Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
Terranova
TW: 18+ | Slight Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language
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You are always in my mind
Yet your memory is tainted
I see you when I look to my left, at this overcrowded desk
I remember you
But I forgot all the other names surrounding you
So when you died
I didn’t cry
I couldn’t get it out
Yearning for a future with you
Still unattainable
So you will stay as a relic of my past, got it?
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PT 391, Present, Dimension ???
I was hanging out with Daisuke the day before the mission. We decided to go to the disco. I guess my black outfit didn’t really fit in with the others on the dance floor. Men wore bright suits or bright outfits that made them look like they were performing in a music video. Even Daisuke put on his bright white suit for the occasion. Girls danced all around us in bodycon dresses holding fans.
Daisuke had begun to understand my reasoning for going on the mission, and as my sworn brother, he seemed to accept that my burdens would be his, and vice-versa. I was always the one doing things like this, though. Daisuke thrived in any position under the Kubota family. I guess I always want more. Hell no. I need more. I do this for my sis. But part of me knows that I want to relax after a long day, have a stable place of living, maybe some better meals, and a big TV at home. It makes me feel bad, seeing my sister as a burden that I have to pay for constantly.
I always get this way when I dance. I forget the material world around me, despite how everyone looks. I bet I look like a fish flopping out of water when I dance, but I don’t care. Nobody around me cares.
I sat down next to Daisuke. We sat and chatted over drinks.
“I feel like I don’t ask often, but how is your sis?” Daisuke asked innocently.
“She’s doing alright. Y’know…I don’t think it’ll be that long until she gets out.”
“What makes you say that?”
Why the hell would I tell him that?
“Just a hopeful feeling, y’know? The girl’s been bedridden her whole life. I’d had to homeschool her for the last couple years. I know how much she just wants to go back to regular school. I never thought someone would see “normal” as a luxury.”
“She’s still happy as ever whenever I see her. As long as that fire’s there. I trust that she’ll be okay.”
“I hope so.”
There was a quiet sadness while we sipped our drinks. We were aware that even the greatest willpower wouldn’t survive Mother nature. It made me doubt what I was about to do.
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Kubota kept reminding us that Acosta would rue the day they fucked with Hironaka. At the dead of night, we entered the building. It was a large bay with a collection of airplanes inside. With Daisuke right behind me, we snuck in, about as quiet as a group of people who only wanted to beat on the rich. We practically barreled in, leaving Daisuke and I behind. Kubota came up with a deeply complicated plan at the heart, but he made it simple for grunts like us. He told us exactly where we were to hide, and when we were to strike. We were all equipped with knives, tasers, and a walkie-talkie. A long time ago, I fashioned a harness so I could carry around my bat without much trouble. I kept it strapped to my back. It was dead silent for a long time. What felt like hours. Time became distorted as Kubota’s men became more and more impatient. I heard some of them begin to murmur in annoyance. They thought it was a good idea to try and blow the safe up. That’d completely blow our cover. One of them stepped out of his hiding spot. It was one of the lieutenant's sons, Daigo. He stretched his arms out wide with an accompanying grown. Yakuza lackeys yelled at him to get back to his spot. He only protested more.
“What? I’m just stretchin’ It’ll be a sec!”
Hiss!
An ear piercing noise brought everyone’s eyes straight to Daigo. A puff of blood that looked like smoke came from his head. His arms fell to his side, and his body went limp and stiff as he fell to the ground. Instant panic. I took my bat from its sling. My eyes darting desperately to find out where this came from. Were there other yakuza here before us? No. We would’ve known. Kubota had to have been planning for that. I began to see other Yakuza fall the same way Daigo just had. Even those that were in their hiding spots. To my right, Daisuke watched in horror. My focus darted to a million different places at once. Trying to find the source of what was causing this. Then I saw the glint. Whatever it was, it came into sight once it crossed a small patch of light and zipped through another one of our men.
It was a red piece of metal. Flying through the air like it was possessed. It was fashioned like a toothpick. Sharp on both sides with a clear point where its user could hold it. The metal was probably a foot and a half long. An arrow of death.
