My mind wanders,
Nothing.
I'm trapped in a prison of myself so demoralized
that the concept of freedom no longer
Makes sense
Jealousy and Madness rear their ugly heads
Attempting to take over me.
So far, this is my last stand;
My last attempt to recapture what's mine:
Sanity.
Chaos ensues and breaks Atlas's arms
The world is surely falling;
into despair,
into destruction...
A true Hell opens a portal in my mind,
seizing it,
infecting it with delusional passions that
never be remembered or forgotten;
Lying in the dark cracks of regret
As they rot, they leave an empty residue of contempt
spreading its evil to the farthest limits of my being
Corrupted enough as it is,
My soul is permanently tainted by love's true embrace.
Is this what heartbreak feels like?
Giving in is now my only option...
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140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there,
I really liked this poem. And I didn't find any little grammatical mistakes with it either...
Although I don't think it flowed very well the slight abstractness of each subject made it fit together quite nicely.
I think if you went through it and revised where you put all the breaks and one-word lines it might be a bit better
Nice job with this!
Keep writing,
Just
Yeah,
I disagree with you there.
I think that it's amazing,
then again I haven't read your other poems.
But I think you are fantastic.
I know you question the time when you wrote it, you said it was a "vulnerable time" ?
That's when the best works come out of you to be honest.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Unlike what you said in your post, I enjoyed this poem very much. I liked how it brought me into a different place so easily. Fantastic description! Bravo. It was just slightly jumbled in a few places, otherwise---amazing! Thank you for posting this so that others may enjoy it. Keep on writing.
--Maya
Out of all of my poems (not posted yet), I didn't really like this one much. It was written at a very vulnerable point and I question what I was thinking when I wrote it. Moving on, the only reason I posted it is because it functions as kind of a prologue to "Final Thoughts". I hope others like it more than I did.