So I know that you’re lying,
I’ve been hurt many times,
O I wish you knew.
My heart cracks again,
Just another little slit.
Knowing soon enough it’ll shatter,
Tiny pieces will only be left.
It’ll hurt,
But I just have to swallow my pride.
Move on.
It’s just not worth it.
So I know that you’re lying,
But you’re just fine.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Great job with this!
Since everyone else has pointed out the grammatical and capitalization errors I'll just say everything else.
Your flow is great and so is your emotion. It's all really great, so, wonderful job - I think you did very well
Keep writing,
Alzora
I see a lot of potential in the poem but there was no rhyme or flow with the words. With a little editting and maybe adding more lines i think the poem would sound better but other than that i really liked the concept of it. So keep working on it. Best of luck.
Iggy got most of the nitpicks, so I'll finish:
This is a poem that definitely needs a little work. Don't take me wrong, it's got a good idea behind it, but like Iggy said if you leave it the way it is people aren't going to pay much attention to it. The idea of a slowly breaking heart is used to often that you have to write a pretty darn sensation poem to make it work. This could get there, but not without some work. Good luck!!
Ok, I'm in the mood to nitpick right now so here goes:
#FF0000 ">The whole thing was without rhythm, it didn't flow. The words also seemed kind of hollow. I sort of understand the pain from what you say, but I don't feel it. This could use some revision. Keep Writing!