Now it was coming towards Daisuke and I. Scrambling to my feet, my bat tight in my hands, I struck it like a baseball, uncertain if it would go right through my bat. It went flying straight up, and broke through the glass above us. Our forces were probably cut in half. Members of the Acosta Alliance began to pour into the building. Crying out our names like they knew right where we were. Daisuke called for Kubota on the walkie-talkie. I stepped out of my hiding spot, and peeked over the railing to see the arrow come to someone’s side. I jumped over the railing to land on the ground floor with a quick roll to my feet. To see the assailant who killed half our men. I felt like I was living in a lucid dream.
It was Terra. The same one I was just dreaming about. While his face was feminine, he was clearly a man, with the facial hair to show it. But now I finally saw him in person. He had long orange hair and bright green eyes. He wore skinny jeans and no shoes. He had a brown coat with no shirt under it. Revealing his fit stature. Where his heart might be, there was an ethereal red glow.
“Terra…?” I stumbled.
“Nova.”
“Nova?”
Nova, he called himself. His expression was emotionless considering he had just killed probably about fifteen men.
“Are you working with Acosta? I haven’t seen you in years. Please put your weapon down.” I pleaded softly as I set my bat down.
“I don’t know who you are.”
Nova’s arrow took flight straight towards my head. Just before it blew a hole in my head, I ducked to the ground and picked up my bat. I had to keep him distracted, so no more of my men were murdered. I heard cars arrive outside, Kubota’s men ran in. It was an all-out-war between the Kubota family and the Acosta Alliance.
Nova fought just like the Terra I remembered. His attacks stung like needles, and his mind in a battle was always in one-hundred different places. I would take a punch, and then have to dodge right out of the way of that arrow of death. I had to rely on my speed in this fight. I moved in circles around Nova, as he threw out deathblows left and right. After a scuffle, he finally over swung with a kick. Giving me the chance to swing over him and slam my bat on his head. As he stumbled down, I switched grips, and cracked it against his nose. This served to only make him angrier. I tried to gain some distance from him. Only for him to send his arrow at me. I slapped it back at him like a baseball, and he finally got a taste of his own medicine as it stabbed straight into his shoulder. He let out a yelp of pain as if he had never felt anything like it. More Kubota family members stepped into the building. They pulled guns on Nova. The look of anger on his face spurred the men to light him up.
“Don’t kill him!” I cried over the gunshots.
By the time it was over, he was already full of bullets. Was that really the Terra I grew up with? I just wanted to know. The lightning fast pace of everything happening right now forced me to get that thought out of my head. I ran up the stairs, watching the bloodbath that was ensuing go down. Daisuke and some others knocked down a member of Acosta. Only to be swarmed with much more. I dispatched them quickly. The large safe in the corner of the building had a little bit of light coming from inside. It was cracked open! I made a B line for it, cracking the skulls of any Acosta member in front of me. When I stepped in, there was a giant pile of money. If I was in any other situation, I might try and dive in like Scrooge Mcduck. Acosta members were inside, holding guns. I brought the closest one to me to the ground in one move, using his gun, I unloaded it on the others inside.
My heart raced even faster looking at the money. It had to be billions. If thirty million went missing, it wouldn’t be a big deal. So I picked up some stacks, and stuffed the inside of my jacket pockets. Making sure I wasn’t puffy from all the money I had just acquired. With my heart still racing, I pushed the door open, inviting the rest of our members in to get their money before more and more Acosta Alliance members poured in. I jumped to Daisuke’s aid while the rest of our men ran out with the money and loaded themselves onto trucks. I peered over the railing to see that Nova was gone. I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.
Everyone went to separate hiding spots all over Tokyo overnight, to keep Acosta from finding us. They were on an intense manhunt all night. So all we could do was stay low. Daisuke and I took shelter among the homeless population, which he happened to be buddy-buddy with. They had taken over an entire park, filled with the smell of fire and booze. There were shelters made with a layer of wood, covered with tarps to keep the wood from rotting. Homeless men looked at us with eager eyes as we poured in, but they all seemed to know Daisuke. They lent us one of their shelters for the night. We had no time to talk, having to run sleep shifts all night to ensure we weren’t being outed or followed.
