.
It's actualy really easy to follow and read - spacing is amazing and easy to follow, keep it up!
Thank you! I am glad you commented on the spacing! I always try to make my stuff a little more easier to follow!