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I was in the back of a car. My Mom’s long black hair flowed like rose petals as we drove down the street in our convertible. My Father was always a gearhead. The memory of his hands being covered with a black oil often came into my mind. He’d come inside often to inform Mom of what the situation was while washing his hands profusely. The house was never quiet. With the sound of air-tools cracking through the house, despite how he always shut the door tight. I was never interested in what he did. But I knew he wanted me to be as excited for his interests as he was.
But that wasn’t true. I never had vivid memories of my Father. I was five when I was moved out of my parents house, and I was picked up by Easan. I didn’t remember anything about them. These were memories buried deeply in my mind. Emi would know more about my parents, since she was moved out to meet me when I left Easan’s cult.
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“Enzo!” A voice called.
It was not Daisuke’s voice. I heard it again. A man’s gruff voice screamed my voice once more, slamming the bottom of his knife on my head. He sent me soaring threw me off of the mattress I had called it a night on with one arm. Everything came into view now. I saw a huge yakuza standing over me, with another holding Daisuke to the wall with a knife. He slammed his foot into my leg.
“You’re a real shitty guy, huh? Stealing from your own boss. Kubota knew you stole shit from him the Moment ya left. I bet he would’ve just let ya borrow the money.”
What the fuck was wrong with me? What did I expect? I thought that if Acosta couldn’t find us, Kubota shouldn’t be able to find us. When I looked up at Daisuke, I saw it in his eye. He looked at me with disgust.
“Enzo…Why would you do that?”
The yakuza above me, who was pinning me down, took the knife from the yakuza in the corner. He spun it around lazily.
“I’ve heard of you, Enzo. Your a grunt, but you fucked up that wizard dude at the shootout. But ya think you’re a big shot, even though ya haven’t even been thrown to the wolves.”
He knelt down onto my chest, and held the knife right up to my eye.
“I’d love to rip ya to shreds, right here and now. Bring ya head right up to Kubota. But I think I’ll be mature, and let him deal with ya.”
“Calm down, Dazai. What’s up, Enzo, buddy? Probably should’ve told your brother not to tell me about your location so ya could hide that money well. I didn’t even realize the cash was missing. So let’s hear it. Why’d ya take that much? Was there something ya needed? If ya asked nicely enough, I probably would’ve handed it over.”
“My…Sister. I was just trying to pay for my sister’s medical bills.”
I got on my hands and knees and bowed before Kubota. He rested his foot on my head. Digging my head deeper and deeper into the ground.
“I am sorry sir! I had no other choice!”
“Pah. Don’t give me that. Ya know what ya need to do.” Kubota demanded.
He slid a piece of wood over to me, and he flipped a knife to my hand. My sis was going to die. This was what I would have to show to it. Or lack thereof. So I rested my hand on the wood while everyone watched attentively. The knife in my other.
End of chapter
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Enzo encounters Terra (who now goes by Nova), he takes money from Kubota, but Kubota finds out and now, Enzo is in trouble! Daisuke might not even trust him anymore, unfortunately. And what about Emi? Will Emi be alright?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - You wrote that the man was screaming Enzo’s voice near the end when I think that you meant to write that he was screaming Enzo’s name, but that is just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I like how Enzo didn’t want Nova/Terra to die, it shows that even though he was trying to kill Enzo and the others, he still saw Nova/Terra as a friend. I also like that reference to Scrooge Mcduck, that was hilarious!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a great chapter on how Kubota will always be watching in the sidelines, waiting to take down people who will not obey him. I do hope that Enzo is able to get out of this and help Emi, but I’m not so sure. I’ll have to check out the rest of the story to find out.
I wish you a gorgeous day/night! ^v^
Hello, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
OH BOY, things just got heated in so many different ways!! That little break with the disco was nice, showing us a more casual side of Enzo, but then the mission...I mean, the clash between Kubota and Acosta forces was wild enough, but this mysterious Terra-like "Nova" character pops up, and then Enzo gets caught stealing!! Oh no...Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Great!! Even though things got so hectic and the pacing skyrocketed here, everything was well-written and easy to follow! I like how you were able to keep a sense of movement while still being able to detail what's happening, what Enzo is seeing or feeling, etcetera.
Descriptions and Setting: No complaints here! I liked the details of their hiding spots, the homeless camp, etc. The only point I got a little confused was toward the end, and I was wondering where Kubota came from, but that's one tiny thing—plus Enzo was dazed, so understandable lol.
Action: AWESOME!! The fights were very well-written and really showed off Enzo's skill, as he was able to keep up with someone like Terra with only a baseball bat for a weapon. Likewise, Nova's weapon and combat style? Love it. SO cool! Plus, the ambush at the end caught me off-guard!
Characterization: Man, this chapter was a rollercoaster for poor Enzo! As mentioned, I did love being able to see him in a more casual setting—those random personal details about a character, like how they enjoy disco and stuff, always make them feel more real and layered, and I love to see it. But anyway, cutting to the grit, the instinct to draw attention away from his team, stealing the money from Emi, taking that treatment toward the end for her...It's like he just wants to be a good brother/teammate, but the world does not want to make it easy!
Likewise, Daisuke makes such a neat sidekick for him, I'm coming to admire how they work together. I hope nothing happens to him because of this...
Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? Looks great! I only caught a few tiny things, which I dropped below.
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…
Feels like this sentence got just a teeny bit botched, as the "I'd had to homeschool her" felt a bit strange to say. "I" instead of "I'd" feels more appropriate in my head.
"We" barreled in here gave me the idea that Daisuke and Enzo were already in the group, so following it up with "Daisuke and I" felt a little bit odd. Maybe instead of "we" it could be "the others in my unit/fleet/group"??
Mild botch where it says "soaring threw me off" there (I think soaring would be the better word choice personally!)
That’s all! And of course, it is just my opinion, so take only what you want from it. Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Theories, theories...I feel like I know what's going to happen first the next chapter, but I cannot say for sure. God knows the alternative, trying to run/hide with a severely sick sister or defend her from legions of yakuza, isn't much better...
As for reactions and highlights...
Aw, this desire for normalcy really spoke to me, and showed some depth to Enzo's character. And hitting us with that line, about having to see his sister as a burden? Brutal. These poor kids, they just want to live, but Emi's so sick and it seems that the whole world is against Enzo! ToT
WOAH!! That was such a surprising/cool moment to kick off the fight!!
This weapon is SOOOO cool!! It reminds me of Yondu's arrow from GOTG, and the predominantly red coloring makes it sound even cooler!!
EH??? What is going on here, a Terra doppelganger? Genderbent Terra?? I don't recall a "Nova" on the spot thus far...Man, are they related? Is it a coincidence? I wonder what this means...
This was cool; Enzo's instinct to divert attention away from his men, toward himself instead, really speaks to a high degree of selflessness. Something that, in hindsight, makes his getting busted with the cash more sad. Like, you KNOW he doesn't want to be a criminal, he's just doing this to help the people he cares about ToT
Man, they even fight similarly!! My mind is SPINNING from this...
This was some cool insight about Enzo's parents, and where Easan entered the picture. Nice bit of backstory!!
OOF—I was CRINGING when this happened!! Like, I had a bad feeling when I read Enzo gathering the money (even though I knew it was part of the plan and everything!)
OH NOOOO, what is going to happen here??!! (00 ')
MadThoughts...Overall, holy snap!! That chapter cranked the heat a LOT, and I am both excited and nervous to see what lies ahead!! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thank you for the review! Since this story is pretty short, I think some of the finer details have slipped my mind. However, one of my favorite segments to write was Nova's introduction. Keep guessing! I think you'll like where I go with this one!